I just had three customers in a row. It’s burnin’ in here!

White wine and red wine, what can I say?

Okay, things are looking good: A nice clean shop, with plenty of lights so you can see every single bottle of wine; nice music on the radio (Spanish classical guitar music, one of the best kinds of music for buying wine); and I even have a new haircut! (Thanks to my new barber, blog reader VV.)

Could there be a better time for me to sell you some wine? I don’t see how.

Let’s do this! After all, you love to buy wine, and I love to sell wine. Come, my lovely, shall we dance???

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. I’m working in the wine shop for the next TWO HOURS …

5:00 – 7:00 PM EST

Come on in and buy a bunch of wine and maybe you’ll get mentioned on this web blog!

Can you believe it? Welcome to Web Site Week.

12:03 See you next time … at the OSCARS!

12:02 I guess that’s it. We thank all the Hollywood stars for helping us escape the fact that life is an inexorable march towards spiritual ruin and the grave.

12:01 Steve Martin won’t let go of Bigelow’s Oscar. Leave her alone!

11:59 Well, I guess I was wrong about Hurt Locker not winning. Tom Hanks just stomped all over my theory. Hurt Locker wins the night … they own Hollywood tonight … they are the future … Katherine Bigelow is stunned …

11:58 Whoa, goddamn, he didn’t waste NO KIND OF TIME with that. Hurt Locker wins best picture

11:58 Tom Hanks is on the stage, to present an award for “Best Ten Pictures.”

11:57 Does this mean Hurt Locker wins best picture? I’m not so sure … I think we might see a little surprise in the next few minutes …

11:56 She’s a director but she looks like a movie star! She’s stoked. She’s really stoked, I bet.

11:55 BIGELOW wins best director. First woman to ever win a best director award, according to the news

11:54 Really hoping Reitman doesn’t win

11:52 Best Director award is here at last! James Cameron (Avatar) / Katherine Bigelow (Hurt Locker) / Quentin Tarantino (Bastards) / Lee Daniels (Precious) / Jason Reitman (Up in the Air) …

11:52 Here comes “Babs,” the famous Barbra Streisand, to present an award or make an announcement or something

11:50 Isn’t it about some rich lady who saves some poor kid and makes him play football all the time for her personal gain? “Moms that take care of babies and children no matter where they come from”– her summary of the film. Oh shit, something deep is happening … she’s talking about some mother-figure from her past … the lady who taught her there’s “no race, no class system” … she LIED to you, Sandra!

11:49 Do I need to see this “Blind Side” movie? It looked offensive and stupid to me.

11:48 Huh

11:48 WInner is: WTF SANDRA BULLOCK WTF WTF???

11:47 Sean Penn, Hollywood’s bad boy, is here to present the nomination for Best Women in Hollywood … I have no idea who’s winning this one (probably Streep, though, right?) …

11:45 Stanley Tucci on Meryl Streep. Look, I love Streep hard-core. Nobody conveys pleasure better than her. (Did you see in It’s Complicated, when she toked a joint and got high? It was so good.) But she doesn’t need this Oscar …

11:42 Peter Sarsgaard re: Kerry Mulligan from An Education … she looks a little too waif-y for me … did you see that Vanity Fair cover of all the “hot young hollywood starlets?” It looked like a goth-girl anorexia poster … okay, here’s the big-guns: Oprah Winfrey talking about the girl from Precious … whoa, why did Oprah call it “our movie Precious?” I thought she only came on as producer after the movie was finished? Does a producer get to drop an “our” for a movie after the fact? Hmm, I better call my Hollywood friend (Brad Pitt) and ask him …

