Everybody’s in a tizzy about the McCain camaign (or the RNC or whoever) spending $150,000 on clothes for Sarah Palin.
Girlfriend, if you think that’s a lot of money to spend on clothes, you never met David Rees, the hottest new blogger on the scene.
I could burn through 150K in about, oh, two hours at Saks. Or Neiman Marcus. Or Gucci. Or even Fendi for Men. Not to mention Ferragamo and Bendel(?) and Brooks Brothers Extreme Luxury Label.
Here’s how I’d do it:
SHOES: Gotta have good shoes. Ladies always check out the footwear, so you can just bet I’d be stepping out in some KENNETH COLE ALLIGATOR-TRIM SANDALS WITH EXTRA TOE OPENINGS. These things are so fly! ($1,000 / pair; I’d probably buy ten pairs in all different colors to I could mix and match.)
SOCKS: Socks are the original foot covering, sometimes even more important than shoes. For this reason, I would spare no expense: NEIMAN MARCUS LIMITED EDITION KNEE-HIGH SATIN SOCKS WITH REAL GOLD THREAD MADE OUT OF PURE GOLD. Everyone I know in the fashion world is raving about these fucking socks. I’d buy, like, five pairs at $250 / pair!
KNEE INSERTS: Most slobs don’t know about knee inserts, but these are little pads you wear on your knees so they don’t get chafed by your trouser legs. If I had $150K, I’d probably indulge in a pair of JEROME GUCCI, JR. PLATINUM LINE KNEE INSERTS WITH PASHIMINA-INFUSED THREAD STITCHING AT A THREAD COUNT OF 2,000 THREADS PER SQUARE FOOT. These are basically the Cadillac of knee inserts. I would definitely be rocking them! (I might even wear them outside my pants legs, just to make all the other politicians green with envy at how awesome and protected my knees are!)
TROUSERS: The true mark of a gentleman is whether his trousers make you want to faint because they are so beautiful. For me, there’s only one trouser worth the name “trouser,” and that is TOMMY BAHAMAS ANNIVERSARY EDITION SUPER-STRETCHY-YET-CLASSY HUNTSMAN TROUSER, a.k.a. “BIG RUFUS THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ SUPER-PANTS.” Have you seen these yet? Probably not, because you weren’t at the Milan fashion show like I was, hanging out with Kanye West and Marigold Manson(?) and some other famous person I didn’t recognize because I was even more famous than they were and they were too busy trying to talk to me and I was like, “Bro, you need to back up because I’m trying to investigate these trousers!” I would buy maybe twenty pairs of trousers at $3,000 a pop. “You can never have too many pairs of trousers,” that’s one of my mottos (along with “I’ll buy anything once”).
MORE SOON . . .