Just sold a bottle of white wine to a gentleman who paid with a ONE HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL.

“Playas only, drink that wine.”

Reader KL concurs with my analysis of Mad Men:

Oddly enough, it was MY first time watching Mad Men last night, too….pretty boring, you betcha….

I should’ve gone with the old Sunday night standby, Law and Order Criminal Intent rerun instead.

Hmm, I don’t know if I’d go that far … good ol’ Law & Order … finally a realistic cop show for grown-ups … definitely holds up well against The Wire, LOL. Let’s watch Vincent D’onofrio have a conniption fit for 45 minutes, and then the suspect will totally confess to everything while their attorney sits there not doing anything to shut ’em up … we all know how often that happens in real life.

“Yes, yes, okay, I admit: I murdered socialite Doris Hilton. She wouldn’t dine in my restaurant so I stabbed her in the neck with a mustard bottle. Then I dumped her body in the hottest Williamsburg nightclub where all those lousy teenagers go to snort cocaine. Also, rap music is scary. And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for you meddling kids. Whoa, hey, are you Eric Bogosian? What are you doing here? Anyway, yeah, lock me up forever, I don’t care. By the way, I’m so glad my rich parents paid so much money for this hard-as-nails defense attorney, because he’s obviously doing a great job preventing me from putting my foot in my mouth and confessing to everything. Thanks a lot, Mr. Attorney. Okay, so, umm, do I just put the handcuffs on myself, or what? Hello? I’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight with ominous Yahama DX-7 synthesizer music going crazy, what happens next? Oh, you’re rolling credits? Okay. Dick Wolf, much respect.”

I don’t know, guys. It might just be that Sunday night is read-a-book night.

That reminds me: I finished The Plague. There was a twist ending re: who the narrator was. I had forgotten that the narrator turned out to be one of the infected rats. He had taught himself to read and write while all the other rats were dying of plague.

In case you think I made up that story about the incredible Merlot/Bordeaux wine of the week, read what the wine shop owners say about this wine:

Here is a wine that will make the transition to Fall beautifully. The 2005 vintage in Bordeaux is considered the best in a century, certainly the best in our lifetime. The benefit is not only for the top end châteaux, but also for everyday wines such as this bottle. The fruit is that much riper and complex, thus making for a wine that drinks like a more expensive one. This pure Merlot is harvested mainly from the Premières Côtes de Blaye area of the right bank of the Gironde. It is aged in oak barrels, imparting depth and perfume.

“Best in our lifetime?” Are you kidding me? You people better come in here and buy some of this motherfuckin’ wine, or you’re gonna regret it for the rest of your life. I’m opening one of these bottles tonight.

Okay, so I’m sitting here working at the wine shop … wines flying every which way … even wines with bubbles in them … and then I notice that the “Wine of the Week” is the 2005 Vincent Saincrit Bordeaux, which is a MERLOT. Booyah. Regular readers of this blog know how hard I go to the mat for Merlot, the greatest kind of wine, the wine that crushes all other wines (even champagne) … and now, I’ve got this case of this bad-ass Merlot sitting here, and it’s 10% off this week only. Let’s make this happen!!!

I’m gonna try this wine myself, tonight. Can’t wait! The label is really nice; you’d think this wine costs $50 a bottle. But it’s quite a bit less … come on into the wine shop and let me blow your mind with what a great bargain this bottle is …

By the way, I’m working in the wine shop today … expect many updates … come on by and buy a bottle … fine wine is a great accompaniment to your evening meal … I have both red and white wines available today …

Last night I tuned into the hit series MAD MEN to see what the buzz was about.

Oh my goodness, could this show be more boring? Seriously, this is what everyone’s going ga-ga over? Some lady going to the hospital to have a baby while her husband sits in the waiting room and talks to some random guy? Hello?

Meanwhile, some skinny advertising dude is talking about “White people watch TV like this, but black people watch TV like this.”

Please, this show was more boring than licking a piece of notebook paper while listening to a dial tone.

Oh, wait, I forgot about one scene that was really exciting: Some lady was like, “I want a raise,” and the main guy was like, “I can’t do it, they’re counting paper clips” (seriously!).

FINAL VERDICT: Thumbs down. Please let us never speak of this television program again.

To avoid a quarrel is a setback for sin, for it is a hot temper that kindles quarrels.
A sinner sows trouble between friends and spreads scandal where before there was peace.
A fire is kept hot by stoking and a quarrel by persistence.
A man’s rage is in proportion to his strength, and his anger in proportion to his wealth.
A hasty argument kindles a fire, and a hasty quarrel leads to bloodshed.

Blow on a spark to make it glow, or spit on it to put it out.
Both results come from the one mouth.

–Ecclesiasticus 28:8-12

The Almanac Wars continue … reader JK finally stepped up and filmed his collection, sideways-style.

Very impressive … no audio commentary required … just a cold, hard look at one man’s collection of almanacs.

Can anybody out there top this collection? Bring it.

Can you feel the storm gathering? No, not the storm about gay people marrying … the other storm … the one about statistics and data … the one about “Where was the biggest pumpkin grown last year,” or “What’s the second-longest river in Tallahassee …”

I’m talking about the coming ALMANAC WARS.

Blog reader, internet entrepreneur, and almanac enthusiast JK sends along a video he found. Please wrap your face in aluminum foil before watching, or else when your face melts it’ll drip all over your keyboard and you won’t be able to type without getting melted face on your fingertips, and then people will call you “Mr. Finger-Face,” and when they take your fingerprints they’ll see your melted eyes staring up at them.

Holy shit, does he kill it very hard re: 2008 Almanac? (1:08) “I got it after it came out … about a day after it came out.”

JK notes: “My collection destroys this guy’s, BTW.”

Oh yeah? PROVE IT. Post a video of your collection or STFU. Big dogs only. Poor Richard’s, represent.