EVERYBODY STEP THE FUCK OFF.

This kid wrote an arrangement of “The Suffering” for marching band, but his school is too small to pull it off, so he freakin’ programmed it into MIDI.

I would say the first, oh, ten seconds of this video could be looped and then bumped in a bangin’ system to great effect while you roll down the street. YOU COULD ROB A BANK TO THIS SHIT.

The part where it goes, “Toot-tweeet!” is fuckin’ off the hook.

No joke, this is the first time a MIDI file gave me goosebumps.

FANTASY TIME: What if we could get the bands from last week’s runner-up video to perform this arrangement in full battle mode? Forget about some dumb-ass bank bailout, I’d pay a trillion dollars to see that.

I swear to God this song could knock 99% of all other songs the fuck out. If I was some other song, trying to be all tough, I would not want to meet this song in a dark alley. Because it would roll right over me.

FRIDAY FACE-OFFS! MIDI GOOSEBUMPS, KID!!!

Remember that Martin Scorcese movie that came out a couple years ago called “The Departed?” Remember the best scene: When Leonardo diCaprio’s character recorded a version of “The Suffering” on his webcam?

He does a great job with the “Heys!” They make me excited in the original song, but they make me more excited when this young fellow does ’em. Why? BECAUSE HE FREAKIN’ GOES THERE.

This is the kind of dude who constantly surprises and impresses you, like: “Yeah I made first team all-American, but I skipped the game because there was a Dererk Jarman film festival the same weekend and I didn’t want to miss it.”

Friday Face-Offs!!! MARTIN SCORCESE WISHES HE INVENTED FRIDAY FACE-OFFS!!!

AN OPEN MESSAGE TO ALL THE HATERS ON YOUTUBE WHO ARE HATING ON THIS VIDEO:

FIRST OF ALL, THE SONG IS ACTUALLY KIND OF COMPLICATED AND TRICKY TO PLAY. They should get credit for trying.

SECOND, I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW STEVE BALLMER COULD PLAY THE DRUMS. SO STEP OFF.

Could you imagine trying to play this song at some sort of work function in a cavernous conference room in the middle of the day? These guys are probably following a PowerPoint presentation about the new invoicing software. The official video of “The Suffering” features centaurs and mermaids and all that mythical-creature shit, and you’re gonna bring the ruckus with your crew from Systems Administration? GOOD ON YOU. YOU HAVE MY RESPECT.

When I watch this video, I like trying to figure out which one of the musicians chose “The Suffering” for this lunch-break gig. Who’s most into the song? Bass player? (2:25 makes me think it’s him.) Lead guitarist? DRUMMER????

Also, what do you suppose is in the box in the foreground (2:00-ish)? Maybe the new training manuals for the new invoicing software?

FRIDAY FACE-OFFS!

What a hectic week . . . maybe we should just hang out in the attic with our Roland keyboard and lay down some smooth tracks . . . maybe record a chill version of “The Suffering. . .”

I just pray that at some point in the near future, I’m in a hotel lobby somewhere (maybe on a book tour for my hot new collection of GYWO cartoons which is going to be published soon), enjoying a grown-up beverage, and then I notice the cocktail pianist is playing “The Suffering.”

Seriously, can I ask a question? SERIOUSLY: What if I was hanging out in a fancy hotel lobby and then I realized the cocktail pianist was playing “The Suffering” by Coheed and Cambria? Would I get very excited? Would I start screaming “Friday Face-Offs” very hard? Would I start singing back-up very hard? Would I sing the “Hey! Hey!” chorus with very much RELISH and JOY?

“The Suffering” by Coheed and Cambria is my JAM.

Before I started my research for Friday Face-Offs, I had never heard of “Drum Covers.”

I love the internet!!!!!!!!!!!

From the youtube comments:

haha
dude soooo many cymbals.
awesome

BEST HAIKU EVER!!!

Friday Face-Offs!!! Soooo many cymbals!!!

Honorable Mention:

BONUS Honorable Mention:

By the way, if you want to hear something incredible, play all three videos simultaneously. LOL, what a racket! You lousy kids!

What a week, ladies and gentlemen! Didn’t we have fun, with the banks and the bailouts and whatnot?

And now it’s Friday . . . time to unwind . . . and enjoy:

Friday Face-Offs.

Welcome to the second installment of an internet legend!

This week’s FRIDAY FACE-OFF is: “The Suffering” by Coheed and Cambria. Watch the original version here:

When I first saw this video on “Headbangers Ball,” I was like, “Ho-hum, kind of catchy, nothing special.” Then something happened. Something called 0:39. Then you could say my interest spiked. Then you could say this became my favorite jam of the year. Then you could say it was literally the first song I ever bought on the Apple Music Store. Then you could say I listened to it about fifty times in a row every day.

Also, can I just say? 0:47 – 0:49? When he sings, “The web you spun,” does he pronounce “spun” very tough? “Spahn.” That must be how they pronounced it in mythical times.

LET’S ALL GET OBSESSED WITH “THE SUFFERING” BY COHEED AND CAMBRIA!!!

Check back later this morning for our first contestant. . .

FRIDAY FACE-OFFS! WE DON’T TAKE TIME-OUTS!!!