He’s a senator. He’s privy to information that’s not available to average schmoes like you and me.

After the interviewer presses (McCain) a couple times on the point and tries to focus him on the fact that Prime Minister Zapatero isn’t from Mexico and isn’t a drug lord either McCain comes back at her saying, “All I can tell you is that I have a clear record of working with leaders in the Hemisphere that are friends with us and standing up to those who are not. And that’s judged on the basis of the importance of our relationship with Latin America and the entire region.”

Then there’s a moment of awkward pause before she says. “But what about Europe? I’m talking about the President of Spain.”

Maybe Spain has a secret plan to invade the United States — and thank goodness McCain is aware of this plan and is willing to call it out, did you ever think about that? Maybe Zapatero is not only the prime minister of Spain, but also. . . the leader of FARC. Maybe Zapatero is standing right outside your door RIGHT NOW, holding his special Spanish sword and he’s about to chop you into hundreds of little pieces, did you ever think about that?

This proves it! She’s good at talking!

LOL, classic news blooper: Check out 3:07. When she discusses the Mets/Dodgers exhibition game, she totally forgets to mention that she’s going to bill rape victims for their own rape kits. (Someone should add wacky sound effects and submit it to “America’s Most Funniest Home-Fried Videos.”)

Don’t worry I’m
not going to be one of those clever people

Who takes elliptical comments from dumb-ass
politicians and formats them as poems

For a quick LOL chortle
Or am I

— D. Rees

News Alert! Some fancy lady named Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild has decided that Barack Obama is an “elitist” and therefore she’s going to endorse John McCain.

Is this the greatest news factoid of all time?

Answer: YES.

It turns out ol’ Lady Lynn Forester der von Rothschild — who “splits her time time between London and New York” — was a major fundraiser for Hillary Clinton. (For some reason, I suddenly feel overwhelming sympathy for Sen. Clinton.)

After Obama beat Clinton in the Democratic primary, Lady de Rothschild was probably like, “Boo-hoo, my candidate lost, waah waah, nothing ever goes my way! Jeeves, please lower me into my diamond bathtub — which is literally filled with real diamonds — and shampoo my hair with the triple-distilled tears of orphans. Also, I command you to perform a champagne enema on one of my fine Arabian stallions while I liveblog it on my solid gold typepad account. C’est tres magnificique! (sp?)”

In a display of the trenchant policy analysis that has made her famous, Madame Lady Lynn Forest Whittaker de Rothschild von Pooter explained her McCain endorsement by saying of Obama:

“Frankly, I don’t like him.”

(As an Obama supporter, I would humbly request that Ladyboo Lynn de Forester von Chili Con Carne travel around the country, greeting voters and announcing that she doesn’t like Barack Obama. Please don’t forget to wear one of those floofy, flouncey scarves that you can buy at the MoMA store, and also please don’t forget to sneer at everyone. May I also request that you wear all your jewels at once?)

I’m sure Obama will lose a lot of sleep over this. I know he was craving the endorsement. After all, we’re talking about Baroness Lassie Lynn de von Forester d’el der McRothschild von de Beers VIII, the type of lady every American can relate to and wants to be friends with and definitely doesn’t laugh at as soon as she turns her back (to check on her portfolio of private planets she owns).

Maybe now she and Cindy McCain can go shopping together and buy jewels at Cartier and be all like, “Ooh girl, that gem looks so good on your earlobe!” or whatever it is stupid rich old ladies do all day.

“We need a 9/11 commission, and we need a commission to figure out what went wrong and how to fix it.’’ — John McCain, on the banking crisis.

YES. And after the commission meets and figures everything out and explains it to John McCain and he follows all its recommendations. . . they’ll publish a graphic novelization.

Would someone please explain to me why this image is on my hard drive?

Was I planning to buy AON, the hottest new corporation? Did I have a meeting with those two guys hanging out at the desk? Did we talk about golf?

Okay gang, my blog has been live for about 24 hours. In that time, it has shot up to #1 on all the internet blog rankings. Google had to buy 10,000 new servers just to handle the search requests like “hottest new blog is mnftiu” and “mnftiu is hottest new blog.” Technorati just called — they were pissed — because apparently they’ve never seen rankings like my new blog is getting (i.e., ranking #1 with “Extreme extra rankings”). Also, Sun Microsystems offered to buy my blog for $500,000,000,000.

BUT GUESS WHAT? None of that matters to me. All that matters to me. . . is you! My loyal readers. You are the mooses with which I built my mighty moose-burger, which is this blog, which is why America is falling in love with me.

So, here’s my question: Who has checked my blog for updates the most? In the last 24 hours, has anyone checked my blog four times? What about five times? What about two times?

Lemme know. . . you might be headed for the mnftiu Hall of Fame!

Ezra Klein is one of the hottest bloggers on the scene. From what I can tell, he is a 20-year-old guy who is obsessed with health-care policy. Good on him. Also, sometimes he posts recipes for the type of cheap, crappy food twenty-somethings eat before they make millions of dollars as left-wing political cartoonists, like me.

(Of course, this blog will crush him and his blog. [Along with all other blogs.])

But for now, let’s enjoy this cool graph Mr. Klein produced:

(Sarah Palin said Alaska produces 20% of America’s domestic energy supply; it actually produces 3.5% of America’s domestic energy supply.)

LOL, right? The lady doesn’t know what she’s talking about, right? WRONG. Did you ever stop to consider that maybe that 3.5% statistic doesn’t include the INCREDIBLE ENERGY AND VITALITY PRODUCED BY SARAH PALIN HERSELF?!? And that if you factor in that energy, Alaska does indeed produce 20% of America’s domestic energy supply?

Busted! Ezra Klein, it’s past your bedtime. Time to hit the tanning bed; better luck next time.

YOUR BLOG HAS BEEN OFFICIALLY CRUSHED BY MY BLOG.