Friday Face-Offs: “Red Red Wine” — WINNER!!!

Was it Shakespeare who said, “If music be the wine of love, drink up?”

I think it was Shakespeare. Anyway, this vid is Shakespearean in its Tempest-ness of AWESOMENESS.

LOL, at (0:24) you can really hear how quiet the bass is. Like a fine Pinot Noir, the bass is so dark and rich!

And can I ask a question? At (0:56), is the guy in the white t-shirt feeling very good? I swear, it’s like he’s a Cabernet Sauvignoun (sp)– so smooth and well-balanced, with all the right notes!

Seriously, if they could make a wine that tasted the way that guy is feeling, I would buy it by the case.

But: Arrgghh, one thing about this video that makes me so frustrated is that they’re NOT DRINKING WINE! Dudes, you KNOW that when it comes to good times with old friends, wine is your best beverage choice! YOU’RE EVEN DANCING TO A SONG ABOUT HOW AWESOME IT IS!!! You could have bought a bottle of Rheisling (sp), Malbeck (sp), or MERLOT, so why are you drinking big bottles of Heineken, a.k.a. “the poor man’s Pinot Grigiot (sp)”?!?

Anyway, just had to get that off my chest.

LOL, back to the guy in the white t-shirt: Feelin’ sad at (1:29), would you say? Right after the little beer bottle boat floats by? He’s feelin’ glum? LOL, then the Sunkist bottle makes a cameo? Hello? Party off the hook much?

One more thing — (3:28): Guy reppin’ Toyota Corollas very hard?

Great video, congratulations to our winning team. (And now, finally, can I just say for the record that “Red Red Wine” is one of the worst songs ever recorded. Thanks.)

Friday Face-Offs! HERE ENDETH WINE WEEK. Thanks to everyone for their nice emails about wine and especially those who wrote in with messages of support re: MERLOT.


Have a good weekend.

Friday Face-Offs: “Red Red Wine” – 3rd Place

(NOTE: This video features adult/bizarre content, which is not endorsed or condoned by Friday Face-Offs.)

Having said that, may I now say this is the GREATEST VIDEO OF ALL TIME?

If you’ve ever wanted to know how kids view grown-ups’ relationship to wine, watch this video.

This video almost makes me feel ashamed of my love of wine, because when I watched it, I was like, “Yep, I gotta admit, they kinda nailed it — that IS how I feel about wine. I would TOTALLY rub two wine bottles together (1:14) in the hopes of producing more wine.”

Then again, they started losing me at (1:25). At first, I thought “OK, masturbating the wine bottle, who doesn’t do that, it’s all part of the wine game,” but then? (1:28?) The neck braces? Umm . . . that doesn’t feel normal to me. I rarely wear my neck brace while enjoying a glass of wine.

But then I thought, “Maybe the neck brace will catch any wine I spill while slugging straight out of the bottle!” So I got on board with the neck brace.

Then the bear comes into it (1:32), and I’m like, “Hmm, not really sure where this is headed . . . not sure this still reflects my relationship to wine. . .”

AND THEN WE HIT (1:36). OK GUYS, YOU LOST ME. I mean, yeah, I like drinking wine, but come on.

Friday Face-Offs: “Red Red Wine” – 4th Place

This is like a fine glass of Moltepichianno (sp): Big, brassy, BOLD!

Let’s see . . . which of these images is my favorite?

1. 0:21 – “A nice place for wine-sipping”
2. 0:25 – “Taking a nap in a pool of white wine”
3. 0:31 – “Entering the Lord’s wine shop; 10% off all cases of Eucharist wine”
4. 0:57 – “Who put LSD in my wine?”
5. 1:13 – “Feeling drowsy from all the wine”

I had to put this video on the list because the singer is singing in Italian and Italians make the best wines! I think all the best red wine comes from Italy, and all the best white wine comes from California. France, you can try again next year! All the other countries like Argentina, Australia, etc. — they’re all a bunch of bullshit. All their wines suck and nobody should buy them.

Also, beer is better than wine.

LOL, just kidding, wine rules and everyone knows it!!! ANYBODY WHO’S NOT DRINKING WINE RIGHT NOW IS A FREAK.

(Just kidding, don’t drink wine until nighttime. “Night time is the right time for wine time,” that’s what I always say.)



Friday Face-Offs: “Red Red Wine” – 5th Place

What’s crazier: The fact that these guys practice in the acoustical abattoir of a COMMERCIAL STORAGE SPACE . . .

Or that they follow the “No Girls Allowed In Our Rock ‘N’ Roll Man-Zone” rule even while including a girl in their band?

C’mon guys, why make her set up her “keebs” in the storage space hallway? And also, is her keyboard even plugged in? Or did she win some kind of local cereal-box contest where first prize is you get to pretend to practice with the hottest band in Milksboro Storage Facility?

LOL, the other girl in the video is having the time of her life. You can tell from her body language, LOL. Man, if somebody could figure out how to bottle the body language of “girls watching their boyfriends’ bands practice,” they could make a million dollars selling it to people who want to look like they’re ten seconds away from jumping off a bridge out of boredom.

Then again, I can’t really hate on these guys for their practice space, since it looks cleaner than 90% of the places I used to practice in (yes, I used to play in a ROCK BAND, I’m that cool). LOL, “Sound Museum” in Allston, MA — that was a nice practice space. LOL, loved the beer bottles everywhere, the smell of beer . . . LOL, shared the space with a guy who drew a huge CHARLES MANSON MURAL on the wall of our room . . . good vibes . . . conducive to our musical project of writing retro love ballads, LOL . . .


(By the way, thanks to reader CV for suggesting this week’s FFO.)

Friday Face-Offs: “Red Red Wine” – 6th Place

Live from the Glastonbury Music Festival:

You know, I went to the Glastonbury Festival way back in olden times. The Velvet Underground played a reunion show. BORRRRING! Why does everyone think that band was so great? “Let’s plonk around on two notes and sing through our noses while Andy Warhol films a skyscraper for twenty hours.” WAY TO ROCK, GUYS.

If I had a choice between seeing a Velvet Underground reunion show and a “The Guy In This Video” reunion show, I would be choosing the latter faster than you can say, “Drank a whole bottle of Cabernet for breakfast,” which is obviously what he did.


(Only six contestants this week, because I’m behind schedule.)

Friday Face-Offs!!!

We’re back!

I know, I know, you were terrified that the economy would lead to massive Friday Face-Off Layoffs. I don’t think so. We’re not some wimpy-ass Broadway show that closes at the first sight of a downturn. We’re not some creepy Ponzi scheme that collapses under its own weight. We’re not some under-regulated financial instrument nobody understands that’s allowed to grow to fifty times its natural size and consume everything in its path before flaming out in a conflagration of capitalist excess.

We’re something else:

We’re Friday Face-Offs!!!

We’re not going anywhere!!!!!

Welcome to the ELEVENTH INSTALLMENT of an internet legend!

This week’s FRIDAY FACE-OFF is (what else?): “Red Red Wine” by Neil Diamond. Watch the original version here:

This is in honor of WINE WEEK, the week when we blogged from a wine shop!!!

Pay attention, first contestant up next!!!