11:40 Here come a bunch of stars to tell us about the actresses … get ready … first up? (They’re playing “Moon River,” one of my favorite melodies) … Okay, here’s Forrest Whittaker (sp) talking about Sandra Bullock … dude if Sandra wins this, we have a Code-Red upset on hour hands … somethign sounds weird on my television, like there’s a helicopter in the auditorium … okay, here’s some British dude talking about Helen Mirren, one of the sexiest ladies on earth, with no question … umm, and by the way, if you’ve never checked Helen Mirren’s twitter account, you should do that, esp. the first tweets, it couldn’t be cuter …

11:39 BEST ACTRESS montage … all the great women of Hollywood in one place … so much talent, so much star power …

11:35 Jeff Bridges is winning right now. He is winning. he is the best. I am on the other side now. He is the greatest. Give him every award in the world. Just please keep talking, Jeff Bridges! WHY DID THEY MAKE HIM STOP TALKING

11:34 Oh dude, Jeff Bridges is verrrrrry high on drugs. Could it be the drugs of victory? Or did he smoke a fat bong right before the award was announced? Or maybe he’s just a spacey-west-coast dude, and this is how he acts all the time??? OH DUDE, I JUST STARTED FEELING HIM REALLLLLY HARD … please Jeff Bridges, please please come to my next party and stand around telling me how awesome everyone is!!!

11:33 Jeff Bridges gets a standing O! He’s acting buzzed. Is he a doper? I bet he is. Acting: “A groovy profession.” Yeah, that means he smokes mary-jah-wonnah. Take your hand out of your pocket, though, brah. It looks like you don’t really care. Though, again, that could be the marijuana in his bloodstream.

11:32 And the winner is …Jeff Bridges for “Crazy Hard: A Country Porno”

11:31 Kate Winslet, now, to present the award for Best Man in Hollywood …

11:30 Colin Farrell is talking up the guy from Hurt Locker, Jeremy Renner (sp)? You know what? I hope this Renner guy wins the award. Shit, I was feeling him in 28 Weeks Later, let alone Hurt Locker!

11:29 Tim Robbins talking about Morgan Freeman. Funny story that makes us all laugh … “Just guys, doing their thing.” … Morgan Freeman as Nelson Mandela is Oscar-bait to the 100th power, but is it enough?

11:27 Now Julienne Moore is talkign about Colin Firth and his performance in “A Single Man.” She loves him. All these actresses who are talking about their male costars are in love with them. Or is it that they’re such good actresses, they merely ACT as though they’re in love with ’em? Am I being hornswoggled?

11:26 Now Verma Fermiglia is talking about George Clooney. They were in a movie together called “Up in the Air,” about a man who lives in an airport and kisses all the ladies … Serious question: Is George Clooney a good actor? I would like to ask a professional actor about whether George Clooney is a good actor. Damn, now she’s loving on George pretty hardcore.

11:24 behold this phalanx of unstoppable movie stars, here to present an award (I think)– Michelle Pfeiffer, telling a story about Jeff Bridges. She really likes Jeff Bridges and I think maybe they must have slept together once b/c she’s looking at him with deep affection and talking about his beautiful daughters and his strong marriage … it’s killing her, that she couldn’t have his heart …

11:23 Best actor montage … here are the greatest male performances of the year … if you have a problem with it, go to acting school and try to get your ass in a movie and win an award, that’s all I have to say

11:19 Kathy Bates just bit her tongue and talked up Avatar, the famous movie that cost all the money in the world and then made all the money in the world

11:18 Why is Alec Baldwin playing straight man to Steve Martin? That must be why he seems unhappy/bored.

11:17 LOL, I see that I typed it below as “The Secret in their Ears.” For the record, it’s “The Secret in Their Eyes.” You can’t have a secret in an ear.

11:16 WINNER IS THE SECRET IN THEIR EYES!!!! WTF, big-time! never heard of this movie in my life!!!

11:15 Nominees: (Missed the first one) / Milk of Sorrow / A Prophet (dude I am stoked to see this one, I heard it’s bad-ass) / The Secret in their Ears (special award for “Most Movie-Title Title Ever”) / White Ribbon by Ol’ Dirty Haneke

11:15 Best foreign language film with Pedro ALamxador and Quentin Tarantino…

11:14 Is Alec Baldwin happy to be here, or not? He seems pretty bored.

