Just sold a bottle of 2009 Madone Beaujolais Nouveau … I was able to recommend it to a customer because I drank some the other night … so fresh and tasty … I think “nouveau” means that the grapes are brand new, like they were just on the vine like three weeks ago … and now they’re all up in some bottle of wine … what will they think of next … let’s do this, let’s sell all the wine … it’s the holidays, we’re poppin’ bottles … “make it rain on ’em…” Man, what if Lil Wayne came in here and bought some wine, how amazing would that be? … guess who’d blog about it? … ME …

The wine shop is open until 8:00 PM tonight … basically it’s gonna be a total rave … just found out from the owner that we’re flying in THE ORB to play a live set … (joke) … but seriously, does anyone remember that band? … they were a big rave band, I think … I saw them in England once, at an outdoor music festival in a field … yes, it’s true, I’ve had  an interesting life … you people think you know me, but you don’t … because did you even know that I used to drive a Volkswagen hatchback in high school, and it didn’t even have a radio? … “pay attention, you might learn something …”

So I invented an amazing sandwich this afternoon at the wine shop: Tuna, kale, tomatillo salsa, and hot sauce … so delicious and refreshing … I made a version for the wine shop owner and SHE LOVED IT … and she even went to the CIA (the food one, not the torture one), so she knows what she’s talking about … and she said “Why don’t you blog about your sandwich?” (she knows about my little blog) … and the rest is history … I made a sandwich and everyone loves it and I’m the greatest of all time …

Jackson Five on the wine store radio … people buying wine … we’re moving bottles … let’s do this …

It’s all about wine … someone just bought a half case … it was my pleasure to give them a 10% discount … “and you can take that to the bank– the WINE bank.”

Somebody just bought two cases of wine … I was like, “Party at your house!” … just kidding, I treat all customers with professionalism and discretion … but seriously, two cases, that’s awesome! I bet he actually is having a party at his house …

Did you know wines have acidity? What’s the world coming to?

Today’s one of the busiest wine days of the year … so you KNOW where I’m at … I’m at the wine shop!!! I’m totally psyched; never worked “The Big Day” before … gonna be busy all day … people need wine to go with their turkeys (b/c of Thanksgiving, the famous holiday) …

 

Take a deep breath, and let’s do this …

Hey guys, it’s time for another PUNCHLINE POLL!

Vote early, vote often! Polls close next Wednesday.

This week’s joke is about Sarah Palin’s book tour. You can read the joke and vote on your favorite punchline here.

Every so often I get an email like this one from reader PR:

OK, I know Heroes is old news, and not very good anyway, but I was watching it on Netflix recently and was struck by how much Sylar looks like you. Anyone ever mentioned that before?

Answer: Yes. Last summer I was hiking in Colorado (actually, eating a sandwich on top of a rock) and a family started gawking at me and asked me if I knew that I “looked like Sylar on ‘Heroes.'” I said yes, because a few months earlier a friend had asked me if anyone had ever asked me if I knew that I looked sorta like Sylar on “Heroes.” I guess the same actor who plays this Sylar character also played Dr. Spock in the recent Star Trek movie, because after that movie came out, people asked me if anyone had ever told me that I looked like the guy who played Spock on “Star Trek” who looks like the guy who plays Sylar on “Heroes.”

Guys, I don’t know anything about “Heroes.” I saw the ads in the subway a few years ago, but that’s all I know. I think it’s about people who were irradiated by 9/11 and gained super powers? And one of the characters, a guy named Sylar, I guess his super power is that he looks kind of like a political cartoonist.