Let’s face it: They may not be glamorous, they may not be beautiful, and you might not want to eat a ham sandwich out of them, but TOILETS are important. They’re a part of our lives, and we might as well admit that 2011 WAS A GREAT YEAR FOR TOILETS.

From airport bathrooms to private apartments, toilets were everywhere this year. Sometimes it seemed like there were almost too many toilets! But, of course, there can never be too many toilets — they’re just that crucial to us not going poo-poo on our floors.

So let’s put on our Toilet Hats and say thank you to 2011’s toilets: “Thank you, to the wonderful toilets.”

Here is my list of the BEST TOILETS OF 2011:

10. European toilets

9. Shiny toilets

8. Occupy toilets

7. Unknown toilets

6. Port-A-O’Potties (Irish portable toilets)

5. Sleek toilets

4. Luxury toilets

3. Midwestern toilets

2. Compost toilets

1. Ideal toilets

BOOM! Best list ever.

They say a year is just a collection of experiences, and the best experiences are those once-in-a-lifetime extreme experiences that take your year from the “ho-hum” to the “holy shit that was fucking amazing.”

If you’re not having intense experiences every day, you’re not really alive. And no, sitting on your fat heiney while reading the internet doesn’t count. (Except for when you’re reading my lists.)

2011 was a year that cried out for experiences, and you obliged — with enthusiasm. From bungee-jumping to culture-jamming, this year saw more people living their dreams than any other year. It’s time to celebrate how much fun we all had in 2011!

Here are the top ten ESSENTIAL EXPERIENCES OF 2011:

10. Climbing a mountain

9. Having a grandchild

8. Eating at a five-star restaurant

7. Taking a bath with a celebrity

6. DJ’ing a huge L.A. dance party

5. Sailing a boat across the river

4. Doing a genealogy report about your ancestors

3. Astral projection

2. 5K charity run

1. Remembering all the great memories from the year

We hear it every day: “The magazine publishing industry is in trouble,” “Nobody buys magazines,” “I hate magazines,” “Magazines suck.” But despite these naysayers, magazines continue to thrive. Yes, that’s right: Good ol’ fashioned magazines! At one point in 2011, there were more magazines laying around people’s homes than any other year in history — and you can take that to the bank, the MAGAZINES BANK.

Here is my list of the TOP TEN MOST IMPORTANT MAGAZINE-RELATED ITEMS OF INTEREST THAT OCCURRED IN CALENDAR YEAR 2011:

10. Subscriptions

9. Color photographs

8. Long articles

7. “Honey, have you seen my magazine?”

6. The future of magazines: What is it?

5. In-flight magazines still going strong

4. Advertisements in magazines

3. Sports magazines

2. The magazine industry

1. Crossword puzzles

Here’s another VIDEO LIST:

When you need to get the job done, and get it done right, you need to go to a HARDWARE STORE. From hammers to nails, sometimes it seems like hardware stores have all the SUPPLIES you need to build a house.

2010 was a great year for hardware supplies — and 2011 was even better. This was the year hardware supplies really shined. If you don’t believe 2011 was one of the best hardware-supply years, I don’t want anything to do with you.

Here is my list of the BEST HARDWARE SUPPLIES OF 2011:

10. Duct tape

9. Thermostats

8. Cement

7. (tie) Hammers, Rotary Saws

6. Vinyl Tubing

5. Lutron MA-R-WH Dimmer Assembly

4. Caulk Guns

3. 1/8″ Screws

2. Brackets

1. Construction Paper

There’s nothing like sports to bring out the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat inside all of us. From the baseball diamond to the tennis court, this was the year we thrilled to victory in sports — and also, we agonized over the defeat of our favorite teams. But the opposing teams’ fans thrilled to their victory. No, you haven’t lost your mind, that’s just how life works … IN SPORTS.

Here’s my list of THE YEAR IN SPORTS:

10. Baseball

9. Tennis

8. Swimming

7. Football

6. Balls

5. NCAA Basketball

4. Women’s sports

3. Running

2. The Olympics are coming

1. Victory

A year is defined by its words, and its words are defined, in turn, by the trends and upheavals that rocked our world to its very foundation in the year of 2011, so is it any wonder 2011 saw some of the most amazing words of all time, all in the space of one single year?

Here is my list of 2011’s WORDS OF THE YEAR:

10. Slang Words
9. Internet words
8. Names
7. Verbs
6. Crazy Words
5. Words Screamed By Maniacs
4. 9-9-9
3. Different Words
2. Nouns
1. New Words

LIST FEVER: CATCH IT

2011 was a year of scandal. Anyone who disagrees is wrong. Here’s a video I made for the Huffington Post counting down the BIGGEST SCANDALS OF 2011:

It’s that time of year again: YEAR-END LIST TIME!!!

Most years are incredible, and this was the year we realized 2011 was no different. From news events to current events, we saw a bit of everything in 2011, and that’s what made it special. 2011 was truly a year for the history books.

To celebrate the end of this important year, I have once again developed THE HOTTEST YEAR-END LISTS ON THE INTERNET.

Ignore all other lists: These are “the only lists you need” to “get ahead conversationally” at your “too many cocktail parties.”

WITHOUT ANY FURTHER ADO HERE IS THE FIRST LIST:

(Check back in 15 minutes)

Songs can express the full spectrum of human emotion in just three minutes on the radio. They can make us feel happy or sad. Some of them even make us smile! Their melodies get stuck in our head for days — that’s the power of song.

2011 was a great year for songs. It was almost like pop stars and opera composers conspired to make us feel things we’d never felt before — now is our chance to thank them. From number-one smash hits to other, crappier songs, 2011 was one of the best years ever for songs. They should put the year 2011 in the Songwriters’ Hall of Fame.

Here are my picks for the TOP TEN GREATEST SONGS OF 2011:

10. Songs that made us happy

9. Jingles

8. Songs that made us jealous

7. Instrumental jams

6. Rap songs

5. Country songs

4. Noisy songs

3. Quiet songs

2. Other songs

1. The best songs!

Check back soon for my of my year-end lists!