Baddest Motherfucker On The Planet Alert … Code Red … Turtle Edition …
Turtle = 1, Haters = 0.
By the way, does he remind you of anyone?
FRIDAY FACE-OFFS WE’RE LIKE THE ST. FRANCIS OF ASSISI OF THE INTERNET
————————
Honorable 3rd Place Mention:
Drummer is burning.
FRIDAY FACE-OFFS! Two videos left …
This performance is hypnotic. I think ol’ Jandek Jr. here is on to something. Also? It’s visually beautiful. It has a muted palette, like all webcam videos, but somehow the colors are perfect. How did that happen? Same with the composition: Big white head balanced by big dreadnought body.
This is what all modern art should look like.
Every so often you stumble on one of these home-made youtube videos where everything falls into place, and you’re like, “This works. This is so completely its own thing, so elegant … who cares if it’s accidental? You could put this up against anything by Bill Viola and it’d hold its own.”
This is a champion video, y’all! WATCH THIS!
Friday Face-Offs!
FRIDAY FACE-OFFS!!!!!+!+!+!+!+!+!+!
Are you in a bad mood? Watch this.
Sigh. See, this takes me back. For us, it was a cassette of the Cult’s “Electric” album. Remember cranking “Aphrodisiac Jacket”* and trying to rip the head rest off the passenger seat because it sounded so jamming in a lime-green Ford Escort??? Yeah. WE BRUNG IT. That’s some 1990 memories right there for all you whippersnappers …
Anyway, glad these dudes are keeping the flame alive … the flame of intra-automobile group headbanging, one of the greatest dance forms ever, when will Joan Acocella write about it?
*(aka “World’s Biggest Rip-Off of ‘White Room’ Ever Recorded How Did Rick Rubin Not Get The Pants Sued Off Him?”)
The power chord heard ’round the world. It makes me LOL every time.
No shame in your game, fellas. I’M FEELING YOU. GUITARS RULE
Louder louder
always louder
musical keys are for punks
a chord is a chord is a chord
just crank it up
and have fun
I love how in the comments to this video, people are like, “Dude you’re in the wrong key — you’re totally playing in the wrong key, it sounds weird,” and the guitarist is like, “Yeah, I thought it sounded weird, I think it was the guitar; the tuners didn’t work. So I bought a new guitar.”
DUDE. I LOVE YOU BUT IT’S NOT THE GUITAR. TRUST ME.
“What are ya gonna do.”
That’s the poignancy and acoustic chaos you’ve come to expect from FRIDAY FACE-OFFS!!!
Hello! It’s me, Friday Face-Offs! Do you like the Killers? Do you like the professional wrestler Shawn Michaels, aka the Heartbreak Kid, aka HBK? Do you like amateur fan videos that are fifty times more kick-ass than anything you’d ever see on ESPN? If so, you’re about to be pretttttty sad …
Goddamn, whoever made this video must be like a tenured professor in Shawn Michaels studies, because every single lyric of the song is represented by a totally appropriate clip from the career of Shawn Michaels, aka Heartbreak Kid aka HBK. While watching this video it slowly it dawned on me: This is making me want to have sex with Shawn Michaels. This video is turning me gay for Shawn Michaels. I LOVE SHAWN MICHAELS, AKA HEARTBREAK KID, AKA YOU MIGHT KNOW HIM AS AKA HBK!
B/c damn is he owning the universe very hard at 1:09??? I saw that and I was like, “Wait — humans get to make faces like that?!? I thought only immortal gods in the sky got to make faces like that.”
I used to only like the Undertaker, but forget that. I’m in HBK’s crew now.
“HBK we’re makin’ that green / people always say what the hell does that mean? / H for the homies who can’t understand / how one country boy became the man / B for the way we bust and shout / one by one we knock y’all out / K for the way my dj’s cuttin’ / other wrestlers man you ain’t seen nothin'”
(Whoever gets that reference gets a bonus shout-out next week)
From the comments to this video:
“This is simply epic, such a great tribute. It really got to touch me.”
FRIDAY FACE-OFFS! IT REALLY GOT TO TOUCH ME
Oh hellll yeah … we’re setting it OFF in STYLE right about NOW.
First of all, flicking the string above the nut to approximate the piano that begins the Killers’ version is bad-ass. And he knows it, too. Because look at how he looks at you while he’s doing it.