11:13 I think I burned my mouth on the rice and beans … could it be the heat being generated by all the Hollywood star power? …

11:12 Skechers advertisement about those shoes that have rocking chairs on the bottom so you can get in shape just by walking around

11:08 Keaneu Reeves (sp) introduces the Hurt Locker … a movie about disarming bombs in Iraq. I liked this movie, I gotta say. I hope everyone gets into defusing bombs and removing land mines as a result of this movie …

11:07 Best film editing … a bunch of nominees (the same movies you’ve been hearing about all night) … the winner is HURT LOCKER. Things are looking good for Hurt Locker tonight …

11:06 Wait a minute … did they already give the award for best supporting actor???

11:05 Tyler Perry brings the snark/bitterness. You know what, dude? You probably won’t get an Oscar, because your movies are pretty lame.

11:05 Winner is: THE COVE (about people killing dolphins and eating them)

11:04 Which Way Home (final doc nominated) and the winner is …

11:01 PM Best doc: Burma VJ / Food Inc. / The Cove of Terror / Daniel Ellsberg: The Most Dangerous Assassin in the World /

10:56 Jason Batemen here to tell us about Up in the Air. Screw it: I’m preemptively judging this movie. It just seems too perfectly middle-brow to me. I shan’t see it. I shall only see cowboy movies.

10:56 Who won for best score? I missed it.

10:55 “I can’t believe we made such an expensive movie!” (What if said that in real life?)

10:55 Avatar just won for “Best Amazing Special Effects”

10:47 Dance tribute to the best musical scores. I’m gonna heat up some rice and beans.

10:46 Oh it’s the guy from Avatar. The guy who turned into an alien in the woods.

10:45 Jennifer Lopez and some guy are hear to tell about us musical soundtracks … I think …

10:44 Hell yeah, Raymour and Flanigan commercial! My favorite place to look at furniture. For real, that’s my store

10:43 LOL, I forgot about that BMW commercial they were showing at the movies last year where they pour paint all over a BMW’s tires and then some jackass pulls donuts on a big piece of paper and it’s supposed to be artistic. That was my favorite thing to hold in contempt last year —

10:42 Commercial for a scary new tv show called “Happy Town,” on ABC. “Don’t let the name fool you.”

10:42 Cindy Crawford’s making blankets!

10:41 Do I need to finally learn the difference bewteen 3G and 4G and all that network stuff? I have a 2003 Verizon phone that you can’t do anything on, so I guess not.

10:40 Is anyone in Hollywood still alive?

10:40 “I coulda been a contender!” –he died too. SO MUCH DEATH

10:40 The guy who wrote Mr. Magoo is dead.

10:39 Jack Cardiff, a cinematographer, is dead.

10:39 Dom Deluise died.

10:38 it’s that Beatles song they sang on the last episode of Family Ties

10:38 Tribute time … whuh-oh, James Taylor is gonna sing a song to honor the dead of Hollywood

10:38 The incomparable Demi Moore is here to show us who died

10:37 You do get the sense that Hollywood is expecting James Cameron’s technical geegawry to save them all …

10:36 Avatar wins for best cinematography! I thought they didn’t use cameras in that movie or something? Or didn’t use film? (? Something technical like that?)

10:35 Cinematography: Avatar / Harry Potter / Hurt Locker / Ingl. Basterds / White Ribbon(!?!)

10:34 We’re back at the Oscars! Hollywood’s night to shine … here comes Sandra Bullock as introduced by smarmy white-head Steve Martin … “Boo-hoo, Sandra Bullock doesn’t contribute to Shouts & Murmurs so I can be snarky about her”

10:33 Oh snap, that british chef is about to make everybody get skinny and eat vegetables? DO THIS

10:32 “Choose Celibacy, Not Yaz.” That’s my new motto to all ladies.

