For those who can’t make it to SXSW for the big panel, here are my internet-related predictions. THESE ARE EMBARGOED UNTIL FRIDAY NIGHT, NEWS ORGANIZATIONS TAKE NOTE OR I’LL SUE YOU.

David Ree’s’es Internet Predictions (SXSW Computer Conference, 2009)

1. Twitter bankrupt within one year (“People will eventually realize they don’t care if Tom Clancy is washing his dog”)

2. IBM introduces iBMPhone (“Say hello to the iPhone killer”)

3. I unveil hottest new search app: AppleGoogleChancery.com, which is a Google clone in which all text appears in Apple Chancery, the greatest font of all time (“I searched for ‘Falafel Triumvirate’ just to see what it looked like in Apple Chancery.”)

4. Ebay continues to offer the best bargains

5. Amazon Kindle goes bankrupt in one month (“What kind of idiot gets excited about reading 5,000 books at the same time, grow up and read one book at a time like an adult.”)