11:35 PM Damn sorry I’m not liveblogging for shit … I’m still on the phone … wish I could liveblog this conversation, it’s good! ANyway, a bunch of dudes have been ice-skating ..
11:14 PM Skeletor’s got some moves … Castle Grayskull must have a good training regimen …
11:12 PM SKELETOR IN THE HOUSE
11:06 PM Now I’m supposed to get excited for some Doogie-Howser-lookin’ motherfucker? After my boy Johnny Weir? DOUBTFUL.
11:05 PM Consider this blogger SEDUCED by Johnny Weir … the kid is HOT … goddamn if I was “that way” I’d be all up in his biz-dee-ness…
11:01 PM Weir’s looking good … his costume is very Gaga-like … not sure what he’s skating to– I muted the music in deference to my friend on the phone … HELLO, LOOK AT THOSE EYES!!! THIS KID HAS STAR-POWER …
11:00 PM Oh snap my friend i”m on the phone with just told me this is JOhnny Weir, and he has a shrine to Lady Gaga in the Olympic village!
10:59 PM Lady Gaga taking the ice …
10:56 PM Damn he looks weird. Does he have amblyopia? (I worked for an eye doctor, I know these things.)
10:55 PM Here we go: That Canadian kid I told you about … Patrick Chan … Canada’s gold-medal hope … crowd is pumped … violin music coming on strong … here come the jmps … goofed on the triple axle… next two jumps look okay … now he’s running around like a madman on the ice … spinning … arms flailing around … looks like he’s being chased by an ex-lover’s ghost … emotions, passion …
10:49 PM My friend called me to tell me to get off the phone with my other friend and get back to live-blogging .. now I know why … Olympics gettin’ MAD COUNTRY & WESTERN …
10:48 PM Just hung up on my friend — this ice-skater is representing in OVERALLS … fucking A! Harmonica music??? Goddamn, the Olympics rocuel
10:43 PM Taking a quick break … received a phone call … must talk on the phone to my interlocutor …
10:42 PM We need a big jump from this kid … where are the jumps, dude? OH SHIT SPIN ALERT … goddamn he was spinning like a “moh-feh.” “All three members of the Japanese team just threw it down …” One thing I love about this routine? ONE SONG. None of this medley bullshit …
10:41 PM I am feeling this kid. I just wish we could hear Hendrix singing the song, not this instrumental version, but whatevs… I always liked this song … by the way, is it just me, or was Jimi Hendrix an awesome guitar player?
10:40 PM AXIS BOLD AS LOVE FTW
10:39 PM Takahiko Kozuka on the ice … LOL, looking pretty old … NOT, he’s like 11 years old … OH FUCK YEAH MALE ORGASM ALERT– JIMI HENDRIX SONG …
10:39 PM JOubert got a 68.00 … guys, that’s bad … he’s out of the running, even I know that.
10:37 PM Liveblog Editorial Comment: I really, really wish Cyndi Lauper wasn’t appearing on Celebrity Apprentice.
10:36 PM Joubert is NOT HAPPY … “it fell apart” … “disastrous short program” … “painful to watch” … goddamn, these commentators are brutal!
10:33 PM Next skater: Brian Joubert … gack, they’re talking about how one of his skates punctured his ankle or something? “Almost to the bone …” Say what? If that happened to me you wouldn’t find me within 4 miles of an ice-skate … I’m not trying to put deadly weapons on my feet … cool music! What is this? It sounds nice … oof, he biffed the quarduple toe jump … now he’s gotta do the triple lutz (the one that almost murdered his foot) … oh shit the music is getting techno … we’re bangin’ now … OUCH BIG FALL … buzz kill … God now I”m crushingly depressed …
10:29 PM I’m gonna type something where you’re gonna think I’m joking, but I’m not: That Subway jingle about “5-dollar foot-long” has an interesting chord change in it.
10:29 PM How are we feeling about this Matt Damon Iraq movie? Are we excited? Wary?
10:27 PM “Keeping things fun also keeps the mind of the pressure” … remember that, guys … OH I GET IT: Canada has never won the figure-skating gold, and this kid is their big chance … oh man, if he wins Gold? Canada will go buck-wild … (if it’s possible for Canada to go buck-wild, that is …) Oh and by the way, Rush sucks …
10:25 PM Oh man, here’s the polar-bear lady again … Nature Channel mode … no, wait: SHe’s talking about 19-yo figure skater from Canada … his name? Patrick Chan. / Chen? Not sure … he’s got some old-timey coach named Osborne Colson (sp) … “lower, lower, faster, quicker” (that’s what the coach is saying on the tape) … wait, now the coach is dead … but his lessons continue BEYOND THE GRAVE … not sure what I think about this kid … Whoa, he’s doing some cutting-edge training, though … that was some funky PIlates they just showed …
10:24 PM Argghh “Migraine” Freeman is back … thought we wouldn’t be hearing from him tonight …
10:22 PM “What kind of medal do you win at the Winter Olympics?” “A COLD medal.” (Free joke from your liveblogger)
10:19 PM Women’s snowcrossboard for the gold … Swiss lady in the lead … damn she’s smokin’ … big jump, big jump …. wait who’s in the lead? CRASH CRASH ALERT … Canadian in the lead … for the gold … one last jump … crowd going BUCK … Canada’s first gold in snowboardcross!!!!
10:18 PM Hey, here’s an interesting commercial from America’s oil and natural gas industry … seems the future of energy lies in fossil fuels … good to know!
10:16 PM Cute commercial from Turbo Tax. <-----------GOD I LOVE WRITING SHIT LIKE THAT 10:14 PM Hmm, a commercial break .. .that’s unusual…
10:13 PM Okay, here comes the score for Oda aka SHarkboy aka “SOn of the warlord” … my prediction: 83.00 — he got 84.85! Temporarily in third place …
10:09 PM Wow, so much drama from Oda! I thought he did good … “Skated as well as he can …” “Doesn’t have the size and impact …” But remember this is just the short program … the long program is a whole different program …
10:08 PM Do you think ice-skating music would be good to make love to? Hmm.
10:07 PM He’s dominating right now … he’s wearing gloves, which looks really cool, donchaknow … now THAT was a funky-ass spin … what was that? OH HELL YEAH! “ROCK ME LIKE A HURRICANE!!!” Oh shit, false alarm … thought he was about to dance to the Scorpions …
10:05 PM Next up, Nobunari Oda … looking fierce … he reminds me of a shark … goddamn he’s a descendant of a Japanese warlord … that’s what they just said … okay, show us what you got … KILLED the triple axle … damn this kid can jump … he is a truly a warlord — “of the ice” … he’s got a full-on ice kingdom going right now
10:03 PM We’re waiting on the judge’s scores for “Spinderella.” Time for some commercials: This one is about a pharmaceutical, I guarantee it–whoa actually it’s for Diet Coke supporting breast cancer or something … OKAY now we’re waiting Stephane Lambiel’s scores … man he looks really happy and relaxed … I would like to be friends with him … judges say — 84.63. Oof. He doesn’t look happy … but it’s a personal best and he’s in third place …