11:35 Oh shit … I guess the Olymipcs are over for the night. Snuck up on me. Thanks to Sam for coming over, thanks to the wine donors, and thanks to YOU for reading! See you soon … @ THE OLYMPICS …

11:32 HOLD UP AGAIN: Big-ass typography controvesry . Just got an email from a reader wondering ABOUT my use of “@” … I use @ to mean “at” (as in “see you @ the library”) and also to mean “about” like “My favorite thing @ the Olympics is ski-racing” and Sam says nobody does that . TRUE??? DId I make up that use of @???? WTF??? I thought everyone used it that way!

11:29 HOLD UP are the Olymipcs over for the night??? WTF? NO, wait, Costas is just signing off … one last look at the “P.Square” 🙁 Okay, NBC is pumped b/c lots of superstar Americans won. WHat’s good for USA is good for ratings, I think. Feeling this reggae music montage of the victors … WIll.I.Am? Or somebody else? Wyclef?

11:28 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

11:26:34 🙂 🙁 <---- 🙂 😛 11:26 Guys just noticed that wordpress converted my emoticon (re: pocket square) into like some kind of cartoon face ... my apologies ... that is NOT OK 🙁 11:25:34 Mancuso / Vonna rivalry? What's going on? Vonn: "I knew I had to go out there and take it." Sounds like Sam's attitude towards all my KALE 11:25 Sam: "Mancuso's bitter. She's mad she got beat." 11:19 Big argument at wineblogging HQ @ who took all the kale for our customized pizzas ... 11:15 PIZZA BREAK BACK IN 53/100ths of a second ... <---- WAIT ALERT "Get that pocket square" Costas holding it down ... pinstripes and pocket squares (name of my new broadway musical I'm writing) 11:13 Here comes the big finale for Shaun White! BIG FINISH ... but I can't tell the difference b/w all these snowboard jumps! Sam says he could tell the difference, like I'm some kind of idiot ... ARGGHGGH "it's atheltes like Shawn Wite that make you think the imopssible is poissble" <--- announcer He did the double McTiwst ... dude I'm not trying to eat at McDonalds!!! Now Sam's mad at me b/c I'm not feeling the special finale 11:11 Shaun WHite wins the gold medal. I feel nothing. SOrry to be a hater, guys. AM I just old and bitter? I don't know I still like to have fun and whatnot. Somethign@ this kid just feels off to me ... Fuck it might as well admit I don't like Kanye West, either. And btw why does Schoolly D have less than 200 followers on twitter? 11:10:23:11 "THERE'S A TERM THAT SOME OF US USE ... IT'S CALLED TAPPING INTO THE EYE OF THE TIGER..." there's our quote for the night, right there. Thank you mr. announcer 11:09 Damn we're getting NO KIND of Costas tonight ... WTF ... "a blogger needs a pocket square right about now" 11:08 That guy Peetu Pii... (whatever) just moved into silver medal position with a score of 45.0 Announcer: "That was shocking to me..." hmm controversy in the works? Next up: some other dude ... backside 900 .... speaking of "Backside," he just flat-busted out on his backside ... NEXT ... 11:05:53 Can Vito pull it off??? USA #1 in snowboarding??? We invented this sport, right? With no help from fuddy-duddies like me. Whoops Vito couldn't pull it off ... "it will not be a podium sweep..." next up: Peetu Something-or-other currently in 4th ... "his strength: technicality and perfection" that'll work! 11:05 PM Whoa, lady, not sure it's okay to have the Am. Flag bunched up in yr hands like that 11:04 Li'l Vito back on the pipe ... hittin' the pipe ... Americans could sweep ... 11:03 "The big risk of going absolutely massive out of the pipe" ... hey all my 420 heads you know what that could be an innuendo for, right? "Smokin' a fat jay" LOL I'm laughing right now 11:01:00 PM some guy is talking about how futuristic his car is ... now it's the Alice in Wonderland ad by Tim Burton ... is that Johnny Depp? ... yeah, it is ... okay, what's this another Morgan Migraine special for VISA credit cards ... now another ad where this guy talks about his amazing car: "It's like sittign on an air hockey table" ... hmm is that good? I'd rather sit on a seat, brah.

