Best Of 2008

Best Of 2008: POLLS

Lots of historical stuff happened in 2008, but I think the most significant development of the year was HOW AWESOME ALL THE POLLS WERE. Hardcore MNFTIU-Heads will remember that I commissioned about 500 polls in the immediate aftermath of the presidential election, and everyone was so excited about my polls they jumped up and down!

Here’s my list of the TOP TEN POLLS OF 2008:

1. Zogby/PPP Red State Tracker (3/6/08):
M: 25%
O: 51%
H: 8%
G: 52%
(n = 9,035)

2. Newsweek Online (5/12/08):
M: 23%
O: 94%
(n = 25,473,075)

3. MNFTIU “Gut Check 9000″ (11/3/08):
M: 14,023,082
O: 12,953,087
(n = 325,303,117)

4. Fivethirtyeight.com Aggregate Sample (10/30/08):
X: 58,004
Y: 208,011

5. USA Today/Gallup Tracker (10/30/08):
M: 8,260,987,460,987
O: 3,874,670,308,923
(Remember how crazy everyone got after this poll was released? Amazing.)

6. Gallup Robocall Special (7/12/08):
“Don’t Know”: 40%
“Don’t Fear The Reaper”: 15%

7. Zogby/Zagat Spaghetti Poll About Who Cooks The Best Spaghetti (8/1/08):
David Rees: 100%!!!!

8. Gallip (Gallup knock-off –ed.) SuperPoll TM(11/1/08):
M: 762,345%
O: 569,034%
(I smashed a car window after this poll was released.)

9. “Ultra-Decimal” Brand Tracking Poll (9/15/08):
M: 25.00029
O: 83.28062
H: 8.000015
G: 625.8222

10. New York Times/Washington Post 2012 Preview Poll (12/2/08):
H: 2539845
J: 908348
L: 965390
P: 087360

Best Of 2008: JOKES

Here it is, the one you’ve been waiting for: BEST JOKES OF THE YEAR!!!

1. “Hey, it’s really cold! I guess someone forgot to tell GLOBAL WARMING about that!”

2. “Hey, did you notice Hillary’s pants? I guess they really SUIT her!”

3. “Why do chickens make better lovers? Because they NUGGET!” (pronounce “nugget” like “snuggle”)

4. “Hey, the Olympics were in China! Does that mean everyone ate chinese food? Because does that mean they used chopsticks? Because gymnasts need to STICK their landings, so I bet that was great!”

5. “Why did the economy go to the psychologist? Because it was having DEPRESSION.

6. “I guess President Bush is really excited to leave office and go home; after all he’s a real MOMMA’S BOY.

7. “What did Rev. Jeremiah Wright say when his car broke down? GODDAMN CAR!

8. “Hey, did you hear about Dick Cheney’s blog? It’s really crazy!”

9. “What’s the difference between MTV and VH1? Who knows, all I see is a bunch of weirdos jumping up and down!”

10. “I saw a really scary movie last night; it was called THE ECONOMY.

Best Of 2008: MEMES

Memes are ideas that everyone on the internet talks about at the same time. 2008 was a great year for memes — you would need ten New York Times Sunday Magazines to really do them justice!

Here’s my list of the TOP TEN MEMES OF 2008:

1. “Make it yourself” (“MIY”)
2. “Blogs are like diaries”
3. “Go for the gold” (because of the Olympics)
4. “Bailout”
5. “Eat healthy, act healthy, BE healthy!”
6. “You only live once in 2008″
7. “SPICY MEATBALLS!!!”
8. “Privatize the profit, publicize the rest”
9. “Party like a rockstar”
10. “Computers, computers, computers … look at all the computers.”

Best Of 2008: FASHION

Can’t believe I forgot this one! 2008 was an exhilarating year for fashion. And with today’s economy, we can only assume it will get better, as people sink all their investments into the hottest fashions and courture (sp).

Here’s my list of the TOP TEN FASHIONS OF 2008:

1. Women’s Fashions
2. Men’s Fashions
3. Tween Fashions
4. Extreme Fashions
5. Political Fashions
6. War Fashions
7. Celebrity Fashions
8. Online Fashions
9. Community Fashions
10. Fun Fashions!

