Guys, if you were among the 20,000 people who attended SXSW just for the fleeting hope of being able to touch the hem of my garment, you’re probably still reeling at the fact of my absence!!!

What happened? Did I chicken out when I realized the other people on my panel were successful entrepreneurs, whereas I’m just a blogger in a bathrobe? Answer: NO. Wasn’t I fully prepared to burn up the conference with my white-hot internet knowledge? Answer: YES.

The answer is nefarious, outrageous, and just plain horrible-acious!

The Web 1.0 Luddites who run Delta airlines decided to delay my flight until such time as it was impossible for me to arrive in Austin in time for my panel!

Obviously, Delta’s corporate board realized their entire business model was threatened by my Web 2.0 HTML-and-animated-gif skills, so they took extreme measures, inconveniencing hundreds of passengers and frustrating their own flight crew, just to keep one li’l internet genius (a.k.a. ME) from attending the SXSW Texas Computer Conference.

I am very sad about this. Why?

1. Wanted to meet the other panelists, all of whom are doing cool things online;
2. Wanted to eat authentic “Tex-Mex” food, especially “Tex-Mex Chex Mix,” the original breakfast cereal snack from south of the border;
3. Wanted to hang out with the Rude Mechs (the folks who made the GYWO play, remember when I pestered you to see that?);
4. Wanted to take up one fan’s offer of free, unlimited pedi-cab rides all around Austin! Are you kidding me? I could have done my grocery shopping!
5. Wanted to network with other computer geniuses like myself.

I will post my PowerPoint presentation later today, so you can experience what might have been.

I feel embarrassed to admit this, guys, since it may take a little shine off my reputation as the “hottest blogger on the scene,” but I don’t own a laptop computer.

This means I won’t be able to live-blog the SXSW Computer Conference. (Oh, you didn’t know I’m going to the conference? You obviously didn’t read this.)

Anyway, I will try my best to remember EVERYTHING I see and hear and learn at the conference, and then — no more than ten times a day — I will ask a stranger if I can borrow their computer to live-blog my memories of the conference.

It’ll be like you’re inside my mind inside Texas.

The organizer of the SXSW panel I’m participating in (click here for more information) says we will accept questions via twitter!

So tomorrow evening, send all your questions to twitter.

THANKS

For those who can’t make it to SXSW for the big panel, here are my internet-related predictions. THESE ARE EMBARGOED UNTIL FRIDAY NIGHT, NEWS ORGANIZATIONS TAKE NOTE OR I’LL SUE YOU.

David Ree’s’es Internet Predictions (SXSW Computer Conference, 2009)

1. Twitter bankrupt within one year (“People will eventually realize they don’t care if Tom Clancy is washing his dog”)

2. IBM introduces iBMPhone (“Say hello to the iPhone killer”)

3. I unveil hottest new search app: AppleGoogleChancery.com, which is a Google clone in which all text appears in Apple Chancery, the greatest font of all time (“I searched for ‘Falafel Triumvirate’ just to see what it looked like in Apple Chancery.”)

4. Ebay continues to offer the best bargains

5. Amazon Kindle goes bankrupt in one month (“What kind of idiot gets excited about reading 5,000 books at the same time, grow up and read one book at a time like an adult.”)

Guys, the hype surrounding Friday’s SXSW panel is reaching “WATCHMEN” proportions! If you don’t believe me, just check out these sites and pretend they’re talking about the panel:

1. cnn.com

2. amazon.com

3. ebay.com

The other panelists are entrepreneurs doing great things on this amazing device we all love called the internet. I hope to learn from them … as well as teach them a thing or two! (Actually I’m more interested in teaching than learning, because learning involves listening to other people, and that’s not really my style and besides as soon as I stop talking, my mouth goes into “riff mode,” where it automatically starts humming the hottest rock ‘n’ roll riffs, and then the person tries to talk over me, like, “Sir do you know why I pulled you over? It’s because your bumper stickers are so hilarious, I’d like your autograph.”)

Here’s my to-do list:

1. Brush up on my programming (C++, Java, Pascal, Kindle, Visual Basic, etc.)
2. Post some thoughts to my twitter group
3. Teach myself how to play Tetris using old pieces of toast so I can start a company called “Video Games Breakfast LIVE!!!” where people come to your house and recreate classic video games using toast, eggs, and juice
4. Find myself on google maps and wave to myself so that whenever I need a pick-me-up, I can click on google maps and find myself waving to myself in space
5. Trick someone into buying me a laptop computer so I can live-blog the entire SXSW conference without having to ship my desktop computer all the way to Texas
6. Buy toothpaste, so I don’t have “internet breath”