10:58 Reader feedback (no time for quote attribution): “Dude, your olyblogging rocks my socks off, keep it up….” “eating popcorn and hitting refresh. don’t stop. it’s magic…” “I cannot thank you enough for your coverage of the Olympics! It has made all the difference to me….” “i love your wine-blogging of the olympics….” etc. etc. thanks guys!!! WE’RE DOING IT!!! GOLD MEDALS ON THE HOUSE …

10:57 Thanks to reader NA for settling the Chris. Guest argument … in my favor, needless to say!!!

10:56:01:00 SAM AND I ARE PUMPED kokubo on the course half pipe!!! get surly!!! getgnarly! I hope he beats Shaun WHite … oh no he crashed. … Sam: “stick a ruler up there so we can tell how they’re going … this feels sloppy … if you wanna be a sport, don’t be like, ‘Oh he’s as high as that cameraman over there'” goddamn my boy is feeling his oats w/r/t snowboarding!!! (w/r/t = dfw tribute)

10:55 POPCORN AD! I jsut saw an ad about popcorn!!!! REMEMEBR THE OTHER NIGHT WHEN I WAS EATING SO MUCH POPCORN//// I LIVED IT

10:53 Target bringing the lounge music … lots of things for under $20 for all you fashionistas out there reading my blog … Target!!! … now some kind of historical USA ad about how we’re all in this together as long as we use Allstate Insurance if not you can burn in hell … Allstate “I’m over here now!” NEW MOTTO

10:52:01 I knewthat kid would crash i could just feel it but he’s only 19 so it’s all good

10:51 Damn, it’s Shaun White I misspelled it … Louie Vito, 5’5″ and stuck in 5th place! Sam: “Curse of the fives…” Yowch, “the dark side of Harry Potter…”

10:49 Syriana + Bourne Identity

10:48 She’s about get on the cover of “Canadian Wheaties” cereal …

10:47:02 Fuck it, I wouldn’t believe WIkipedia anyway … keep the blog burning … Maelle Ricker is about to receive a medal for snowboarding … she’s from Canada so we’re listening to “Argh, Canada,” the famous national anthem … she has world-weary eyes … what horrors has she seen????

10:47:01 WIkipedia break? SHani Davis age-check?

10:46 Famous USA speedskater Shani Davis being interviewed … damn he’s burnin’ in the replay … big long arms… the best look … how old is he? He looks 40!!! WAIT WAIT Sam says he looks 19??? “Get those cataracts check out, buddy” this dude is totally middle-aged SHani Davis is lookin’ 45 years old!!!!

10:45 POCKET SQUARE >>>> 🙂

10:42 Recap of last night’s male figure-skate dancing … all my old friends … the passion, I remember … donchaknow… “furgaddabeoutit.”

10:40:53 I dunno about Shawn WHite and his private mountainside snowboard course …

10:40 Shawn White gets a 46.8 … is that good? He thinks so? ALl I know is, if he was figure-skating, that score would totally suck a goose’s ass …

10:39 On a phone call … blogging too … here comes Shawn WHite , the most famous snowboarder … here he goes … flying thru the air … he’s happy … who are these guys, wearing blue jeans? SLow-mo replay proves how high in the air he went on his snowboard … look at his hair flying …

10:35 Our next snowboarder — whoevere he is — just flew in the air like 500 feet … a big “WHOA!” from Sam … “a very good run” … what’s this kid’s name? Scotty Lago? I wish NBC would put the athlete’s name — WIAT PHONE RINGING

10:31 Kokubo (Japanese snowboarder) looking GLUM … I’ll root for him … GODAAmn he just something WACKY … “fronside 1080” … ouch … FACE-PLANT … take that face to a greenhouse, kid, b/c it’s a face PLANT …

10:30:25 Okay, it looks cool in slowed-down-motion replay, I admit … then again, what doesn’t? Maybe an old man eating spaghetti? … wait maybe I misjudged this kid Louie Vito … startign to like him …

10:30 Louie Vito maybe ease up on the “human bobble-head” action …

10:29 GOLD MEDAL HAMMER-DROP WINNER: Sam on Louie Vito: “Whoa … five-foot five? That’s why he’s acting like that.” SNAP

10:27 Having argument about whether Christopher Guest directs all the commercials starring his troupe of actors… David = Yes; Sam – NO

10:25 When can we see more of that speed-skating we were watching a few mintues ago?? That was a real sport … not this “triple ollie” rigarmorale (? goddamn how do you spell that)

10:22 Some kid busted his ass on his freestyle snowboard …. he’ll probably talk about it on myspace…

10:23 BTW, merlot drinking very well… Gold medal taste … a great value …follow these guys on twitter: @artisanwineshop

10:22 PIZZA arrived, that’s why there was an unacceptable pause in liveblogging

10:21 Next up: Snowboarding freestyle or whatever … not that interested? Why: BECAUSE I’M A GROWN-ASS MAN

10:14 Sam just told me about a performance art piece he heard about … all I can say is GODDAMN they should give that person a gold medal for “WTF”

10:13 Costas giving a shout-out to our troops in Kabul … much respect guys, stay safe and watch out for pocket squares…

10:11 Here’s that ol’ McDOnald’s commercial YET AGAIN … like Olympians eat Chicken McNuggets … PLEASE

10:10 Now Sam’s talking about some highly confidential shit.

10:09 WHere’s North Korea at the Olympics? HOld up, Colgate commercial featuring Brooke Shields?

10:08 MY NEW FAVORITE SPORT: MEN’S RELAY SPEED SKATE SHORT-RACING or whatever it’s called

10:08 Blog reader S.O., you’er sending me mad emails … I love it but I can’t answer them yet …

10:07 PM Okay you know what? I actually like this event. This is awesome! Everyone is constnatly in mostion, pushing off each other’s butt … going from inside to outside, plus they’re going fast as a “muhr-feh”

10:04:50:23 Speaking of Korea, once I went to China. It was really interesting … I went to Shanghai, Nanjing, WUhan, and Chonqing … I saw the 3 GOrges Dam, as in “God-DAM this thing is a hot mess…”

10:04 Big-ass crash! USA now in 2nd place … push off, guys, push off … USA vs Korea …

10:01:40:12 PM THe race is still going strong … nobody has quit … no crashes … like a well-oiled machine … just chillin’ right now … waiting on that pizza …

10:01 We’re off! THe men are racing … it’s like 200 ice skaters on the course! It’s like a relay or something … Sam: “It’s like the limbo” Umm… calling bullshit on that analogy, Sam. .. they push each other to go faster … I like it… graceful speed poetry in motion … “a testament to form” (private msg to SL) …

10:00 Whoa dudes pushing each other on the short-course speed skating! (Replay of earlier race) Okay … here comes a new race … Goddamn I don’t know about Mr. Ono’s soul patch, I might say “Oh no” to that soul patch … (get it, b/c his name is Ono–stupid but it made me giggle) … damn these guys wear some puffy-ass helmets …

9:59 SOul patch!!! Apollo Ono bringing an A1 soul patch!

9:57 (SAY IN Dick Vitale voice): IT’S THE OLYMPICS, BAY-BEE!!! POCKET SQUAYUH! IT DOESN’T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS, BAY-BEE!

9:56 OMG OMG POCKET SQUARE POCKET SQUARE WE HAVE POCKET SQUARE!!!!

9:54 NOW SHE’S RUNNING to find her coach? Or her lover? 🙁 No, I think it’s her coach. .. they’re hugging and crying … Sam: “Don’t you think it must be anticlimactic? Deep down she must be faking it (ie the tears)” Controversial analysis from Sam! “NBC will definitely not be calling you.” Sam: “Maybe the rot sets in a week later.” Sam, you’re about to be public enemy #1 with your player-hating … dude, c—WAIT — WAIT — pocketr square!!! POCKEt SQUARE

9:51 Okay, this ain’t Sam-blogging… it’s Olympo-blogging … get a grip … OKAY LINDSEY VONN is showing her heart right now … weeping with joy … I’m feeling this … goddamn I have a feeling we’re gonna see her on a box of Kashi Cereal soon … or maybe Wheaties? Hmm … grapenuts is my fave cereal … but I buy SHopRite fake grapenuts too be penny-wise … goddamn you can truly type anything can’t you? Liveblogging is so cool … anyway, VOnn is talking about how she went down the mountain burnin’ ass like nobody’s business .. “My leg was killing me … I was tired …” now we’re seeing her in slow-mo flying through the air like a trapeze … “What else should we be prepared to see you accomplish?” Lindsey: “I don’t care.” GODDAMN I LOVE YOU LINDSEY!!!

9:50:30 Now Sam’s playing my guitar. Seems to have a working knowledge of both D and C chords … maybe I’ll give him a gold medal at guitar playing

9:50 Morgan Freeman arrrggghh with the goddamn VISA ads. Sam: “I once did an amazing Morgan Freeman impressoin.” Me: “Do it now.” Sam: “I don’t think I could do it again.” Now Sam’s talking about some monologue from the Shawshank Redmpetion , “Or maybe it was Driving Miss Daisy.” Great, so my friend Sam is either a sentimentalist or a racist!!!

9:48 Sometimes I can’t tell what’s an NBC mini-documentary and what’s a credit card commercial

9:47 BREAKING: Lindsey Vonn has won the Woman’s Gold Medal In Girl’s Ski-Racing. We have a confirmed GOld medal winner!!! GIRL POWER

9:46 Are USA Women gonna sweep the ski-racing contest???

9:45:59 Can anyone beat Vonn at this point? I don’t think so … she’s just too beautiful … but this lady skiing right now looks okay … M. Riesch is her name, if I’m interpreting the graphics fcorrectly … “she just doesn’t want the speed” …

9:43 Sam: “It was like someone put her in a blender! (beat) I’ve got good, evocative crash descriptions.”

9:42 HUGE ski crash, guys. Damn, that one didn’t even look fun … dude just showed up with a snow shovel! It’s that bad … she was going so fast, she crashed! Right on her heiney! “Fehgadderboutit”

9:40 PM here comes another skier … from Denmark … but in important news, we’re ordering a pizza … Sam: “Do your visualization exercises about ordering the pizza …” PIZZA ORDER IS BURNING UP THE SLOPES … we’re ordering with half no-cheese, b/c I keep telling ppl I”m vegan even thought that’s fake as shit b/c a couple weeks ago my friends ordered me bone marrow at a fancy restaurant and I got all up in its “biz-dee-ness” (favorite word I made up last night) …

9:37:45 Gettin’ slippy and sloppy with time codes and spelling … “Fugaddaboutit”

9:37 MP ONE SKI??? Lindsey Vonn was rocking ONE SKI??? “Furgettabadoutit”

9:36 PM no longer italicizing time-codes … no time …

9:35 PM What happened? Sam and I were in the kitchen planning our pizza order and then we heard all this screaming and cheering — somebody musta just gone plain ol’ crazy on the slope … DEVELOPING

9:29 PM Time to thank my wine donors from yesterday: christopher savastio AND especially “Emil Zatopek” for those in the know …

9:28 PM ANOTHER CRASH ANOTHER LADY HITS THE SNOW … chilling hard on her butt, just sliding down the slope … then she got mad and thrashed about with her ski-pole!!!

9:27 PM For the record: We’re going to be drinking my fave liveblogging wine: Stephen Vincent 2006 Merlot!!! “The original Olywineblog wine!”

9:26 PM Now some guy is talking into a microphone about something, maybe about snow or something … not sure, Sam and I are talking about something– OH SHIT SAM BROUGH THE WINE… WE ABOUT TO GET BUCK…

9:25 PM BIG OL’ CRASH … floppin’ every which way .. Sam: “Like a killer whale tossing a seal…” our prayers go out to her family and her skis …

9:22 PM SA = Sam. I’m just gonna call him Sam from now on.

9:20 PM Goddamn some woman just tore up the slopes … I was like “is that Vonn?” and SA yelled at me: “That’s Mancuso! SHe’s a legend!” Oh shit we got an Olympics expert up in here!!!

9:17 PM My friend SA has arrived!!! He better start being funny … oh shit he’s already bringing some A+ material about spandex … THIS IS WHY WE GET UP IN TH EMORNING

9:15:46 PM Another woman is skiing … she looks good … “these girls have got to nail it aggressively…” she’s from Austria I think … she’s been skiing for 57 seconds now …

9:15 PM GUYS THANKS for all the nice emails you’re sending … will try to answer via liveblog …

9:14 PM REminds me a couple years ago when I got banned from a UNC basketball message board for criticizing Roy Williams’ Coca-Cola ads … LOL they weren’t trying to hear about human rights abuses at COlombian bottling plants … TY LAWSON WHY AREN’T YOU RETURNING MY CALLS

9:13 PM As a former left-wing political cartoonist, I assume I don’t have to register my disgust at the constant barrage of Coca-Cola ads, right?

9:12 PM I think we’re about to see a skiing race. Woman’s downhill skiing through the woods … no, no, wait … one woman at a time … I thought it was snowboardcross style, where you got four people going at the same time … okay, so this lady is racing down the course … going really fast … “we know it’s bumpy, we know it’s fast …” (talking about the course, not about how I’m gonna be demolishing pizza in about 30 minutes) … Stacy Cook was the skiers name .. she’s in the lead!

9:08:23:05 PM UPDATE: Lindsey Vonn, is the correct spelling.

9:08 PM Oly-doc @ Vaughn(sp), the famous woman skier … she’s one of our USA heroes, I think … “best US woman skier ever …” “Nearly ripped her thumb in half opening a champagne bottle at a victory celebration” I LIKE, I LIKE …

9:07 Oh shit, just off the phone with SA … we’re gonna order a pizza when he comes over!!! THE OLYPMICS ARE BACK, BABY

9:05 PM Awaiting arrival of blog reader SA, who will audio-commentate on the Olys and I will type what he says (if it’s funny) …

9:04 PM Mercedes commercial: “When you buy a car, what are you really buying?” Umm … a car, right?

9:03 PM Man that ice is looking smooooth … who couldn’t go fast on that ice?

9:02 PM Men’s speed-skating … lots of blue helmets: “What is this, the UN? Am I right or what people? I’m over here now …”

9:00:05:54 FYI, tonight’s posts will be recorded within 1/100th of a second, “Oly-style”

9:00:05 PM Here we are, face to face– a couple of OLYMPICS SPOONS

9:00 PM GAME ON

Olympics liveblogging will resume tonight at 9:00 PM EST.

Tell your friends!

From reader PM, last night:

Dude. I am sitting in front of a roaring fire in cable-free rural Vermont watching the Olys on my laptop via a slingbox tied into my brother’s TV hundreds of miles away, but without some badass liveblogging, this techno-wonder would be an empty experience. You are the wind beneath my wings.

Thank you! It’s my pleasure to help you soar.

11:35 PM Damn sorry I’m not liveblogging for shit … I’m still on the phone … wish I could liveblog this conversation, it’s good! ANyway, a bunch of dudes have been ice-skating ..

11:14 PM Skeletor’s got some moves … Castle Grayskull must have a good training regimen …

11:12 PM SKELETOR IN THE HOUSE

11:06 PM Now I’m supposed to get excited for some Doogie-Howser-lookin’ motherfucker? After my boy Johnny Weir? DOUBTFUL.

11:05 PM Consider this blogger SEDUCED by Johnny Weir … the kid is HOT … goddamn if I was “that way” I’d be all up in his biz-dee-ness…

11:01 PM Weir’s looking good … his costume is very Gaga-like … not sure what he’s skating to– I muted the music in deference to my friend on the phone … HELLO, LOOK AT THOSE EYES!!! THIS KID HAS STAR-POWER …

11:00 PM Oh snap my friend i”m on the phone with just told me this is JOhnny Weir, and he has a shrine to Lady Gaga in the Olympic village!

10:59 PM Lady Gaga taking the ice …

10:56 PM Damn he looks weird. Does he have amblyopia? (I worked for an eye doctor, I know these things.)

10:55 PM Here we go: That Canadian kid I told you about … Patrick Chan … Canada’s gold-medal hope … crowd is pumped … violin music coming on strong … here come the jmps … goofed on the triple axle… next two jumps look okay … now he’s running around like a madman on the ice … spinning … arms flailing around … looks like he’s being chased by an ex-lover’s ghost … emotions, passion …

10:49 PM My friend called me to tell me to get off the phone with my other friend and get back to live-blogging .. now I know why … Olympics gettin’ MAD COUNTRY & WESTERN …

10:48 PM Just hung up on my friend — this ice-skater is representing in OVERALLS … fucking A! Harmonica music??? Goddamn, the Olympics rocuel

10:43 PM Taking a quick break … received a phone call … must talk on the phone to my interlocutor …

10:42 PM We need a big jump from this kid … where are the jumps, dude? OH SHIT SPIN ALERT … goddamn he was spinning like a “moh-feh.” “All three members of the Japanese team just threw it down …” One thing I love about this routine? ONE SONG. None of this medley bullshit …

10:41 PM I am feeling this kid. I just wish we could hear Hendrix singing the song, not this instrumental version, but whatevs… I always liked this song … by the way, is it just me, or was Jimi Hendrix an awesome guitar player?

10:40 PM AXIS BOLD AS LOVE FTW

10:39 PM Takahiko Kozuka on the ice … LOL, looking pretty old … NOT, he’s like 11 years old … OH FUCK YEAH MALE ORGASM ALERT– JIMI HENDRIX SONG …

10:39 PM JOubert got a 68.00 … guys, that’s bad … he’s out of the running, even I know that.

10:37 PM Liveblog Editorial Comment: I really, really wish Cyndi Lauper wasn’t appearing on Celebrity Apprentice.

10:36 PM Joubert is NOT HAPPY … “it fell apart” … “disastrous short program” … “painful to watch” … goddamn, these commentators are brutal!

10:33 PM Next skater: Brian Joubert … gack, they’re talking about how one of his skates punctured his ankle or something? “Almost to the bone …” Say what? If that happened to me you wouldn’t find me within 4 miles of an ice-skate … I’m not trying to put deadly weapons on my feet … cool music! What is this? It sounds nice … oof, he biffed the quarduple toe jump … now he’s gotta do the triple lutz (the one that almost murdered his foot) … oh shit the music is getting techno … we’re bangin’ now … OUCH BIG FALL … buzz kill … God now I”m crushingly depressed …

10:29 PM I’m gonna type something where you’re gonna think I’m joking, but I’m not: That Subway jingle about “5-dollar foot-long” has an interesting chord change in it.

10:29 PM How are we feeling about this Matt Damon Iraq movie? Are we excited? Wary?

10:27 PM “Keeping things fun also keeps the mind of the pressure” … remember that, guys … OH I GET IT: Canada has never won the figure-skating gold, and this kid is their big chance … oh man, if he wins Gold? Canada will go buck-wild … (if it’s possible for Canada to go buck-wild, that is …) Oh and by the way, Rush sucks …

10:25 PM Oh man, here’s the polar-bear lady again … Nature Channel mode … no, wait: SHe’s talking about 19-yo figure skater from Canada … his name? Patrick Chan. / Chen? Not sure … he’s got some old-timey coach named Osborne Colson (sp) … “lower, lower, faster, quicker” (that’s what the coach is saying on the tape) … wait, now the coach is dead … but his lessons continue BEYOND THE GRAVE … not sure what I think about this kid … Whoa, he’s doing some cutting-edge training, though … that was some funky PIlates they just showed …

10:24 PM Argghh “Migraine” Freeman is back … thought we wouldn’t be hearing from him tonight …

10:22 PM “What kind of medal do you win at the Winter Olympics?” “A COLD medal.” (Free joke from your liveblogger)

10:19 PM Women’s snowcrossboard for the gold … Swiss lady in the lead … damn she’s smokin’ … big jump, big jump …. wait who’s in the lead? CRASH CRASH ALERT … Canadian in the lead … for the gold … one last jump … crowd going BUCK … Canada’s first gold in snowboardcross!!!!

10:18 PM Hey, here’s an interesting commercial from America’s oil and natural gas industry … seems the future of energy lies in fossil fuels … good to know!

10:16 PM Cute commercial from Turbo Tax. <-----------GOD I LOVE WRITING SHIT LIKE THAT 10:14 PM Hmm, a commercial break .. .that’s unusual…

10:13 PM Okay, here comes the score for Oda aka SHarkboy aka “SOn of the warlord” … my prediction: 83.00 — he got 84.85! Temporarily in third place …

10:09 PM Wow, so much drama from Oda! I thought he did good … “Skated as well as he can …” “Doesn’t have the size and impact …” But remember this is just the short program … the long program is a whole different program …

10:08 PM Do you think ice-skating music would be good to make love to? Hmm.

