I grew up in the Episcopal church. (Chapel of the Cross junior choir, represent.) I’m not religious anymore, but there’s nothing more bittersweet than attending service in a church that’s, like, 10% full and 90% senior citizen.

I know, as an atheist I should dream of empty churches on Sunday morning, but actually being in one is a TOTAL BUMMER.

Anyway, forcing a schism because you’re scared of gay marriage is one way to kill your church.

Have fun with the archbishops of Africa, I hear those guys are pretty sane when it comes to gay people.

LOL, what do they know about cluster bombs?

In a surprising last-minute change of policy, the government of President Hamid Karzai of Afghanistan agreed Wednesday to join about 100 nations signing a treaty banning the use of cluster munitions, Afghan officials said.

The decision appeared to reflect Mr. Karzai’s growing independence from the Bush administration, which has opposed the treaty and, according to a senior Afghan official who requested anonymity because of the sensitivity of the issue, had urged Mr. Karzai not to sign it.

My oomph-sasis.

10:30 AM: Defense attorney says his client is innocent . . . breaking . . .

10:31 AM: Judge says, “It’s time to bring the defendant into the courtroom . . . I expect order in the court . . . no yelling . . .”

10:31:30 AM: District Attorney adds: “AND NO LIVE-BLOGGING,” looks at me . . . LOL, somebody reads the hottest blog on the scene . . .

10:32 AM: Defendant to be led into courtroom by the bayleaf . . .

10:33 AM: OMG OMG OMG OMG

10:33:15 AM: OMG

10:34 AM: DEFENDANT IS OSAMA BIN LADEN

10:35 AM: OMG — OBL — WTF

10:35:20 AM: WTF

10:35:22 AM: WTC

10:36 AM: WAR CRIMES TRIAL — TRIAL OF THE CENTURY — I will DEFINITELY get booked on CNN after this . . .

10:38 AM: Courtroom in chaos . . . judge yelling “Order in the court” . . . OBL looking around at everyone . . . OMG he is so freaking tall and weird-looking . . . still smells like a cave, WTF . . . it’s called “Irish Spring,” homeboy, check it out, LOL . . .

MORE SOON . . . DEVELOPING . . . TRIAL OF THE CENTURY . . . BUSH HAS FINALLY BROUGHT BIN LADEN TO JUSTICE . . . THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME . . . GOTTA GIVE IT UP FOR BUSH . . . REPRESENT . . . IT WILL BE MY HONOR TO SERVE ON THIS JURY . . .

To be clear: I am pro-anti-cluster-bomb bluster.

Nations began signing a treaty banning cluster bombs Wednesday in a move that supporters hope will shame the U.S., Russia and China and other non-signers into abandoning weapons blamed for maiming and killing civilians.

Sorry, Barbara Bush and Lady Lynn Forester De Rothschild, but I’m all about Alex Kuczynski.

Hey guys! I know jurors aren’t supposed to talk about their trial, but nobody said they couldn’t LIVE-BLOG it, right?

Am I right or am I right?!?

Live-blogging starts . . . now . . .

10:00 AM: Judge is yelling at us to put away our laptops . . . blah blah . . . nice robes, dude! What are you, the Supreme Court? LOL, another juror laughed at my joke . . .

10:14 AM: Judge has called in the bailliffe (sp), he just dragged another blogger out by the lapels of his laptop . . . very tense in the courtroom . . . order in the court . . .

10:16 AM: Defense attorneys have arrived . . . “we’re going to pick jurors for a very important trial” . . . “could be trial of the century” . . . !!! EXCITING !!! . . . will write more when I know more . . .

Blessings be upon you!!!

I was really looking forward to blogging like crazy this week — kicking things off for the holiday season . . . twenty posts per minute . . . links coming out my ears . . . more LOL’s than you could shake a WTF at . . . but alas, DUTY CALLS —

JURY DUTY!!!

I’ll try my best to get out of it:

JUDGE: Is there any reason you can’t serve on this jury?

MNFTIU: I’m the hottest new blogger on the scene so I must return home to attend to my precious blog OR ELSE THERE WILL BE RIOTING ON THE STREETS!

JUDGE: Go in peace, young man.

MNFTIU: Blessings be upon you!!!

LOL, just kidding, I love jury duty . . . I get to impose my will — or at least, my theories of criminal justice — on my fellow citizens! What a great system! “KILL ‘EM ALL, LET GOD SORT ‘EM OUT,” that’s my philosophy.

“A new kind of Jury Foreman for a new kind of America: David Rees for Jury Foreman, 2008”

A very special episode of GYWO: