Best Of 2014: LAND BLUBS


If you don’t know what a land blub is, you haven’t been paying attention. Land blubs were simply one of the hottest trends of 2014. They are reviews of land, usually attributed to famous authors, that are used to promote that land to prospective buyers and/or visitors. But the reviews have had all the “R”s removed from them, which is why they are called “land blubs” and not “land blurbs.”

Here are the TOP TEN LAND BLUBS OF 2014:

10. “This was a wondeful piece of land” –Saul Bellow

9. “Pobably my favoite land I saw in a long time” –Karl Ove Knausgaard

8. “How could I say no to the chams of this wondous land?” –Joyce Carol Oates

7. “Gotta say, I’d live on this land in a heatbeat” –Lena Dunham

6. “This land will make you laugh, will make you sigh, will make you beak down and shed authentic human teas!” –Jonathan Franzen

5. “How lucky I was, to visit this pefect land. I can’t wait to do so again, I think about it twenty-fou/seven” –Miranda July

4. “The whole time I was on this land, I asked myself: Am I deaming? This must be a deam. But the tuth was, I eally was on this land — and it made me vey vey gateful” –Oprah Winfrey

3. “I couldn’t put down this land. It’s tuly exceptional. Please, please, spend time on this teific land … you will be changed, pehaps foeve” –Maureen Dowd

2. “And the awad fo Best Land goes to … this land, ight hee! Hooay fo this land! Hip, hip hooay! Tee-hee, I’m a bad boy” –James Franco

1. The best land blubs


If there’s one area in which 2014 saw incredible advances we couldn’t have imagined, it’s the area of PALINDROMES. Palindromes are the unsung heroes of the English language, tickling our funnybones while expanding our minds — and giving us lots to think about — while reminding us that simple pleasures are wonderful, even though palindromes are hardly simple … but then again, what is? (Answer? Palindromes.)

Consider the following: English is the only language that has palindromes, because English is the only language that can be read forwards and backwards, which is what palindromes do best! That’s why 2014 was a key development for palindromes. And if that doesn’t make you proud to be English, I don’t know what will.

So put on your reading glasses and check out the TOP TEN PALINDROMES OF 2014:

10. Is it a zit?

9. CIA man, a maniac

8. On CNN, Wolf Blitzer’s z-bile flow: “No, c’mon!”

7. Prez Putin, USSR dude, R U srs? Tiny penis, up!

6. True Detective smash hit — but Sy’s tub, ’tis ham. (Defective, in a rut)

5. Kardashian’s enormous derriere, a morose riddle, elides some-a Derrida’s sermons: “I has dark shark”

4. Meme: Me, me, me!

3. Ed Snowden scoops spooks, wow: Ed’s won

2. T-Swift’s “1989” LP sells 9,891 LP’s swiftly

1. Rand Paul? “Zebras are a breeze” –Rand Paul

(Feel free to give this list a standing ovation, as it is obviously one of the greatest things ever to appear on the internet.)



Let’s not mince words: 2014 was an incredible year for turtle paperweights. Whether holding down envelopes, unsorted files, or correspondence, this was the year turtle paperweights stepped up their game and truly shined.

But what are turtle paperweights, exactly? The answer is simple: They are paperweights designed to look like turtles — or turtle-shaped objects heavy enough to secure papers under their weight. In the end, it doesn’t matter how you slice it, as long as that turtle paperweight is doing its job. And “doing its job” is the turtle paperweight’s middle name. Is it any wonder that retailers consistently rank “turtle” as one of the top paperweight designs? It’s the classic that keeps on giving. Just like the fable says: “Slow and steady wins the race.”

So let’s take a moment to celebrate the best of the best in this category-killing family of paperweights. Here are the TOP TEN TURTLE PAPERWEIGHTS OF 2014:

10. Inquisitive Hefty Turtle Paperweight

9. Locally Sourced Turtle Paperweight

8. Precious Turtle Paperweight

7. Oversized Turtle Paperweight (Blue)

6. Polka-Dot Turtle Paperweight With Real Polka Dots

5. “Hennnrrrryyy!!! Did you remember to put the papers under the paperweight???” “Which one?” “The turtle-shaped one — the BEST one!” “Yes, dear.”