10:07 PM He’s dominating right now … he’s wearing gloves, which looks really cool, donchaknow … now THAT was a funky-ass spin … what was that? OH HELL YEAH! “ROCK ME LIKE A HURRICANE!!!” Oh shit, false alarm … thought he was about to dance to the Scorpions …

10:05 PM Next up, Nobunari Oda … looking fierce … he reminds me of a shark … goddamn he’s a descendant of a Japanese warlord … that’s what they just said … okay, show us what you got … KILLED the triple axle … damn this kid can jump … he is a truly a warlord — “of the ice” … he’s got a full-on ice kingdom going right now

10:03 PM We’re waiting on the judge’s scores for “Spinderella.” Time for some commercials: This one is about a pharmaceutical, I guarantee it–whoa actually it’s for Diet Coke supporting breast cancer or something … OKAY now we’re waiting Stephane Lambiel’s scores … man he looks really happy and relaxed … I would like to be friends with him … judges say — 84.63. Oof. He doesn’t look happy … but it’s a personal best and he’s in third place …

10:02 PM Nice spin-move! Weird yet pretty. Here comes the footwork sequence … “insane,” per the announcer (Scott Hamilton?) … it’s the Lone Ranger music! Oh shit, cowboy time up in here! He’s dancing and prancing … “considered the best spinner in this competition …” true, he’s spinning like a “meh-feh.” Still spinning … spinning … even more spinning … OH SHIT HE JUST SPUN THE SHIT OUT OF THAT SPIN

10:00 PM Gave up 4.7 base points b/c he didn’t do a triple axel … he goofed the quad-toe, just lost more points … he looks good though … he’s dancing on the ice … WHOA THAT WAS a funky move …

9:59 PM Okay, time for another figure-skater … A Swiss guy … the flag-bearer of the Swiss Olympic team … wearing kind of a steam-punk outfit … this must be the BoingBoing Olympics … his name is Lambiel … okay here we go “His costume looks overpowering … burdensome …”

9:58 PM Again with the Canadians trying to trick me into visiting Canada …

9:55 PM Documentary about famous snowboarder Shawn White … he built his own private half-pipe on the side of a mountain so he can practice in secret … ARGGHH the class-warrior in me must root against him…

9:52 PM Commentator on snowboarders: “It’s not enough to be good. You gotta be cool, too.” Words to live by.

9:50 PM Awaiting the scores for Takahashi (the emo guy who just killed it) … here we go … some kind of delay … OH shit, 90.25!!! “It’s on!” We got an ice-skating contest on our hands!!!

9:48 PM HELL yes! “Welcome back! WOw! Thta was done with such personality …” The other commentator: “That was HOT!” No argument here, we’re knee-deep in the hoopla right about now …

9:47 PM This Japanese emo kid is CRUSHING … THE OLYMPICS ARE BACK!!!

9:45 PM OH FUCK YEAH WE AT THE OLYMPICS NOW, BABY “Beautiful triple axle” hell yeah, analyze these jumps!

9:44 PM Ice skating rules. WHen you see some dude skating around wearing a freaky sparkling outfit, you’re like “It’s Olympics time.”

9:43 PM OKAY, HERE WE GO Men’s figure skating. THis Japanese skater has emo hair!!! Is this the first emo-hair-olympics? EMOLYMPICS …

9:42 PM Here’s what’s going on in my house: Last night’s leftover popcorn with smushed up tortilla chips and lime and hot sauce … INTO THE UNKNOWN …

9:37 PM Man I need to drink a beer about this.