10:32 Are you kidding me, they really made a birth-control pill called “Yaz?” Hoo boy.

10:31 This commercial is about throwing away your Coke and then somebody else drinks it because it’s liquid garbage

10:30 Coming up: Sandra Bullock and the hottest dance troupe on TV

10:29 Am I the only one who literally could not bring himself to see this movie because of Brad Pitt’s voice?

10:29 John Travolta is about to describe Ingloirous Bedheads …

10:28 The lady from 40 Year Old Virgin is about to announce some technical awards …

10:26 Whoa whoa slow down they already got another list of nominees going … what award is this? I check Ebert’s twitter feed for ten seconds and now I’m lost … the Hurt Locker just won AGAIN, the guy is giving back-to-back speeches!!! That is fuckin soooo bad-ass. This must be another sound-related award: Ah, Sound Mixing award! “This is the crowning achievement of my career” — classiest thing to say during your Oscars acceptance speech

10:24 best sound noms: Avatar/hurt locker/inglor. basterds/SOMETHING I MISSED/ Up … winner is HURT LOCKER (movie about the guys who opened Baghdad’s first Foot Locker)

10:23 You gotta be kidding me, with this documentary about sound-editing. They really record all those new sounds and then mix them together to make one sound-track to an action sequence? No wonder movies cost a trillion dollars to make

10:22 Too beautiful kids … don’t know their names … here comes Morgan Freeman doing a voice-over about sound-editing and mixing (“Why don’t you mix my voice into every single thing currently being broadcast on television?”) (my little joke)

10:20 Kill Everyone with your Chainsaw … the Dolls are Alive … Dreaming of Murder … Blood and Gore Will Cleanse Your Soul … The Baby is Satan … I break your feet … eat a rat for dinner … big-ass freaky ears and eyes … Frankenstein wants a kiss … the Headless Horseman rides again … Alfred Hitchock’s “Too Many Birds” … screaming and yelling … people staring at each other …long hallways with kids in ’em … I see dead people … bloody monsters that you have to kiss … blood coming out of elevators … rats and mucus … mouths and teeth … AND THAT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IS HORROR

10:19 Everyone Must Die in a Maestrom of Terror and Violence …

10:19 The Oscars Tribute to Horror …

10:14 Hyundai goes deep: “If you could drive any car you wanted, would you choose yours?” aka “Sometimes when you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares into you”

10:13 iPad commercial … it looks like a big iPhone that you put in your lap. Hip rock music in this commercial … guess it’s time for me to buy an iPad (LOL)

10:12 Charleze Theron describes Oscar-nominated PRECIOUS … film clips to follow …

10:11 Snap, “I already have two of these (Oscars)” and then she dedicates it to “All the little schlubs who don’t get to design costumes for movies about dead queens”

10:10 The Young Victoria! Hoo boy, this lady brought her A-game, vis-a-vis “Lemme wear something freaky to the Oscars”

10:10 Nominees are: Bright Star (saw this with my dad) / Coco is Chanel(?) / Imagnarium of Dr. Doom / Nine the Musical by Precious / Young Victoria … winner is …

10:09 Tom Ford (fashion marketer) and Sarah jessica Parker (from Sex my City) are here to present the award for CRAZIEST COSTUME IN A MOVIE

10:08 Steve Martin makin’ ’em laugh in that horrible way that happens sometimes

10:07 Okay, lemme hear what these nerds have to say “Jim Cameron, this Oscar sees you” — was the production of Avatar a cult, or something? What’s up with these people? Now we got this one guy talking about how his doctor thought he would die??? What the heck is going on with the super-intense acceptance speeches tonight?

