Just when we thought 2018 had no more surprises for us, something extraordinary happened. And it involved turtle paperweights.
Why is this significant? Because, in the ten years I’ve been making my year-end lists, one of the highlights has always been my list of the Year’s Best Turtle Paperweights. (As always, you are free to use google or any other major search engine to confirm the excellence of this particular content.)
In all these years of celebrating the best turtle paperweights, however, I have never actually seen or handled an actual turtle paperweight while making my lists. I see no contradiction here, as my intelligence and stable mind allows me to objectively judge the best turtle paperweights (and turtle-paperweights trends) from afar, rather like how an astronomer can judge a star (or planet) without being close to it — in fact, sometimes stars and planets are so far away, a telescope must be used to observe them!
It’s probably no mystery where this is headed, so I might as well cut to the chase: This year, 2018, for the first time EVER ON MY LISTS, I spent the holidays in a home that had not ONE but TWO Turtle Paperweights.
Here’s the photographic proof:
I was able to pick up, put down, handle, and otherwise observe these two paperweights with my own eyes, in total privacy, with no computer screen or other barriers between myself and these paperweights. THIS HAS NEVER BEFORE HAPPENED IN THE HISTORY OF MY LISTS, MUST CREDIT MNFTIU
To celebrate this milestone in the History of My Lists, for the first time ever — in 2018 — I will rank not the TOP TEN TURTLE PAPERWEIGHTS but the TOP TWENTY TURTLE PAPERWEIGHTS OF THE YEAR. This will never happen again!
Without any further preamble, let’s swing for the fences and do a grand-slam list never before seen … here are the TOP TWENTY TURTLE PAPERWEIGHTS OF 2018:
20. Major turtle paperweights
19. Traditional turtle paperweights that celebrate family
18. Classic turtle paperweights
17. “I’m a turtle scientist with a new paperweight … guess what it is?” (Turtle paperweight as we smile)
16. Brass turtle paperweights with green paint
15. Hefty turtle paperweights that withstand gusts of wind and secure all papers
14. Hand-crafted turtle paperweights
13. American turtle paperweights
12. Compact turtle paperweights (also known as Highly Portable turtle paperweights)
11. Innovative turtle paperweights
10. “Hennnry!” “Yes, dear?” “Did you remember to buy new turtle paperweights?” “Yes, dear, they’re in my shopping bag!”
9. Valuable turtle paperweights
8. (TIE) Turtle paperweights where it looks like the turtle is observing its surroundings / Podcast-related turtle paperweights, as in “This podcast is sponsored by Turtle Paperweights Online, why not get a new turtle paperweight in the mail every month if you’re tired of life”
7. Highly detailed turtle paperweights
6. Celebrating the best of turtle paperweights
5. Inviting a turtle paperweight to your daughter’s birthday party as a surprise
4. Going crazy for the latest turtle paperweights of 2018
3. Some of the best turtle paperweights
2. Grand and magnificent turtle paperweights
1. The most extraordinary turtle paperweight ever seen, never to be diminished