ONE THING THAT SETS AMERICA APART FROM OTHER COUNTRIES IS OUR LOVE OF RESULTS. Whether it’s a hotly contested football game or the latest scientific research, we’re all about the final score, the takeaway, the endgame … the RESULTS. It’s why we flip to the last page of our novel to find out how the story ends; it’s why we want to know the RESULTS of our medical tests; it’s why we like to read our grandparents’ last will and testament — because once you know the RESULT, you can decide whether anything is worth doing.
Don’t believe America loves results? Take a look around: we’ve got the RESULTS to prove it! Take a look at the Hoover Dam. Take a gander at that American flag on the moon. Take a glance at the hottest American cars and trucks on the highway. Take a gaze at the American landscape … all you see is RESULTS after RESULTS after RESULTS. We get things done, and we have the results to prove it.
There were many results in 2013. From elections to Pope decisions to TV contests, it seemed every American conversation was about results this year. And so now, without any further dilly-dallying, here are the results (ha!) of my list of the TOP TEN RESULTS OF 2013:
10. Pleasant results
9. “Ooh, I like that result!”
8. Loose ends tied up perfectly
7. Unexpected result that turns out, upon reflection, to be preferable to the expected result
6. Scientific results
5. (TIE) Funny results (i.e. “Look at the pancake batter on your mustache!”) / Serious results (i.e. “My calculator gave me this result”)
4. Everything wrapped up with a big red bow on top
3. Unambiguous results
2. “You always get the coolest results and that’s why I love you”
1. The greatest results of all time