“She moved it from a restaurant to the parking lot outside.”

GLORY!

“You shut the servers down five times.”

GLORY!

“You can solve any problem if you just use values and principles.”

GLORY!

Tears of joy … tears of pain … tears of glory … Tears For Fears, remember them? I had that tape. “Songs From The Big Chair.” That was a good tape. I used to listen to it when I raked the back yard.

An anonymous high roller ultra-donor has requested a proxy animated gif for a friend! WE CAN DO THIS.

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Check out when he analyzes the DIME. Fox News coin semiotics, represent.

Just got off the ol’ fax machine with the hottest Hollywood rumor-faxer … it seems my wildest fantasy has come true: NEW LINE CINEMA is starting production on a feature adaptation of Roberto Bolano’s novel 2666.

2666, which wound up on many critics’ “Best of 2008” lists, is a sprawling novel about people running around Mexico — either attending academic conferences, reporting on boxing matches, or (most often) getting raped and killed and dumped in a ditch.

Book features approx. 1,000 locations; 2,500 speaking parts; and 900,000 tildes.

According to an anonymous New Line exec, adapting the novel for the screen “should be a piece of cake — after all, the book is only like, what? Four thousand pages long? Feh, I’ve read longer novels. No problem.”

MORE EXCITEMENT: The same exec confirmed that the film will be a musical (honoring the late Bolano’s wishes), and will feature melodies from RUSH’s classic rock opera, 2112.

“2666 and 2112, together at last! This thing is gonna blow the doors off the cinemaplex,” said the same exec who keeps giving me all these great quotes. “Just wait until you hear the soundtrack: We’ve got one song called ‘Maquiladora Murder Fiesta’ set to the instrumental ‘YYZ’ — you know, that song from 2112 where (Rush drummer Neil) Peart is banging on the ride cymbal and it sounds like robots with Alzheimer’s disease having orgasms? Forgettaboutit, I can smell the Oscars from here. We’re gonna crush Randy Newman like a [EXPLETIVE] bug.”

Release of “2666/2112” is scheduled for 2012, to coincide with re-release of 2001.

Extensive marketing campaign will feature tagline: “2666/2112/2001 — 2012. Life doesn’t get any better than this.”

Ron Howard is set to direct.

=================
UPDATE: A Rush nerd has informed me that “YYZ” does not appear on 2112; rather, it appears on some other horrible Rush album. I apologize to anyone who mistakenly thought I had the slightest interest.

Amazing industry buzz this morning … just off the cell phone with a major Hollywood insider who confirms what I’ve been hearing for weeks: PIXAR HIT WALL*E IS COMING TO BROADWAY!!!

Animated flick — about a garbage-eating box who falls in love with some kind of flying iPod-thing — is set to follow the Lion King, Shrek, and other mega-hits from the cinemaplex who have found glory on “The Great White Way,” aka Broadway.

This production will be “fully immersive,” according to my source … producers plan to fill the theatre with actual garbage before each performance, and then have “Wall*E” clean the garbage in real time … Sez my source: “People will freak out when they pay $125 for a ticket and then walk into the theatre and see all the trash and old bagels and newspapers and fish and whatnot, but by the end of the show, they’ll be so in love with Wall*E and so grateful that he cleaned up all the trash, they won’t mind that they have contracted a host of airborne diseases” … due to tight economic conditions, expect the role of Wall*E to be played by a Roomba …

Lyrics are being written as we speak … songs include “Look At All This Garbage,” “Take Out The Trash,” “Get Trashed,” and “I Found My Love (In A Pile Of Garbage).”

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the newest high roller who is setting this blog on fire with her generous donation to the laptop fund:

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David Brooks on Obama re-envisioning and -invasioning Afghanistan:

After the trauma in Iraq, it would have been easy for the U.S. to withdraw into exhaustion and realism. Instead, President Obama is doubling down on the very principles that some dismiss as neocon fantasy: the idea that this nation has the capacity to use military and civilian power to promote democracy, nurture civil society and rebuild failed states.

Foreign policy experts can promote one doctrine or another, but this energetic and ambitious response — amid economic crisis and war weariness — says something profound about America’s DNA.

What does that even mean? Seriously, what? Are we gonna sequence our national genome in the autoclave of hot Afghan conflict with an electron microscope sticking out of our X chromosomes? What?

MAJOR BREAKING HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP … MUST CREDIT MNFTIU.CC, THE HOTTEST BLOG …

Just off the ol’ Blackberry with a major Hollywood insider who confirms the latest rumor buzzing around Hollywood:

Funnyman BILLY CRYSTAL will play foreign-policy sage WILLIAM KRISTOL in a one-man show. Rehearsals begin next month in Bristol, UK.

Show, tentatively titled “Clear As Kristol,” will follow Bill Kristol’s amazing career and inspirational personal story. Show is designed to capitalize on the buzz surrounding Kristol’s latest venture, a think thank called “Foreign Policy Initiative” that should definitely be taken seriously by everyone who cares about the future of our country … the think tank’s logo — a lopsided globe that looks like some kid made it in Adobe Illustrator in about 2.5 seconds — will inform the set design of the show, i.e. the set will be crooked and slanted and the audience will have to nail their chairs to the floor before each performance so they don’t all slide down into the lowest corner of the theatre and create a panicked mass of writhing humanity …

As to the tone of the show, one excited insider sez, “Think Mr. Saturday Night meets Project For A New American Century, this will redefine ‘off the hook,’ I can’t wait for this show, both Billy (Crystal) and Willy (Kristol) are national treasures, did you see when Billy got to train with the Yankees, that was the highpoint of Western civilization.”

Sounds good, maybe I’ll book a ticket to Bristol and write a review for the blog?

This won’t end well:

The phrase “war on terror,” for seven years a signature expression of the Bush administration, has been shelved, Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton acknowledged Monday.

Have we surrendered already? Think about it: How can we win the war if it doesn’t have a name? Think on that long and hard. All the best things have names:

1. BEST MOVIE: “Basket Case” (that’s the name of the movie)
2. BEST FOOD: “Nachos” (that’s the name of the food)
3. BEST TEAM: “UNC, The Tar Heels” (that’s the name of the team)
4. BEST RADIO: “Sony Radio” (that’s the name of the radio)

All those things are the best; all those things have names. Cogito Ergo Sum.

Now try this …

1. BEST WAR WE MUST WIN: “—–” (no name!!!)
2. “Ho-hum, I guess we’ll just get killed by the enemy.”

I rest my case.

WAR ON TERROR FOR LIFE!!!