Best Of 2008: BOOKS

Empires may crumble and innocent lives may turn to dust, but books are forever. Literature is one of mankind’s noblest pursuits . . . yet more and more citizens would rather turn on their TV than open a book. America, what is happening to us. Anyway, 2008 was another great year for books.

Here’s my list of the TOP TEN BOOKS OF 2008:

1. Inspirational
2. Space Novels
3. Old-Time British Mystery
4. SuDoKu
5. Historical
6. Coffee Table
7. How-To
8. Cartoons
9. For Dummies
10. Bibles, misc. religious

Best Of 2008: DATING (by request)

Some say 2008 will forever be known as “the year of romance” because people went on so many dates with each other. Whether at bars, clubs, museums, or concerts, you could always find people on dates. Sometimes they were even holding hands. Sometimes they were like, “Ooh, you’re so cute, I love this date we’re having, let’s go home and make a baby.” America, where did we go wrong?

Here’s my list of the TOP TEN DATING-RELATED TRENDS OF 2008:

1. “What’s your name on myspace?”

2. Blind dates

3. Talking politics over a glass of wine

4. Splitting the bill — THE NEW NORMAL?

5. “Ladies first”

6. Match.com lawsuit: Everyone on the site has to date everyone else on the site

7. TiVO dates (“I’ll record 60 Minutes and we can watch it on our date”)

8. Meeting chicks/chucks at book clubs: joining twenty book clubs in order to meet chicks/chucks; not reading the books; not even knowing what a book is

9. Riding the bus

10. Eating at an Italian restaurant

Best Of 2008: JOGGING

Jogging is great exercise for the active lifestyle. It feeds the heart, the legs, and the soul. At times during the year, it felt like all my friends were jogging. Maybe if Americans spent more time jogging and less time worshipping false idols, we wouldn’t have all these crazy problems we have. America, where did we go wrong.

Anyway, here’s my list of the TOP TEN JOGGING OF 2008:

1. Adidas Running
2. Olympics
3. Nike (still my favorite brand, gotta buy the shoes)
4. In The Park
5. Hurdles (a.k.a. “Jump-Jogging”)
6. Racing Jogging (a.k.a. “Running in a race”)
7. Chinese People Jogging
8. Stretching Exercises
9. Obama
10. Bush (c’mon guys, when you see him jogging, don’t you sort of love him and forgive him for everything?)

Best Of 2008: SPAGHETTI

Simply put, 2008 was one of the greatest years for spaghetti in decades. And this made me very happy, because I LOVE SPAGHETTI.

Here’s my list — think of it as a celebration — of the TOP TEN SPAGHETTI OF 2008:

1. Pasta
2. Risotto
3. Calamari (I try to eat this once a day for my health)
4. Red Sauce
5. Lasagna Spaghetti
6. Italiano
7. Muffalo Primo Zergotti
8. Presto
9. Ragu Limited Edition: Artisan Jar Sauce
10. George Lucas Signature Pasta Spaghetti

Best Of 2008: DESIGN

Good design lifts our spirits and improves our lives.

Here are the TOP TEN DESIGNS OF 2008:

1. Shoes
2. Luxury
3. Canoe
4. Flat-Screen TV
5. Balloons
6. Coffee Cups
7. Garden Hoses Painted Like Rattlesnakes With Real Rattles
8. “Apple Chancery Extreme” Font
9. The Biggest Sunglasses Of All Time
10. McCain/Palin Logo

Best Of 2008: CATCHPHRASES

I consider myself a catchphrase connoisseur. I’m always on the hunt for the hot new bit of cultural slang that will have the office-water-cooler-chatter buzzing. 2008 was a great year for catchphrases!

Here is my list of the TOP TEN CATCHPHRASES OF 2008:

1. “Later for you”
2. “Talk to my hand”
3. “You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me”
4. “Change”
5. “Two and a half men”
6. “Ya think?!?” (My friend Mike was rocking this phrase all year)
7. “See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya”
8. “How’s the weather up there because of how tall you are?” (said to a tall person)
9. “Checked the stocks today? Better yet, DON’T!” (this catchphrase is about the financial recession)
10. “I saw it online”