9:37 PM Whoa whoa whoa Bob Costas– no pocket square??? WTF WORST NIGHT OF OLYMPICS EVER … dontchanow …

9:36 PM I’m kinda bummed for Jacobellus … those post-race interviews will be brutal … “What went wrong for Lindsay Jacobellus…” replay now … she landed wrong or something … over-corrected … dude she’s BUMMED … her dad is bummed … “no chance to silence the critics and fans alike …”

9:33 PM Guess what? Jacobellus just completely flamed out!!! WHOA she went off the course … “I”m still in shock” … she’s gotta be hating life right now … this was her chance to avenge herself … OMG she’s bummin’ …

9:31 PM Actually I’m kinda feeling the blue lines on the snow on the snowboardcross track … reminds me of TRON … did any of you guys see that movie, it was great … that was one of my favorite video games, too … that joystick was glowing and see-through like a “muh-fuh.” Some lady just won another snowcrossboard race contest, btw …

9:30 PM More snowboard-cross racing … I wish I had that special kind of satellite dish where you can watch every single thing at the Olympics, I would be all over some ice-dancing right now…

9:27 PM If any of my readers are at the Olympics right now reading these posts on their RSS feed, could they please go to the snowboarding track and hold up a sign that says “http://www.mnftiu.cc rules” when the camera sweeps by? Thanks …

9:26 PM This commercial has a gorilla in a car talking about annuities or some such shit I can’t even understand …

9:25 PM A show where marriages in crisis are analyzed by Jerry Seinfeld??? “What will they think of next?”

9:23 PM “Play smart, play fast …” snowboard koan from the announcer … Jacobellus is burnin’ … the snow is all like “Swoosh, swoosh,” here we go, huge jump … last turn … she won the race! Advances to the next round …

9:22 PM Her outfit is psychedlic … very “BOb-COstas pocket-square” … riders ready … GO!!! … they’re off … Jacobellus in the lead … somebody fell …

9:21 PM Oh shit this is important! The woman who screwed up last time doing a triple hangie-louie (or whatever) is back for the gold!!!! Her name is Lindsey Jacobellus … expect hardcore liveblogging … NOW…

9:20 PM Cool, the guy in the GEICO commercial looks like me! (Liveblogging at its finest … get pumped …)

9:18 PM Just FYI, we’re resetting the soul-patch count for tonight’s liveblog. Current tally: 0 (Women’s snowboarding, dontchaknow…) (Is that how you spell dontchaknow? Dontyaknow? Huh? I’m gonna crack that nut, figure out how to spell it, and then use it all night …)

9:17 PM BestBuy makes computers???

9:16 PM Seriously, with the snowboard cross, guys? With these blue lines spraypainted all over the snow? The crowd hooting and hollering like savages? Why can’t the Olympics just be figure skating? I don’t like events that look like Xbox commercials. “Editorial content provided by your blogger …”

9:14 PM Whoa, Gabrielle Union is really pretty! Now I’m watching all these Canadian celebrities try to convince me to visit British Culumbia (sp) whatever that is … some kind of island colony or something …

9:12 PM By the way, tonight I’ve traded wine for stout. Expect a darker, more brooding intensity to my blog posts …

9:11 PM WHAT’D I MISS??? SOME SNOW???

9:08 PM Okay, gimme a minute to go grab my bowl of rice and beans.

9:07 PM WTF, another Omega watches ad? … “Some say time is an illusion …” I think we’re in for a night of some deep-ass metaphysical ads about wristwatches …

9:05 PM Cool ad from Omega watches … understated, elegant … just like my blog …

9:03 PM Damn, one of these ladies is wearing a total motorcycle helmet! It looks bad-ass! Why don’t figure skaters wear motorcycle helmets, they certainly crash enough … Am I right or what people … we’re doing this … liveblogging …

9:02 PM: Let’s do this. More snowboarding tonight … looks like women this time … goddamn snowboard cross AGAIN???

I’ll be live-blogging the Olympics again tonight (unless they’re already over). Things pop off starting around 9:00 PM EST…

BREAKING NEWS … someone please donate some PayPal money so I can go buy a bottle of wine for tonight’s wine-blogging. You will get a full shout-out during the blogging …

Thanks!

Reader RS chimes in from the great wintry wilds of Brazil:

cheers from sao paulo, brasil!

loving the live-blogging of vancouver games, plz keep it up. i’m watching here (there are five brasilians in these olympics) and thankfully there are few commercials . . . but sadly no bob costas, and therefore, no pocket square…your description has me googling an image to satisfy this curiousity…it must be good, i feel it.

Umm, yeah, you could say that! By the end of the night, I was laughing out loud (or, “LOL”ing) every time they cut back to Bob Costas and his pocket square.