4. Customized Brass Turtle Paperweight

3. Inspirational Turtle Paperweight

2. Hand-Painted Turtle Paperweight

1. “Ya Gotta Be Kidding Me” Best Turtle Paperweight

Best Of 2014: CLICKBAIT

If you spent any time on social media in 2014, chances are you encountered “clickbait.” What is clickbait? Clickbait are stories, lists, charts, and videos that bring us pleasure while improving our understanding of the world.


Not only is clickbait one of the fastest-growing forms of new media, it is crucial to the economic future of the internet — and the economy.

Think about it: The more clicks you click, the better you feel. The better you feel, the more money you get. The more money you get, the richer you are. It all adds up to a booming economy, and that’s why clickbait mattered in 2014, and why it’s here to stay.

Let’s celebrate the best of what the internet had to offer in 2014. Here are the TOP TEN CLICKBAITS OF 2014:

10. You won’t believe what happens next on this clickbait

9. You’ve gotta see this clickbait

8. Top ten reasons this clickbait is great (#3 had me in tears)

7. Clickbait only vegetarians will understand

6. (TIE) Tell your friends about this clickbait / Watch the first 30 seconds of this clickbait

5. The funniest clickbait I’ve seen all day

4. A father’s special clickbait to his kids will make you cry

3. This clickbait proves life is wonderful

2. New clickbait

1. This. Clickbait. Is. Amazing.

Best Of 2014: TECHNOLOGY

(Read this in a knock-knock joke voice)

“Beep, beep!”

“Who’s there?”


“Technology who?”

“Technology that changed your life in 2014!”

As we move closer and closer to the future, technology keeps leading the way. Radical shifts in the nature and purpose of technology have led to countless changes in the way we live our lives — and the lives we live. This is due to the power of new technology, and 2014 was a showcase of that power, and that’s why the Technology Hall of Fame has called 2014 “one of the best years ever for technology,” because of the reasons outlined above, including (but not limited to)

In 2014, if you weren’t tech-savvy, you weren’t in the game. Think about it: What turns your bread into toast? TECHNOLOGY. How do cars drive around with no people in them? TECHNOLOGY. How does the government keep us safe from terror? TECHNOLOGY. How are you reading these words? TECHNOLOGY. And that’s why technology ruled in 2014.

No doubt the new year (2015) will surprise us with even more advanced technology, but let’s take a moment to celebrate the technology that dazzled us in 2014, the most recent year for technology.

Here are the TOP TEN TECHNOLOGIES OF 2014:

10. Medical technology

9. Business technology

8. Hand-held technology

7. E-technology

6. Customized technology

5. Networked technology

4. “Look at all the technology!” (Said into voice-recognition software that automatically cross-posts to Facebook and Instagram)

3. Dazzling technology

2. Cutting-edge technology

1. The best technology of 2014

Best Of 2014: FASHION

These days it seems you can’t get dressed without fashion. Fashion (the art of looking good on a budget) can turn a ho-hum day into a red-carpet event at the hottest club — if you know what you’re doing. And 2014 was no different.

From the latest pop star wearing pants made out of lasagna, to the esteemed French designer who wowed us with his stylish dresses, this was the year when fashion truly showed us what it means to be beautiful. We saw clothes that took our breath away … fabrics that made us swoon … shoes that made us go crazy with their sophistication. We must all agree: FASHION WAS KING IN 2014.fashions

And if you disagree? Well, I hope you like wearing the latest potato sack from Sam’s Club. That’s all I have to say about that.

So put on your favorite brands, slip into something sexy, wash your face — and tell the paparazzi we’re on our way, because here are the TOP TEN FASHIONS OF 2014.

10. Shoes

9. Dresses

8. Neckties

7. (TIE) Ethnic fashions / Fur coats

6. Women’s fashions

5. Knock knock / Who’s there / The hottest fashions

4. The best-dressed Hollywood stars in their fashions

3. Men’s fashions

2. Individual fashions just for you

1. Wonderful fashions

Best Of 2014: TWEETS

Is it any wonder we loved reading tweets in 2014? After all, the year was uniquely suited to this technology. Think about it: From breaking news to philosophical musings, if you wanted to be “in the know,” there was only one place to turn: TWEETS.

Here’s a simple example of how tweets changed us — and challenged us — in 2014: There was this thing that happened, and everyone went crazy about it, and when we went on twitter, we could read everyone’s opinions, even a real-life movie star’s opinion, and after reading all those tweets, we went to bed.

