Friday Face-Offs: “Dynamite” — WINNER!

First of all, I love that she murdered Bob Barker and stole his microphone.

Second of all, I love that she smokes two packs a day.

Third of all, I love her plans for the summer:

“When every new song comes out, I’m gonna do it. I promise you I probably will.” LOL, small amount of songs she has to sing! Guys, she has to do a version of EVERY NEW SONG.

Anyway, let’s rock:

The weirdest moment comes near the end, when you can hear what she’s singing along to, and it sounds like a completely different song. Is it even “Dynamite?” How can she focus? I think we’re looking at a future inductee into the Air-Traffic Controller Hall of Fame.

FRIDAY FACE-OFFS!!! Remember to always wear your favorite brands. That’s basically the moral of this story called “my blog on the internet.”


Friday Face-Offs: “Dynamite” – 2nd Place

Okay, I know people might not agree with this choice. “Second place, really?” they’ll say. “Have all those pencil shavings gone to your head?”

But hear me out.

The reasons I like “Dynamite” by Taio Cruz are:

1. Good solid keyboard riff
2. When he sings “it goes on and on and on” for the second time, in his upper register, it’s nice
3. Cavalcade of zhweep zhwoops

But the main reason is:

4. The wonderful lyric, “I’m wearing all my favorite brands”

For some reason I just love that lyric. It’s sooo much cooler than, “I’m wearing my Burberry” or “I’m wearing my Gucci” or whatever, I don’t even know what those rapping kids are wearing these days.

The idea that ANYONE can sing along to “Dynamite” and when they get to that lyric, think about how awesome they’re looking in their favorite brands: their Ambercombie(sp), or their L.L. Bean, or their OshKosh B’gosh, or their Lane Bryant, or whatever! EVERYBODY’S GOT THEIR FAVORITE BRANDS, YOU KNOW THEY DO.

For instance, I can think about how I’m rolling up to the club in my nice white athletic socks and my Land’s End shirt I bought when my mom gave me a gift certificate. I’m just reppin’ my brands and my style, you know?

NOW, HAVING SAID ALL THAT, watch how this dude completely kills that lyric (0:15). GOOSEBUMPS, I’m not kidding. That is what we call a hot-ass line reading. It made me LOL for real the first time I watched it. God he just destroys that shit. I love it. Visually and aurally, that is FLAWLESS.

Friday Face-Offs! Everybody wear their favorite brands RIGHT NOW.

I’m not even kidding! Winning video is next! You better go put on your favorite brands!!!

Friday Face-Offs: Dynamite – 4th Place

I hope the name of this band is “The All-Other-Motherfuckers Destroying Machine,” because that’s basically what they do here:

OMG, 0:55 FTW!!! LOL at how hard that bangs.

Friday Face-Offs! “We’re gonna light it up like it’s dynamite.”

Three videos left!!! Everybody go put on all their favorite brands for the top three videos!!!

Friday Face-Offs: Dynamite – 5th Place

This is a reaaally sloppity-gloppity chop of “Dynamite,” but the keyboards sound soooo freakin’ amazing, I had to sneak it in. It sounds like a brontosaurus throwing a rave against the wall. And the zhweep zhwoop is BANGING.

Still thinking about all my favorite brands, and how I’m gonna wear them to the club tonight. ALL OF THEM.

Anyway, here’s a chopped mash-up of “Dynamite” with “California Gurls” (ugh) by Katy Perry. It was boring me until (1:47), when things started sounding real nice. Again, sloppy, but sometimes that makes it more exciting. Just ask the Replacements.

But uggh, yeah, I am not a fan of Katy Perry. It feels very pandering to me. Why is that? And is California Gurls biting from that MGMT song, the one that followed Kids?

“So many questions.” Friday Face-Offs!!! It’s DYNAMITE.

Friday Face-Offs: Dynamite – 6th Place

I was just thinking: One of the best things about me wearing all my favorite brands is that you can tell what kind of guy I am just by looking at me (and my brands).

Anyway … it’s candle time. Time to chill.

Okay, confession time: I almost sorta got goosebumps the first time they really hit the chorus (1:03). Am I a sentimental sap? I dunno. It just looks like they’re having such a nice time, like they said: “Look, our tans look awesome, you play guitar, I play keyboards, we love rockin’ the club, and I have this big-ass scented candle. Should we make a web video or what???” And then lo and behold, they made this nice video for you to enjoy on Friday Face-Offs!

FFO FTW!!! (“Friday Face-Offs For The Win”)

Keep it locked … next contestant coming up!

Friday Face-Offs: Dynamite – 7th Place

My favorite thing about this great song “Dynamite” by Taio Cruz is that it uses the “Zhweep Zhwoop” sound from “Party in the USA,” which is a song I can’t stand for some reason. Both songs were produced by Dr. Luke, who is the producer of the moment (look at the charts and every song you’re humming is by him). So he’ll take a zhweep zhwoop and just run it into the ground. I can respect that. It’s like a late-night infomercial style of producing:

“Do you love the zhweep zhwoop sound but you’re just so tired of having to listen to Party in the USA in order to hear it? The inconvenience, the headaches — it’s just TOO MUCH! Well, now there’s Dynamite, a great song with the zhweep zhwoop sound you’ve come to love! No more hassles, no more headaches! Call 1-800-FRIDAY-MY-FUCKING-FACE-OFF to hear more!”

Anyway, at first I was gonna give the 7th place medal to this guy:

But then this guy showed up …

… and once you see 0:22, you’ll understand why he had to win. That’s some pure, artisanal foot-Mozart, right there! I love moments like that. Beat kicking in soooo hard.

Friday Face-Offs! I’m wearing all my favorite brands all day!!! Habitat for Humanity, Doctors Without Borders, and Adopt-A-Minefield!!! NOT TO MENTION GUCCI, PRADA, AND KATE SPADE BAGS!!!

Friday Face-Offs: Dynamite – 8th Place

Set if off like dynamite! S**t is blowing up like a m*****f****r in this video!

Check out the intensity at 2:35. You know he’s just barely keeping it together during those punchy keebs. I know the feeling. Those keyboards sound really good. But he doesn’t lose control (which is ironic, since I think one of the themes of this song is totally losing control in the club and wearing all your favorite brands).

OMG, FFO FTW! It’s good to be back!

Friday Face-Offs! “It doesn’t get any more faced-off than this.”

Stay tuned, next contestant coming up quick!


Oh my dear, dear mnftiu reader: You thought I’d forgotten about Friday Face-Offs, didn’t you?

You thought I’d gone all “Joe Hollywood Pencil-Sharpener?” Please.

You thought all I could do was liveblog “Minute To Win It” and “Frogs?” Don’t make me laugh.

Friday Face-Offs!!!

Welcome to the 23rd installment of the greatest thing on the internet since computers.

It’s been too long, so let’s get to it. There’s no time for pussy-footing around. It’s Friday, so let’s Friday-Face-Off our fucking faces off.

This week’s song is “Dynamite” by Taio Cruz. Watch the original video here:

I love this song. If it was more mindless, it’d bill your HMO for the lobotomy. And in honor of this song … for this one day only … I’m wearing all my favorite brands.

“Y’all know me!”

First contestant is up next! You do remember how awesome FFO is, right? BUCKLE UP.

Friday Face-Offs!!!!!!!!