Friday Face-Offs: “Don’t Cry Out Loud” – 2nd Place

1. Best outfit.
2. Best set design. (Glenn Beck, this might work for you also?)
3. Best fan-wavers on the sidelines. (Glenn Beck, this might work for you also?)

FRIDAY FACE-OFFS! Winning video is next!

Glenn Beck just loves his country …

Friday Face-Offs: “Don’t Cry Out Loud” – 4th Place

The intensity of this song is getting too me … I’ve been crying out loud for the past two hours … I just love my country so much … Glenn Beck, call me and we’ll cry together … I’ll put you on speakerphone so I can have my hands free to wipe away the tears I’m crying for my country … Glenn, Glenn, Glenn … fly high and proud … Glenn …

Friday Face-Offs: “Don’t Cry Out Loud” – 6th Place

My friend has been turning me on to stoner doom metal, where the music is all heavy and slow and sludgy and if you listen for too long, you wind up feeling like a manatee. Bands like Om, Sleep, Monster Magnet, all them guys. On vinyl only, of course, for that thick doom-y sound.

Anyway, this band is twenty times heavier than any doom metal band. Are you kidding me about the groove they start at 2:55? Heavy enough for you? Audience screaming very much in agony/ecstasy? And then does anything get SET OFF very hard at 3:00? Drums sounding thick enough for you? Is Sunn0)))) getting very nervous about being out-stoner-doom-rocked?

This recording truly captures how I feel about how Glenn Beck feels about his country.

Friday Face-Offs!

Friday Face-Offs: “Don’t Cry Out Loud” – 7th Place

Little House on the Prairie always made me uncomfortable as a kid. Maybe it was too grown-up for me — all that gingham and talking about feelings and whatnot gave me the willies.

Also, I forgot to mention at the start of this week’s FFO that I actually remember watching the Muppet Show when Melissa Manchester sang “Don’t Cry Out Loud” and those weird clown people rolled around on the floor. That made me uncomfortable, too.

Needless to say, I find this to be one of the most disturbing videos of all time:

Let us never mention it again.

Friday Face-Offs: “Don’t Cry Out Loud” – 8th Place

And we’re off! This video was obviously shot by a bodega security cam. It shows a crime in progress. It shows a thief stealing our hearts.

Nice flourish at 0:51. The solo at the end, also. The spirit of Arnold Schoenberg is alive and well on youtube.

Another thing: This video has an interesting comments section. The pianist has some strong feelings about current events. I bet you never thought you’d read the following phrases in the context of a video about “Don’t Cry Out Loud”:

“To this day they cloak themselves in secrecy — using the Illuminati …. you will find some information about things like the eye in the pyramid of the dollar …. People who are fat, dumb, and happy; are going to become flabergastric …. rogue Rothshschilds/Bush fascist dictatorial government ….”

Not sure what Glenn Beck would say about that, but I know he would at least cry in support of a man who’s concerned about his country.

FRIDAY FACE-OFFS! It’s flabergastric!!!


Guess who’s back and better than ever? If you guessed —

Friday Face-Offs!!!

— you’re correct!

Welcome to the THIRTEENTH INSTALLMENT of an internet legend!

This week’s FRIDAY FACE-OFF is inspired by — and dedicated to — Mr. Glenn Beck, aka “The Emotional Patriot,” whose emotional breakdowns regarding his country — and his love for it — have touched me to my very core.

This week’s FFO is: “Don’t Cry Out Loud” by Melissa Manchester. Watch the original (ie, Muppet-iest) version here:

This week’s FFO will be very emotional. Expect tears. Tears of love for country. Tears of love for heroes. But most of all, tears of love for Friday Face-Offs.

First contestant up next!