If you haven’t noticed, I’m starting an online fundraising appeal to help me buy a laptop so I can blog anywhere, anytime, without notice.

All I have right now is a big desktop computer, and it’s too difficult to lug around from the coffeeshop to the library to the train to the living room, etc.

Whereas, a laptop computer? It’s designed to be portable. That’s the whole point. You can throw it in a bag and hop on a horse and then, next thing you know, you’re blogging from McGillicutty’s Gulch, or wherever.

Don’t you want me to blog from McGillicutty’s Gulch?

YES. Yes, you do. Because what if I’m panning for gold and then I find a big fat nugget? Wouldn’t you prefer if I could immediately whip out my laptop and blog about it, rather than waiting until I gallup all the way home and then hitch my horse and then take a shower and then dry my hair and then turn on my desktop and then wait for it to warm up, then crash, then warm up, then crash, etc. etc. and then by the time I’m ready to blog about “Hey guys, I found some gold nuggets in the gulch today,” them dirty ol’ Coolidge Boys have taken over my claim and now I’m sitting in front of my desktop computer with nothing to blog about like a punk.

Are you starting to see what I’m getting at?

Maybe next week I’ll make a bunch of different levels of donor premiums like NPR does, in case any high-rollin’ readers want to make a big donation to my laptop fund. What would be a good premium? I’ll think about it and get back to you.

In the meantime, please consider donating to my laptop fund!

THANK YOU

Here it is, the final slide from my aborted SXSW presentation! Hold on to your hats!

They always say, “The key to a great presentation is to end with a bang,” and I think this slide does just that!

When I was preparing my presentation, I imagined showing this final slide, and then everyone jumping up in a standing ovation, and then the mayor of Austin handing me the keys to the city, and then the president of eBay giving me a huge gift certificate, and then NYTimes.com asking if they could put me on the cover of their online edition for one week straight, and then the Pentagon asking if I would like to be Deputy Undersecretary of Defense for Extreme PowerPoint Presentations, and then Donald Trump giving me over 500 dollars.

Oh well. NEXT YEAR, SXSW!!!

Guys, in all seriousness, I have struggled with the lifestyle of a freelance internet/cartoon person.

Professional isolation and years of ceaseless sitting-on-ever-widening-ass-while-looking-at-the-internet has had a bad influence on my emotional health.

So this slide was all about how to get healthy!

Read these lessons, live these lessons! Your life will become more interesting!

We’re nearing the end of my “lost” SXSW presentation.

On this slide, I thought I’d list some of my hobbies!

Pretty cool, right? You gotta have your hobbies.

Can you imagine the electric current of zappingly charged murmurs that would have exploded when this slide appeared on a huge screen during the SXSW panel I couldn’t attend because Delta Airlines is trying to keep me from fulfilling my internet dreams?

This project broke my own Interestingness Scale, scoring an amazing NINE RAISED EYEBROWS!!!

And doesn’t that make you so excited, and doesn’t your own excitement make you want to donate some money to help me buy a laptop computer so all our dreams can come true?

THANK YOU

Blah, blah, look at me making fun of Thomas Friedman. This was a little project I started to keep myself entertained. Now I’m “so over” that guy. Two eyebrows.

You know I was gonna drop some RELATIONSHAPES on those Texans!

So here’s the slide about my amazing comic for the Modern Woman. I would’ve given “R-Shapes” a higher Interestingness Rating, except for the fact that the whole thing fell flat on its face and I never could convince Cosmopolitan or Glamour or Elle to publish it, which was my ultimate goal and would have taken its Raised-Eyebrows count into the stratosphere.

Here’s the slide about MDC Team #5, the Afghan deminers to whom all the royalties from the first two GYWO books were donated. That was an interesting experience. It feels like a long time ago, and it makes me sad that Afghanistan is still dangerous and quagmirey. OH WELL, LIKE THE CHINESE CURSE SAYS, “MAY YOU LIVE IN INTERESTING TIMES THAT TOTALLY SUCK.”

“And we’re off!” This is the second slide of my never-to-be-witnessed-thanks-to-the-fascists-at-Delta-Airlines SXSW presentation. I wanted to focus on a few of my “online projects,” and determine how interesting they are — their “Interestingness Factor,” to use a technical term your grandmother never told you about when she was telling you about the internet.

My most famous project was “Get Your War On,” the scathing internet cartoon that stopped Bush’s War on Terror in its tracks and helped usher in seven years of peace and prosperity.

As you can see, I give this project an Interestingness Rating of 3 Raised Eyebrows! Not bad! (This represents the average of GYWO’s early years — when it had a 5-Raised-Eyebrow Interestingness Rating — and its later years, when it did not.)

By the way, if you’d like to see more internet projects from the mind of David Rees, a.k.a. King of the Internet, then please help me fulfill my goal of buying a laptop computer by donating to me a lot of your money!

Okay gang, as promised, below is the first slide of my SXSW presentation. I’ll post the entire presentation over the course of the week. I’m sorry I couldn’t deliver it in person.

The panel I was to participate in was called “Try Making Yourself More Interesting.”

As you can see, I made full use of PowerPoint’s unparalleled design capabilities. I really wanted this first slide to “jump out” at the audience so they would “scream in ecstasy” at what would surely be the “greatest SXSW presentation of all time.”

Next up, another exciting slide!!!