Reader AF fully supports my Iron Maiden awakening … the loss of my Iron-Maiden Maidenhead, so to speak:

Just writing to wish you well on your journey to Iron Maiden Superfandom.  I am a recent convert as well.  It is way more metal to get into metal now; starting in 1986 would have been taking the easy way out.  I don’t think they even knew how to use the word “metal” as an adjective back then.

That’s right! I only wish I had been metal enough to hold out until I was 70 … but no, the siren call of the Maiden was to tempting … I couldn’t resist … she called out to me, her breath sweet with the taste of iron … Iron Maiden, I am here now … I am here …

Ten thousand thank-yous to reader TR, who sends along this version of “The Trooper.”

Watch. Learn. Love. Know hope.

Due to an amazing set of circumstances, I’ll be working in the wine store tomorrow afternoon. Yes, that’s right, you people get *TWO* WINE STORE DAYS this week …

God is good … know hope.

I’m gonna get back into performing live. Why? Because I miss sharing my insights and feelings with people.

Two gigs next week! Please tell your friends who live in the appropriate geographical areas!

Thu, 1 October 2009
Variety Shac
UCB Theatre
New York, NY
9:00 PM

Sat, 3 October 2009
Open Space Gallery
Beacon, NY
8:00 PM
NOTE: I will deliver my infamous “Lottery Lecture;” opening act is Sam Anderson! (Reading selections from the Lost Symbol, we hope!) Anyway, this is a HOMETOWN THROWDOWN!!!

Okay, it’s not an Iron Maiden song, and it’s not even really Iron Maiden’s style, but it pairs nicely with most tannin-heavy reds …

NOTE: I usually hate these kinds of videos/this kind of guitar playing, but something about this dude just makes me laugh, especially the psychotic style he drops at 2:10. Also check out his thumb (which is obviously addicted to crystal meth) at around 2:55.

This video made me realize something fundamental about my relationship to guitar solos: You know most guitarists (especially metal guitarists), when they’re taking a solo, they make a bunch of dumb-ass goofy faces? Big sloppy grins with the their tongue hanging out every which way? It’s like the size of their mouth has an inverse relationship to the actual artistic merit of the solo. Bigger mouth = dumb-assier solo.

But check out my man’s mouth in this solo. Because it’s pretty big … LOL. Look at his mouth at 3:18. They don’t even make mouths that small anymore. That’s how you know this dude is for real.

I know, I know, it’s a psychological and oenological injustice that Iron Maiden’s merlot is no longer available. HOWEVER if you come to the wine shop tonight, I will draw the Iron Maiden logo on any bottle of wine you buy.

A woman just came in. She bought three bottles of wine! I was stoked. I thought everything was going great … I started to put the bottles in a big bag, and then: CHAOS. “Can you put this one bottle in a separate bag? It’s a gift.”

Of course my initial reaction was to panic and “run to the hills,” but I kept my cool and asked if she wanted a gift bag, which the store stocks, and which I am authorized to sell to people. But she just wanted a separate regular bag.

No worries … I took a deep breath and fulfilled her bag-related-requests like a champion. I guess you could say I gave her “piece of mind.”

Iron Maiden and wine … we’re doing this. All day, all night. “Two minutes to midnight.” “666, the number of the beast.” What else can I say?

Iron Maiden has their own wine. And yes, yes, yes … it’s a Merlot.

You can have Piece of Mind that this fine Chilean Merlot tastes great on it’s own or with a very very rare steak! Comes in a wooden presentation box ‘IRON MAIDEN Eddie’s Evil Brew’ printed on top sliding lid which would make a great gift. Exclusive to the Official Iron Maiden Shop. NOTE: This item is very fragile and heavy and incurs additional shipping costs to keep it safe.

Alas, I think the wine has been discontinued. It’s no longer available at the official Iron Maiden Online Shop.

Okay, we have a contender for “Iron Maiden Wikipedia Paragraph of the Day.” It’s about Eddie, Iron Maiden’s monster mascot:

The 80s Maiden covers Piece of Mind through Seventh Son of a Seventh Son seemed to have a continuity of their own. Most noticeably traces of his lobotomy from Piece are featured in every cover from this period. Eddie’s cyborg eye (from the Powerslave-era single 2 Minutes to Midnight) also appeared on the covers of Somewhere in Time, Raising Hell and Seventh Son. Some of his cybernetic parts from Somewhere in Time remain on Seventh Son but obviously Eddie’s somewhat odd decomposition makes this link less clear. This continuity ceased for unknown reasons after No Prayer for the Dying (though Eddie’s non-zombie appearance on Fear of the Dark may have been a reason for the change) and has since been largely abandoned. Regardless, traces of the lobotomy still appeared in some artwork associated with the album. Indeed, the cover for The X Factor and associated artwork is about the operation that caused this change to Eddie.

Let’s get lost in this image …

BREAKING … a customer just bought a bottle of the Gozzo 2007 Malbec, the very wine I suggested pairing with “The Trooper” by Iron Maiden!!!

I played it cool, of course … the consummate professional … but part of me wanted to yell “UP THE IRONS!!!” as she left the store.

Wine-Store Monday & Iron Maiden Week, it doesn’t get any hotter than this.