10:06 Winner is: AVATAR, THE LEGEND OF ZELDA IN 3-D for best art direction

10:05 SIgourney Weaver is here, wearing a red dress with only one shoulder on it … she has style and finesse, if you ask me … Nominees for best Art Direction in a Movie: Avatar / Imaginarium of Dr. Something-or-other / Nine, the Musical / Sherlock Holmes (as in “Holmes, I hope you didn’t see that Sherlock movie”) / and one othe rmovie I didn’t catch

10:05 Oh, it was a Dancing with the Stars commercial

10:04 Sometimes I can’t even tell what a commercial is trying to tell me

10:03 Hippest JC Penney commercial ever

10:02 Coming up: A salute to horror films? Sounds good to me!

10:02 Now they’re summarizing An Education, the movie about the love affair in England

10:01 Samuel Jackson just made a funny face– was Monique too much for him?

10:00 Oh shit Monique is killing this speech …

9:59 Man I gotta see that Precious movie. I heard it’s a little gruesome and exploitati– whoa hold up Monique is going off about politics of the Academy

9:59 Did you read that article about how Monique didn’t give a shit about the Oscars? THis is why she must win AND SHE WON!!!! BASED ON THE NOVEL PUSH BY SAPPHIRE!!! Cool

9:59 And Monique, for Precious … this is the one I’m rooting for … I like Monique

9:58 Oh man, I didn’t see any of these movies … I feel guilty for some weird reason

9:56 Best supporting actresses, get ready: This is your time: Penelope Cruz (9) (is she a good actress? Not sure about that– I saw a movie where she hosted a cooking show and I thought it was kinda wack) … Vera Famiglia for Up in the Air (gotta say, this movie seems intolerable to me; am I just a hater?) … Maggie Gylehnanal for Crazy Heart (movie about grumpy ol’ guy who’s hurting real bad) … Anna Kendrick for Up in the Air …

9:55 Oh boy, here comes RObin WIlliams … put your hijinx helmet on

9:54 Roger Corman won an award? Is he the one who made the movies with the women with the big bazoombas?

9:54 Winners all, each and every one (my two cents)

9:53 This is one of those montages where they show highlights from some weird day-time awards show they didn’t invite us too

9:52 Is there anyone it would be more fun to be best friends with than QUeen Latifah?

9:52 Look, ther’es my arch-nemesis from the Olympics: Morgan “Credit Card Commercial” Freeman

9:51 Goddamn we’re in grown-up mode right now … this guy is bringing a strange intensity to the event

9:50 Holy shit I’m feeling this guy … he’s out of breath and totally quiet and sincere …

9:50 I thought Nick Hornsburg would win for An Education

9:50 Oh shit, I’m actually kinda stoked about this

9:49 And the winner is … PRECIOUS BY SAPPHIRE, THE MOVIE PUSH!!!

9:48 In the Loop (didn’t see it, heard it was funny) … An Education (about a sexy cello player? didn’t see it) … District 9 (I thought this was a good movie)

9:48 Best adapted screenplay noms: Up in the Air … Push by Sapphire, the movie Precious …

9:47 Rachel McAdams and Jake Gyllehneal are irradiating the room with their youth, their talent …

9:47 Dunkin’ Donuts commercial

9:46 I like the music in this car commercial. I bet you could really wash some dishes to this music — except then it goes into that “Angry, noisy car driving too fast” mode and loses it … hmm … OH CAR COMMERCIALS WHY DO YOU ALWAYS FRUSTRATE ME???

9:45 Was JC Penney a real person? I bet she was a nice lady

9:45 They should give an OScar to this toilet paper commercial for “Silliest toilet paper commercial”

9:44 Next up: oscar for best supporting actress in a flim or extended television show that looks like a movie …

9:43 He’s describing “A Serious Man,” the latest movie from the Coen Brothers …

9:43 Jeff Bridges is about to give a speech …

9:42 PM I think one of the best-make-up award winners was high on marijuana

9:41 The guy is wearing a beret, or some kind of floppy hat … I like it… “live long and prosper with wealth”

9:41 PM The winner for best make-up: Star Trek (2009)

9:39 Nominees: Il Divo (never saw it, I win) … Star Trek: The movie (I saw this one) … The Young Victoria (never saw it, I win again) man this movie looks boring, about a young Victoria … only three nominees, what?

