10. “Henry!” “Yes, dear?” “How are you?” “I’m pretty good.”
9. “Hennnry!” “Yes, dear?” “Did you remember to get the fresh eggs?” “I sure did!” “Wonderful! Thanks, Henry.”
8. “Hennnnnnnry!” “Yes, dear?” “What day is it?” “Monday, I think.” “RIGHT AGAIN!”
7. When Henry’s in the zone personally and professionally
6. “Excuse me, sir: Are you Henry?” “I am.” “Oh, good. This is a present from your wife.” “Oh, what a nice surprise!” (LATER) “Thanks for the present!” “You’re welcome, Hennnnnry.”
5. Some of the best Henry
4. When you gotta give a shout-out to Henry
3. “Have you heard about Henry?” “What about him?” “He’s chillin’ … as always.” “Good, glad to hear it.”
2. When Henry’s near the top
1. Henry’s at the top
Years are made up of individual days, and 2016 was no different. What set 2016 apart, however, was the nature of those days. Simply put, the days of 2016 were defined by extraordinary moments — moments that, once identified, helped us make sense of the time we live in, which in this year’s case was 2016, the year of our recent days and moments.
What moments we shared! Let’s take a “moment” to celebrate the MOST IMPORTANT MOMENTS OF 2016:
10. Cultural moments
9. Political moments
8. When you listen to a podcast and they say, “I think we’re in a unique moment right now,” and then they talk about how a new TV show is related to that moment and you’re like “HONEY GET IN HERE, YOU GOTTA HEAR THIS!!!”
7. Interesting moments
6. Moments to treasure with friends and loved ones
5. This is your moment to shine
4. The current moment
3. (TIE) Zeitgeist moments / The moment everything turns to shit
2. “Gotta get more moments, I’m addicted to these moments”
1. The moment that makes sense of everything once and for all
Whatever you think of them, books continue to bring out the best in us. Just as vitamins help us digest food and increase muscle mass, books help us digest the ideas of the day and increase our brain power. Empathy, understanding, and intelligence are all increased when we read books.
These are just some of the reasons 2016 was a great year for books. Other reasons include the pleasures of fiction, the successes of the publishing industry, and the way a new book smells when you open it. When all is said and done, we must admit: 2016 was a year for the books.
Here are the BEST BOOKS OF 2016:
10. Hardcover books
9. Pop-up books
8. Books to be read on the ground with your lover
7. Books that impress your friends
5. (TIE) Novels / Affordable books
4. High-quality books
3. Collectible books
1. Books with good blurbs
2016 was a year defined by drama. Even when we were off the grid, drama kept on our toes. From political drama to all the drama in your personal life, sometimes it almost seemed like there was too much drama, on account of the huge amounts of drama that was always happening. And 2016 was no different.
So let’s take a deep breath, collect our thoughts, and take a moment to celebrate the BEST DRAMA OF 2016:
10. Intense drama
9. Surprising drama
8. Good drama
7. Dramatic events
6. “Hennnry!” “Yes, dear?” “Have you heard the latest?” “About what?” “About all the drama.” “Yes, I suppose I have.”
5. Drama that makes you say DAAAMN
4. The latest dramas
3. “This drama has been rated 100%”
2. Some of the best drama that has ever been on my lists
1. The greatest drama in human history
As the winds of change howled around us in 2016, we could rest assured that our papers and files would not be swept away … thanks to our turtle paperweights. Simply put, turtle paperweights are paperweights shaped like turtles, and they truly dominated headlines (and our dreams) throughout the past year. Any year is a good year for turtle paperweights, but 2016 was on a whole different level. It was spectacular. “If you’re not in the turtle paperweight game, get off the field,” could well be 2016’s official motto.
Here are the TOP TEN TURTLE PAPERWEIGHTS OF 2016:
10. Decent turtle paperweights
9. Ceramic turtle paperweights
8. When you look at a nice turtle paperweight
7. Heavy turtle paperweights that do their job
6. “Did you see the new turtle paperweight? It’s for sale”
5. Humorous turtle paperweights that bring a smile to the user’s face
4. Brass turtle paperweights
3. Collectible turtle paperweights
2. Historic turtle paperweights
Lights, camera, action, movies! Let’s zoom in …
If there’s any doubt that America has fallen in love with the movies, 2016 put it to rest. From the latest blockbuster smashes to keenly observed indie dramas, this was the year movies grew up. They went from being a weekend hobby to a serious art form firing on all cylinders and changing the world. Movies inspired us, informed us, and inflamed us. They showed us the best — and worst — that the movies have to offer.
Simply put, if you wanted to be part of the cultural conversation in 2016, you had to see movies. Sometimes movies were the only thing that made sense. Our moment called for movies, and they replied — with gusto. Many movies were released in the past year. Movies have now joined the pantheon of immortal art — they’re loud and they’re proud — so you might as well get used to it. And you might as well grab another bag of popcorn because we’re going to the movies!