“Yeah, I’m going plink-plink with my guitar. You know you want me.”
Now although this guy gets +100 points for style, we gotta deduct .05 points every time he screws up the singing … so let’s see … that means the total deduction is … (using my calculator, gimme a sec) … 3,502 points. (There’s a lot of weird prosody/phrasing in this song … I can’t tell you how many videos I watched where people flub the phrasing of ‘I’m so much older now than I can take.’ I had to practice a lot before karaoke. )
Then again, we have to add +5,000,000,000 points for 2:03 – 2:19 where he’s just owning that barred G-chord like nobody’s business.
You know what? Just watch the whole video. You’ll like it.
FRIDAY FACE-OFFS
“You’ve tried the rest — now try the best!” It’s time for another installment of …
***FRIDAY FACE-OFFS!***
It’s been too long since we celebrated the end of the work week by watching a bunch of people performing versions of the same song. In other words, it’s been too long we since did …
It’s March Madness, ie basketball tournament time. Say, guys, why can’t there be a youtube-videos-of-people-singing-a-fun-song tournament? There can be! It’s called …
I guess what I’m trying to say is …
And also, one thing I wanted to mention was:
This week’s Friday Face-Off is “All These Things That I’ve Done” by the Killers. Watch the original here:
MNFTIU-heads will recall that I’ve liked this song for a while. A few weeks ago I sang it at karaoke. It’s a good karaoke song! Now it’s time to see if it’s a good Friday Face-Offs song … we’ll find out soon … because guess what …
Our first contestant is up next!
Friday Face-Offs!!!
(This makes you happy and it makes me happy and that’s why we do it.)
I’m relaunching Friday Face-Offs tomorrow. Get hyped!
To celebrate, here’s some freestyle computer-typing Friday Face-Offs art:
/////////FRIDAY/////////////
///////////FACE/////////////
///////////////OFFS////////
////////Happy Music///////
P+A+R+T+Y=FRIDAY!!!!!
////////////////////////////////////blades of grass/////////
//////////waving in breeze/////////////of music//////////
/////time to mow the grass//////////////////////////////
////find the BEST VIDEOS ========of the HOTTEST SONGS
FRi
day
face
offs……………….>>>>>>>>>>> 🙂
I have a new man-crush! This guy is my new hero …
Dr Grigori Perelman, a reclusive Russian genius, is refusing to accept the prestigious $1 million “Millennium” mathematics prize awarded by the Clay Mathematics Institute in Cambridge, MA.
Perelman was awarded the prize for solving the one-hundred-year-old Poincaré conjecture, one of the most complicated mathematical problems in the world ….
The 44-year-old Perelman currently resides with his mother and sister in his hometown of St. Petersberg, living extremely humbly. One neighbor told a Moscow newspaper, “He always wears the same tatty coat and trousers. He never cuts his nails or beard. When he walks he simply stares at the ground, rather than looking from side to side.”
Another neighbor told of a time she had visited Perelman’s apartment due to problems with cockroaches ….
After performing some teaching in American universities in 2003, Perelman has apparently given up on mathematics, dismayed at the intellectual and moral failings of his peers. Instead, according to reports, he likes to play table tennis against a wall in his apartment. “You are disturbing me. I am picking mushrooms,” he told a journalist who managed to get in touch with him.
C’mon: Is this for real? It reads like a “Balloon Boy” hoax for nerds. This guy combines the best features of Immanuel Kant (everyone in town recognizes him walking around like a freak), Ludwig Wittgenstein (“Even though I’m a super-genius I’m quitting academia because it’s just a bunch of sellouts”), Rain Man (“1001010100001, I’m a human computer y’all”), and the Unabomber (“Watch me play ping-pong by myself”). It seems too glorious and crazy to be true.
Also, look at that photo. When I first saw it, I thought, “This must be an article about the latest advances in prosthetic eyebrows.” Instead you’re telling me that’s a real guy, who really looks like that? It seems suspiciously perfect — the Platonic ideal of what you imagine a reclusive-Russian-mathematician-who-turns-down-million-dollar-checks would look like.
I hope and pray that this is all a stunt perpetuated by someone who wants a reality show because that would be a great reality show! I hope it’s called “Long Russian Fingernails.”
“You are disturbing me. I am picking mushrooms.” That’s my new catch phrase.
I think I’m about to sell a bottle of tequila.