That’s just one example of the power of tweets. There are countless others. For better or for worse, we are all seeing the world through “tweet-colored glasses” these days, and the only prescription is … more tweets! So let’s pause to celebrate the finest tweets of the year, in 140 characters or less.

Here are the TOP TEN TWEETS OF 2014:

10. Happy tweets

9. Angry tweets

8. Enraged tweets

7. Funny tweets


5. (TIE) Tweets that limn the full spectrum of human experience with sparkling wit and expert plotting / Dirty tweets

4. Weird tweets

3. Parody tweets

2. “Did you see the latest tweet? Oh man, I can’t even!”

1. Celebrity tweets

Best Of 2014: DISRUPTORS

disruptorsWhat are “disruptors?” They’re people who aren’t satisfied with the same old, same old. They are adventurers — visionaries — who want to break down walls and build new windows so the rest of us can have a more fulfilling user experience in the world. Disruptors are innovators, and they don’t care who or what gets in the way of their groundbreaking innovations.

But let’s make one thing clear: These aren’t your grandma’s innovators. Today’s disruptors use all the tools, technologies, and talents of the modern era to assemble the processes and products required to formulate a new paradigm I call the “Disruption Factor.” If it wasn’t for the Disruption Factor, we’d all still be buying our books in smelly stores with weird fluffy cats running around everywhere; we’d be eating green beans out of cans; it would take six months to order a pair of socks; we’d be bored at our stuffy, dead-end office jobs instead of having fun sitting at home in our pajamas using the latest technology to send out resumés.

From business bad-boys to cultural rebels, 2014 was the year the disruptors finally took over and showed the rest of us what the future is all about. Ready or not, here they come: THE DISRUPTORS.

Here are the TOP TEN DISRUPTORS OF 2014:

10. Cultural disruptors

9. Financial disruptors

8. Visionary disruptors

7. Entrepreneurial disruptors

6. Disruptors who are so advanced, we don’t even understand what they’re talking about … yet.

5. Innovative disruptors

4. Clever disruptors

3. Popular disruptors

2. Business disruptors

1. Crazy disruptors

Best Of 2014: SONGS

“Sing me a song, you’re the piano man / Sing me a song right now”

Ever since Billy Joel wrote those lyrics, America has been crazy about songs — and 2014 was no different. From pop music to rap, from jingles to opera, when we wanted to hear a nice melody coupled with lyrics, we listened to songs.


According to the Songwriters Hall of Fame, “2014 was one of the top five greatest years for songs. There were more than one hundred songs on the radio in 2014.”

So let’s celebrate the best of songwriting! Here are the TOP TEN SONGS OF 2014:

10. Regular songs

9. Pop songs

8. Wonderful songs

7. “Ooh, turn it up! I like this song!”

6. (TIE) Duets / Catchy songs

5. Loud songs

4. Billboard magazine songs

3. Raps

2. Songs that get stuck in your head

1. #1 songs

Best Of 2014: PODCASTS

2014 will forever be known as “The Year Podcasts Were Invented.” Podcasts are like teeny-tiny radio shows you can listen to on your phone, with all the features of classic radio: Music, hosts who talk, and great conversations that leave us wanting more. Some of them even have curse words because it turns out there are no rules with podcasts, America when did we lose our way???podcasts

Anyhow, this is the first time I have ever featured podcasts on my year-end lists, and I hope you enjoy! Say — if you really like this list, why not mention it on your podcast? I’ll be sure to tune in and say “Thanks for mentioning my wonderful list!” (Just tell me what your podcast is called so I can download it onto my computer for free, and give me time to find your podcast because there are so many podcasts sometimes it’s hard for me to find a specific one.)

In the meantime, let’s dial up our modem and download the latest episode of … the TOP TEN PODCASTS OF 2014.

10. Pretty good podcasts

9. Interesting podcasts

8. That one podcast with the guy with the funny voice

7. “Did you hear the latest podcast? It’s cool.”

6. Podcasts about pop culture

5. Political podcasts that make you think about the real world

4. Podcasts that are almost as good as radio shows

3. Really long podcasts that give you your money’s worth

2. “Please donate to my podcast so I can keep mumbling about any ol’ bullshit that comes into my mind”

1. The greatest podcasts of all time