10:01 Samuel Jackson just made a funny face– was Monique too much for him?
10:00 Oh shit Monique is killing this speech …
9:59 Man I gotta see that Precious movie. I heard it’s a little gruesome and exploitati– whoa hold up Monique is going off about politics of the Academy
9:59 Did you read that article about how Monique didn’t give a shit about the Oscars? THis is why she must win AND SHE WON!!!! BASED ON THE NOVEL PUSH BY SAPPHIRE!!! Cool
9:59 And Monique, for Precious … this is the one I’m rooting for … I like Monique
9:58 Oh man, I didn’t see any of these movies … I feel guilty for some weird reason
9:56 Best supporting actresses, get ready: This is your time: Penelope Cruz (9) (is she a good actress? Not sure about that– I saw a movie where she hosted a cooking show and I thought it was kinda wack) … Vera Famiglia for Up in the Air (gotta say, this movie seems intolerable to me; am I just a hater?) … Maggie Gylehnanal for Crazy Heart (movie about grumpy ol’ guy who’s hurting real bad) … Anna Kendrick for Up in the Air …
9:55 Oh boy, here comes RObin WIlliams … put your hijinx helmet on
9:54 Roger Corman won an award? Is he the one who made the movies with the women with the big bazoombas?
9:54 Winners all, each and every one (my two cents)
9:53 This is one of those montages where they show highlights from some weird day-time awards show they didn’t invite us too
9:52 Is there anyone it would be more fun to be best friends with than QUeen Latifah?
9:52 Look, ther’es my arch-nemesis from the Olympics: Morgan “Credit Card Commercial” Freeman
9:51 Goddamn we’re in grown-up mode right now … this guy is bringing a strange intensity to the event
9:50 Holy shit I’m feeling this guy … he’s out of breath and totally quiet and sincere …
9:50 I thought Nick Hornsburg would win for An Education
9:50 Oh shit, I’m actually kinda stoked about this
9:49 And the winner is … PRECIOUS BY SAPPHIRE, THE MOVIE PUSH!!!
9:48 In the Loop (didn’t see it, heard it was funny) … An Education (about a sexy cello player? didn’t see it) … District 9 (I thought this was a good movie)
9:48 Best adapted screenplay noms: Up in the Air … Push by Sapphire, the movie Precious …
9:47 Rachel McAdams and Jake Gyllehneal are irradiating the room with their youth, their talent …
9:47 Dunkin’ Donuts commercial
9:46 I like the music in this car commercial. I bet you could really wash some dishes to this music — except then it goes into that “Angry, noisy car driving too fast” mode and loses it … hmm … OH CAR COMMERCIALS WHY DO YOU ALWAYS FRUSTRATE ME???
9:45 Was JC Penney a real person? I bet she was a nice lady
9:45 They should give an OScar to this toilet paper commercial for “Silliest toilet paper commercial”
9:44 Next up: oscar for best supporting actress in a flim or extended television show that looks like a movie …
9:43 He’s describing “A Serious Man,” the latest movie from the Coen Brothers …
9:43 Jeff Bridges is about to give a speech …
9:42 PM I think one of the best-make-up award winners was high on marijuana
9:41 The guy is wearing a beret, or some kind of floppy hat … I like it… “live long and prosper with wealth”
9:41 PM The winner for best make-up: Star Trek (2009)
9:39 Nominees: Il Divo (never saw it, I win) … Star Trek: The movie (I saw this one) … The Young Victoria (never saw it, I win again) man this movie looks boring, about a young Victoria … only three nominees, what?
9:39 Best Make-up In A Movie or Film … get on with it …
9:39 Everybody’s laughing and having a wonderful time
9:38 Ben Stiller is presenting an award, dressed up as one of those blue guys from Avatar
9:37 Oy vey, you don’t wanna know what I just went through … turns out the pilot went out on the ol’ hot water heater … so now I can’t take my shower and get pretty for the Oscars…
9:25 PM Did I just hear Katherine Kennear (sp) do the voice-over for a Hyundai commercial?
9:25 PM: Commercial break … I can’t believe we’re actually watching the Oscars!
9:24 PM Samuel Jackson is telling us about UP … the animated film that has been nominated for an Oscar … I saw UP at the discount theatre and I tried to sneak in some peanuts and I got totally busted … that’s a true story …
9:23 PM Too much tribute … back to the show … let’s win some awards!
9:22 PM Damn, Judd Nelson wins gold for the “Merle Allan lookalike contest”
9:22 PM Oh snap here comes every movie star who ever starred in a John Hughes movie … they’re going to make a tribute to him …
9:21 PM Damn, now they’re showing some John Hughes movies I don’t even recognize! What’s this movie with Kevin Bacon in a gray tuxedo?
9:20 PM: Why is he getting this special retrospective? Is he the most famous director to die this year?
9:19 PM: No way did John Hughes make all these movies!!! He made HOME ALONE???
9:17 PM: Hurt Locker will win every award, right? Should that be my prediction? Molly Ringwald, more beautiful than ever, is talking about John Hughes, the famous teenage movie director … I saw most of his movies … now Matthew Broderick is talking about Ferris Beuller, the classic film he made with john Hudhges …
9:16 PM: Acceptance speech is going well … the writer’s tuxedo collar looks really fresh … he’s dedicating his award to the troops in Iraq and Afghanistan … and his dad who passed away …
9:15 PM: HURT LOCKER wins screenplay award … this means it’ll win everything, mark my words!!!
9:15 PM: Up (by Pixar) … and the winner is:
9:13 PM: Nominees for screenplay: Hurt Locker … Inglourious Basterds (Brad Pitt is unlistenable, my 2cents) … The MEssenger (didnt’ see it; it’s about people telling each other they’re dead) … Serious Man by Coen Bros …
9:11 PM: Alec Baldwin is talking … here come two mega-talented young people: Robert Downey and Tina Fey … Robert Downey has a nice blue bow-tie … they are cracking the crowd up … everyone is so psyched about the Oscars …
9:10 PM: Commercial about a crazy movie director who talks to squirrels … funny stuff … now it’s one of those car commercials that cuts between quiet shots of cars and super noisy/violent shots of cars …
9:09 PM: So the fight between ABC and Cablevision seems to be resolved … and I can see the Academy Awards on my television … I’m excited … I think they already awarded some awards … I will confirm and get back to you …