Here are THE BEST MOVIES OF 2016:
10. Good movies you kinda liked
9. Movies that showed you a new way of looking at the world
8. “Hennnnry!” “Yes dear?” “Take me to the movies.” “Okay.”
7. (TIE) Creative movies / Historical movies
6. When you see a new movie
5. Movies made by visionaries that mark a bold new chapter in American cinema, how lucky we are to be alive during this time of movie magic
4. Streaming movies
3. When you go grocery shopping after you see the movie
2. Amazing movies
1. Greatest movie of all time
Our world has always loved innovators. These brave men and women have the courage and vision to disrupt our everyday practices, introducing new ways of doing old familiar things … or unfamiliar ways of doing things that have never been thought of before. In the field of history, they stand tall as “first in field,” and we are all the better for it. To take just one example: You can order a car with your phone now. Imagine trying to explain that to your great-great-grandfather … and then, thank your local innovator.
Of course, innovators aren’t limited to the private sector. We can also see their work in business, commerce, politics, and entertainment. So let’s salute the rebels, renegades, and radicals that keep our country — and our world — tumbling forward in the grand somersault of joyous innovation.
Here are the TOP TEN INNOVATORS OF 2016:
10. Your mom
9. People who see things differently
6. Hard workers
5. (TIE) Einstein-like people / Hollywood visionaries
4. Tech culture innovators
3. Financial innovators
2. Some of the greatest innovators
1. Nobody will ever top these legendary innovators
Given what a crazy year this has been, where would we have been without our favorite new songs? Sometimes, when things feel overwhelming, you just need to slip on your earbuds and fly away on the wings of your favorite new song. No matter what happens in the great wide world, music producers and singers (and even rappers as well) continue to put out great, genre-defying music — audio ecstasy that hits that special “sweet spot” between our ears, our hearts, and our brains. 2016 is the year that finally proved what we’ve long suspected: Pop music isn’t just for kids anymore.
From topical concept albums to candy-floss one-hit wonders, from Broadway hip-hop to grunge, this was the year pop music showed it can be as ambitious, textured, and masterful as the finest masterpieces of the Renaissance artists. In fact, it might be even better — because after all, when’s the last time you heard someone humming along to the Sistine Chapel ceiling? Ouch! Zing! Put that in your pipe and vape it! (Vaping is a new way of smoking)
One more point: Songs are one of the most effective units of music. That simple fact must be acknowledged.
Here are the TOP TEN SONGS OF 2016:
10. Great songs
9. The new songs everyone likes
8. Exciting songs
7. Rock ‘n’ Roll forever
6. Rap songs
5. “Is she singing or screaming? I can’t tell anymore — and I DON’T CARE”
4. Retro songs
3. Fast songs
2. Gotta love all these wonderful songs
1. Chart-topping hits
It’s no secret that Americans love spaghetti and crave it day and night. From Italian restaurants to the cute little trattoria down the street, when it comes to dinner there’s only one game in town: It’s called spaghetti and its rules are simple: Have fun and fill your belly with my wonderful noodles. Touchdown! Game, set, and match. Advantage: Spaghetti.
2016 was no different.
Here are the TOP TEN SPAGHETTIS OF 2016.
10. Dry spaghetti
9. Pretty nice spaghetti
8. “Mmm, say, I like this spaghetti”
7. Humble spaghetti
6. When bae says, “Do you want to know something?” And you’re like, “Okay,” and she (or he says) “My father owns a spaghetti factory … that means we get unlimited spaghetti for life!!!” And your tummy is so happy
5. When you cook whole wheat spaghetti
4. (TIE) Midnight spaghetti / Spaghetti technologies
3. Different kinds of spaghetti
2. Fantastic spaghetti
1. Perfect spaghetti
“Get ready for blast-off!”
Scandals are the rocket fuel that shoots our prurient interest through the atmosphere of the everyday, all the way up to the stars. And it’s even more fun when stars are actually involved in the scandals! (Movie stars, that is.)
It’s these stumblings and snafus that bring even the “high and mighty” back down to earth, where they land with a “plop” that reminds us: “All humans are flawed, and no man shall stand above me in judgment, who has not also pooped his own pants on occasion,” as the Bible surely says somewhere in one of its many pages.
And 2016 was no different. Some days it seemed the scandals were almost getting out of control. We saw entertainment scandals, financial scandals, and even — at the highest level — scandals in the art world. When it came to 2016, the only real scandal was how many scandals there were.
Here are the TOP TEN SCANDALS OF 2016:
10. Horrible scandals
9. Weird scandals
8. Boring scandals you can’t understand, but will eventually impact your life
7. Foreign scandals
6. Female-friendly scandals
5. Historical scandals
4. Scandals that come out of nowhere
3. Scandals that were with us all along
2. Terrific scandals
1. “Get me a list of the hottest scandals! Oooh, this one is the very best!”