Apparently interest rates are falling(?). And the international markets are going buck-wild in the club(?).

I’ll look into the situation and give you a complete analysis as soon as I finish eating my nine-course breakfast.

PS: Because I know you’ll ask:

1. Orange Juice with strawberries
2. Oatmeal with fresh black pepper (“Indian Spice Oats”)
3. Steamed egg salad
4. Philly cheesesteak (“Hold the wiz”)
5. Tofu jammers (this is when you eat a block of tofu as quickly as possible)
6. Wheatgrass power smoothie, infused with grass clippings from my lawn
7. Bucket of Grape-Nuts
8. “Screamin’ Toast” (toast made by someone screaming about how much they hate making toast)
9. Seltzer water with Snickers bars melted and stirred into it

Whew, good thing it’s not Friday because this hot l’il jam would CRRRUUUSSSHH on Friday Face-Offs!!!

LOL, McCain seems to LOVE Obama . . . must be hard to wake up in the morning and campaign against someone you have so much respect for . . . “Cindy, how can I bear to spend another day criticizing the man I have so much affection for? My colleague in the Senate who I like so much, I even gave him a nickname: THAT ONE?“

Go read that Dana Milbank article I just linked to (I know, you’d rather throw hot soup in your eyes, but just DO IT).

What’s up with this?

Palin then went on to blame Katie Couric’s questions for her “less-than-successful interview with kinda mainstream media.” At that, Palin supporters turned on reporters in the press area, waving thunder sticks and shouting abuse. Others hurled obscenities at a camera crew. One Palin supporter shouted a racial epithet at an African American sound man for a network and told him, “Sit down, boy.”

Are you kidding me?

Umm . . . in the immortal words of Sinbad:

I got angry. I actually got angry! I said, ‘I will be for Obama like never before.”

UPDATE: Turns out the epithet was the classic “UPPITY NEGRO.”

He’s like Maureen Dowd with hairy legs.

“Unleashed, Palin Makes a Pit Bull Look Tame.”

That’s the title of his stupid article about this stupid, small-minded woman. She’ll probably wear it as a badge of pride:

“Look at what this Washington, D.C. journalist said about me . . . said I make a pit bull look tame! (Crowd cheers) Now, the journalist probably meant that as in insult — (Crowd boos) — but where I come from, that’s a compliment! (Crowd cheers like a hoard of witless idiots)”

And then she’ll launch into more stupid shit about barracudas and hockey sticks and lipstick and grizzly bears or whatever dumb-turd, Alaskan-ized, fake-ass folksy drivel she scribbled in the margins of her Algebra textbook thirty years ago.

And Dana Milbank will go to some cocktail party in D.C. and be like, “Hey did you see Palin hold up a copy of my article? That was pretty cool. She’s so much fun to write about!”

Too many faces, not enough pies.

MUST CREDIT; FLASHING SIRENS; LOUD SIRENS EVERYWHERE . . .

Another exclusive “glamour shot” of the new GYWO book! Here we get a peak at the Introduction, which was written by Rolling Stone’s Matt Taibbi. LOL, you might mistake it for some long-lost Toby Keith lyrics . . . Believe me, you’ll probably get confused and think you’re reading Sarah Palin’s diary, where she writes about all her sparkling, star-bursty feelings of love for this great nation called America, LOL.

Won’t you help us take back America by purchasing fifty copies by midnight tonight?

A longtime mnftiu.cc reader chimes in:

FFO (Friday Face-Offs – ed.) rocked like crazy on Friday. I’ve been telling lots of ppl about it, but its no small task to get them to invest like 2 hrs watching all of it… and not just 2 hrs of casual watching b/c you have to frickn concentrate like crazy or you’ll miss something. that said ,even if i can get someone to spend like 20 minutes watching FFO, they are loving it. no worries b/c soon everyone will be watching 2 hrs of FFO b/c no one will have jobs… so that’s good… pls keep it up, and never make it shorter.

My promise: FFO will NEVER BE SHORTER!!! It will ONLY be longer!!!

Apparently people are talking about this article.

Just sent an announcement to my mailing list about the new book . . . urged all my subscribers to buy fifty copies . . . let’s make history . . . if everyone buys fifty copies of my new book, we’ll beat DIANETICS into submission and I can start my own religion . . .

A reader responded:

Taibbi and Rees, that’s like Talib Kweli and Mos Def, you can’t sleep on it!

Gol-durned right you can’t sleep on it! My book has an introduction written by MATT TAIBBI, the one journalist who makes me look like William F. Buckley, Jr.

Won’t you help this campaign by making a donation of buying fifty copies of my book?

Zulkey.com is one of the hottest blogs around. I am the hottest new blogger on the scene. Match made in heaven? You bet! Zulkey.com interviewed me about my thoughts and feelings, my hopes and aspirations . . . all that stuff.

Which parts of the campaign is giving you the most fodder these days?

I guess I get fodder from McCain and what an idiot he is and yet people still think he’s a maverick even though basically he’s an idiot. That’s good fodder because of the fact that he’s such an idiot.

What are some of your methods of going out and getting ideas for the strip or blog when they’re not coming to you?

LOL, I love that you wrote “going out and getting ideas,” like I ever leave my house, or am ever NOT just stationed in front of my computer hitting refresh on talkingpointsmemo.com. If I don’t have an idea for a cartoon, I just hit refresh harder and harder, faster and faster, with more and more ferocity, until something happens . . . like John McCain losing his mind and nominating some dumb lady from Alaska to be his VP.

Read the whole interview here.

Thank you, Zulkey.com!

DISCLAIMER: Although I like zulkey.com, my blog will destroy it along with all other blogs.

Joe Liberman and Sarah Palin are in Florida together! INSPIRATION STARTS NOW:

“She’s so strong, she’s so capable, she’s so competent,” Lieberman told the cheering crowd. Emphasizing her “faith,” he added that she is someone who “with your help — and God’s help — will be the next vice president of the United States.” More big cheers.

The religiousity continued when Palin bounded onstage. She commented right away on the number of American flags in the crowd, declaring: “God bless America–you guys get it!“

“You guys get it!” What a nice lady. (Read the whole account here.)