9:39 Best Make-up In A Movie or Film … get on with it …

9:39 Everybody’s laughing and having a wonderful time

9:38 Ben Stiller is presenting an award, dressed up as one of those blue guys from Avatar

9:37 Oy vey, you don’t wanna know what I just went through … turns out the pilot went out on the ol’ hot water heater … so now I can’t take my shower and get pretty for the Oscars…

9:25 PM Did I just hear Katherine Kennear (sp) do the voice-over for a Hyundai commercial?

9:25 PM: Commercial break … I can’t believe we’re actually watching the Oscars!

9:24 PM Samuel Jackson is telling us about UP … the animated film that has been nominated for an Oscar … I saw UP at the discount theatre and I tried to sneak in some peanuts and I got totally busted … that’s a true story …

9:23 PM Too much tribute … back to the show … let’s win some awards!

9:22 PM Damn, Judd Nelson wins gold for the “Merle Allan lookalike contest”

9:22 PM Oh snap here comes every movie star who ever starred in a John Hughes movie … they’re going to make a tribute to him …

9:21 PM Damn, now they’re showing some John Hughes movies I don’t even recognize! What’s this movie with Kevin Bacon in a gray tuxedo?

9:20 PM: Why is he getting this special retrospective? Is he the most famous director to die this year?

9:19 PM: No way did John Hughes make all these movies!!! He made HOME ALONE???

9:17 PM: Hurt Locker will win every award, right? Should that be my prediction? Molly Ringwald, more beautiful than ever, is talking about John Hughes, the famous teenage movie director … I saw most of his movies … now Matthew Broderick is talking about Ferris Beuller, the classic film he made with john Hudhges …

9:16 PM: Acceptance speech is going well … the writer’s tuxedo collar looks really fresh … he’s dedicating his award to the troops in Iraq and Afghanistan … and his dad who passed away …

9:15 PM: HURT LOCKER wins screenplay award … this means it’ll win everything, mark my words!!!

9:15 PM: Up (by Pixar) … and the winner is:

9:13 PM: Nominees for screenplay: Hurt Locker … Inglourious Basterds (Brad Pitt is unlistenable, my 2cents) … The MEssenger (didnt’ see it; it’s about people telling each other they’re dead) … Serious Man by Coen Bros …

9:11 PM: Alec Baldwin is talking … here come two mega-talented young people: Robert Downey and Tina Fey … Robert Downey has a nice blue bow-tie … they are cracking the crowd up … everyone is so psyched about the Oscars …

9:10 PM: Commercial about a crazy movie director who talks to squirrels … funny stuff … now it’s one of those car commercials that cuts between quiet shots of cars and super noisy/violent shots of cars …

9:09 PM: So the fight between ABC and Cablevision seems to be resolved … and I can see the Academy Awards on my television … I’m excited … I think they already awarded some awards … I will confirm and get back to you …

Just got a tip from reader TB … the Oscars are on TV after all! LIVEBLOGGING BEGINS NOW … this is a good Coke commercial … it’s Oscar time, people … spread the word …

Don’t forget to check in on Sunday night for Oscars Wineblogging! See you soon …

Mitt Romney’s new book is called “No Apology: The Case For American Sandwiches.”

(Wait … actually, that might be “No Apology: The Case For American Greatness.”)

Anyway, it sounds pretty good!

“[T]here can be no rational denial of the reality that America is a decidedly good nation,” writes Romney, or perhaps a third grader. “Therefore, it is good for America to be strong.”

I can’t wait to get my hands on this book and read it aloud on the bus in a very loud voice.

Thanks to those readers who have sent links to the list of Oscar nominees. How do we know these are the actual nominees??? What if they’re not???