Hey guys, I’ve gotten some concerned emails about the RELATIONSHAPES link, which is broken.

No worries, RELATIONSHAPES is safe! We’ll fix the link soon . . .

In the meantime, enjoy some of these classic episodes:

One of the first RELATIONSHAPES ever made!

I think this is one of the most expensive frames I ever bought for RELATIONSHAPES!

Holy Toledo! There are so many cartoons!

Philadelphia is one of the hottest cities in the USA . . . so it’s no surprise I’m headed there on Friday for a $150,000 shopping spree . . . I’m hitting all the hottest clothing boutiques, including PHILADELPHIA GENTLEMEN’S HABERDASHERY & FASHION STY and WILLY’S TUXEDO MATRIX.

Also, on Friday I’m doing an event with this guy John Hodgman (can’t wait to see what he’s all about, early exit polls looks promising) and Patrick Borelli — who is one of the funniest dudes in all of Real America.

First we do the reading, then we sign books (50 copies per customer, you know what’s right), and then we have a dance party with a real DJ. And also I think we’re going to have an auction to raise money for one of the two presidential candidates; LOL, guess which one, LOL it’s an East Coast literary festival, so you know we’re raising money for Mr. Straight Talk Express!

Anyway, I think this will be a five-alarm banger, you should definitely attend!

October 24, 2008
9:00 pm
215 Festival
THE LATVIAN SOCIETY
531 N. 7th Street
Philadelphia, PA 19123
(215) 922-9798
Admission: $10

Yes, this will be a fun event!

David Rees (that’s me) and Matt Taibbi (famous journalist who always brings the LOL’s) will be goofing off and signing books on Sunday, October 26!

Bowery Poetry Club
308 Bowery Street
(Between Houston and Bleecker)
212-614-0505
8:00 PM
THIS EVENT COSTS $8

Yes, yes, I am a fiend for hats. I usually wear PAUL SMITH RUMPLED SPIRIT FEDORAS ($850), though I have been known to sport the infamous PRADA ULTRA-SOMBRERO WITH WI-FI BRIM ($2,100).

If I had $150K, I’d probably invest in some of the newer models like TONY HAWK’S SKATEBOARD CAP WITH BUILT-IN SKATEBOARD HELMET ATTACHED TO THE CAP ($900).

Readers are flooding my inbox asking if I’d spend any of my $150,000 fashion budget on high-end toe separators, those things you stick in between your toes to give your foot more definition when you’re wearing thin, slinky socks.

Answer: YES. Put me down for $550 worth of PAUL MITCHELL HAIR SALON TOE SEPARATORS.

SHIRTS: I prefer the classic, British-style dress shirt. Five buttons on each cuff, two cuffs per sleeve. Side vents below each armpit stitch, herringbone stitch included on the outside seams. Thread count of 1,250 per parts per million using the finest twines and strings. Twenty seams per thread. Color? Lavender, beige, and smuffle (if you don’t know about this color, don’t worry — it’s only available for the most exclusive fashion people, like me). My preferred brand is JOSPEH FERRAGAMO STUDIO FOR MEN A LA ITALIA PRIMO VERIZIONE, which is sold at Louis Vuitton boutiques and the post office. $2,000 per shirt? Put me down for ten shirts and call me in the morning.

Everybody’s in a tizzy about the McCain camaign (or the RNC or whoever) spending $150,000 on clothes for Sarah Palin.

Girlfriend, if you think that’s a lot of money to spend on clothes, you never met David Rees, the hottest new blogger on the scene.

I could burn through 150K in about, oh, two hours at Saks. Or Neiman Marcus. Or Gucci. Or even Fendi for Men. Not to mention Ferragamo and Bendel(?) and Brooks Brothers Extreme Luxury Label.

Here’s how I’d do it:

SHOES: Gotta have good shoes. Ladies always check out the footwear, so you can just bet I’d be stepping out in some KENNETH COLE ALLIGATOR-TRIM SANDALS WITH EXTRA TOE OPENINGS. These things are so fly! ($1,000 / pair; I’d probably buy ten pairs in all different colors to I could mix and match.)

SOCKS: Socks are the original foot covering, sometimes even more important than shoes. For this reason, I would spare no expense: NEIMAN MARCUS LIMITED EDITION KNEE-HIGH SATIN SOCKS WITH REAL GOLD THREAD MADE OUT OF PURE GOLD. Everyone I know in the fashion world is raving about these fucking socks. I’d buy, like, five pairs at $250 / pair!

KNEE INSERTS: Most slobs don’t know about knee inserts, but these are little pads you wear on your knees so they don’t get chafed by your trouser legs. If I had $150K, I’d probably indulge in a pair of JEROME GUCCI, JR. PLATINUM LINE KNEE INSERTS WITH PASHIMINA-INFUSED THREAD STITCHING AT A THREAD COUNT OF 2,000 THREADS PER SQUARE FOOT. These are basically the Cadillac of knee inserts. I would definitely be rocking them! (I might even wear them outside my pants legs, just to make all the other politicians green with envy at how awesome and protected my knees are!)

TROUSERS: The true mark of a gentleman is whether his trousers make you want to faint because they are so beautiful. For me, there’s only one trouser worth the name “trouser,” and that is TOMMY BAHAMAS ANNIVERSARY EDITION SUPER-STRETCHY-YET-CLASSY HUNTSMAN TROUSER, a.k.a. “BIG RUFUS THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ SUPER-PANTS.” Have you seen these yet? Probably not, because you weren’t at the Milan fashion show like I was, hanging out with Kanye West and Marigold Manson(?) and some other famous person I didn’t recognize because I was even more famous than they were and they were too busy trying to talk to me and I was like, “Bro, you need to back up because I’m trying to investigate these trousers!” I would buy maybe twenty pairs of trousers at $3,000 a pop. “You can never have too many pairs of trousers,” that’s one of my mottos (along with “I’ll buy anything once”).

MORE SOON . . .