Olympics liveblogging will resume tonight at 9:00 PM EST.

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From reader PM, last night:

Dude. I am sitting in front of a roaring fire in cable-free rural Vermont watching the Olys on my laptop via a slingbox tied into my brother’s TV hundreds of miles away, but without some badass liveblogging, this techno-wonder would be an empty experience. You are the wind beneath my wings.

Thank you! It’s my pleasure to help you soar.

11:35 PM Damn sorry I’m not liveblogging for shit … I’m still on the phone … wish I could liveblog this conversation, it’s good! ANyway, a bunch of dudes have been ice-skating ..

11:14 PM Skeletor’s got some moves … Castle Grayskull must have a good training regimen …

11:12 PM SKELETOR IN THE HOUSE

11:06 PM Now I’m supposed to get excited for some Doogie-Howser-lookin’ motherfucker? After my boy Johnny Weir? DOUBTFUL.

11:05 PM Consider this blogger SEDUCED by Johnny Weir … the kid is HOT … goddamn if I was “that way” I’d be all up in his biz-dee-ness…

11:01 PM Weir’s looking good … his costume is very Gaga-like … not sure what he’s skating to– I muted the music in deference to my friend on the phone … HELLO, LOOK AT THOSE EYES!!! THIS KID HAS STAR-POWER …

11:00 PM Oh snap my friend i”m on the phone with just told me this is JOhnny Weir, and he has a shrine to Lady Gaga in the Olympic village!

10:59 PM Lady Gaga taking the ice …

10:56 PM Damn he looks weird. Does he have amblyopia? (I worked for an eye doctor, I know these things.)

10:55 PM Here we go: That Canadian kid I told you about … Patrick Chan … Canada’s gold-medal hope … crowd is pumped … violin music coming on strong … here come the jmps … goofed on the triple axle… next two jumps look okay … now he’s running around like a madman on the ice … spinning … arms flailing around … looks like he’s being chased by an ex-lover’s ghost … emotions, passion …

10:49 PM My friend called me to tell me to get off the phone with my other friend and get back to live-blogging .. now I know why … Olympics gettin’ MAD COUNTRY & WESTERN …

10:48 PM Just hung up on my friend — this ice-skater is representing in OVERALLS … fucking A! Harmonica music??? Goddamn, the Olympics rocuel

10:43 PM Taking a quick break … received a phone call … must talk on the phone to my interlocutor …

10:42 PM We need a big jump from this kid … where are the jumps, dude? OH SHIT SPIN ALERT … goddamn he was spinning like a “moh-feh.” “All three members of the Japanese team just threw it down …” One thing I love about this routine? ONE SONG. None of this medley bullshit …

10:41 PM I am feeling this kid. I just wish we could hear Hendrix singing the song, not this instrumental version, but whatevs… I always liked this song … by the way, is it just me, or was Jimi Hendrix an awesome guitar player?

10:40 PM AXIS BOLD AS LOVE FTW

10:39 PM Takahiko Kozuka on the ice … LOL, looking pretty old … NOT, he’s like 11 years old … OH FUCK YEAH MALE ORGASM ALERT– JIMI HENDRIX SONG …

10:39 PM JOubert got a 68.00 … guys, that’s bad … he’s out of the running, even I know that.

10:37 PM Liveblog Editorial Comment: I really, really wish Cyndi Lauper wasn’t appearing on Celebrity Apprentice.

10:36 PM Joubert is NOT HAPPY … “it fell apart” … “disastrous short program” … “painful to watch” … goddamn, these commentators are brutal!

10:33 PM Next skater: Brian Joubert … gack, they’re talking about how one of his skates punctured his ankle or something? “Almost to the bone …” Say what? If that happened to me you wouldn’t find me within 4 miles of an ice-skate … I’m not trying to put deadly weapons on my feet … cool music! What is this? It sounds nice … oof, he biffed the quarduple toe jump … now he’s gotta do the triple lutz (the one that almost murdered his foot) … oh shit the music is getting techno … we’re bangin’ now … OUCH BIG FALL … buzz kill … God now I”m crushingly depressed …

10:29 PM I’m gonna type something where you’re gonna think I’m joking, but I’m not: That Subway jingle about “5-dollar foot-long” has an interesting chord change in it.

10:29 PM How are we feeling about this Matt Damon Iraq movie? Are we excited? Wary?

10:27 PM “Keeping things fun also keeps the mind of the pressure” … remember that, guys … OH I GET IT: Canada has never won the figure-skating gold, and this kid is their big chance … oh man, if he wins Gold? Canada will go buck-wild … (if it’s possible for Canada to go buck-wild, that is …) Oh and by the way, Rush sucks …

10:25 PM Oh man, here’s the polar-bear lady again … Nature Channel mode … no, wait: SHe’s talking about 19-yo figure skater from Canada … his name? Patrick Chan. / Chen? Not sure … he’s got some old-timey coach named Osborne Colson (sp) … “lower, lower, faster, quicker” (that’s what the coach is saying on the tape) … wait, now the coach is dead … but his lessons continue BEYOND THE GRAVE … not sure what I think about this kid … Whoa, he’s doing some cutting-edge training, though … that was some funky PIlates they just showed …

10:24 PM Argghh “Migraine” Freeman is back … thought we wouldn’t be hearing from him tonight …

10:22 PM “What kind of medal do you win at the Winter Olympics?” “A COLD medal.” (Free joke from your liveblogger)

10:19 PM Women’s snowcrossboard for the gold … Swiss lady in the lead … damn she’s smokin’ … big jump, big jump …. wait who’s in the lead? CRASH CRASH ALERT … Canadian in the lead … for the gold … one last jump … crowd going BUCK … Canada’s first gold in snowboardcross!!!!

10:18 PM Hey, here’s an interesting commercial from America’s oil and natural gas industry … seems the future of energy lies in fossil fuels … good to know!

10:16 PM Cute commercial from Turbo Tax. <-----------GOD I LOVE WRITING SHIT LIKE THAT 10:14 PM Hmm, a commercial break .. .that’s unusual…

10:13 PM Okay, here comes the score for Oda aka SHarkboy aka “SOn of the warlord” … my prediction: 83.00 — he got 84.85! Temporarily in third place …

10:09 PM Wow, so much drama from Oda! I thought he did good … “Skated as well as he can …” “Doesn’t have the size and impact …” But remember this is just the short program … the long program is a whole different program …

10:08 PM Do you think ice-skating music would be good to make love to? Hmm.

10:07 PM He’s dominating right now … he’s wearing gloves, which looks really cool, donchaknow … now THAT was a funky-ass spin … what was that? OH HELL YEAH! “ROCK ME LIKE A HURRICANE!!!” Oh shit, false alarm … thought he was about to dance to the Scorpions …

10:05 PM Next up, Nobunari Oda … looking fierce … he reminds me of a shark … goddamn he’s a descendant of a Japanese warlord … that’s what they just said … okay, show us what you got … KILLED the triple axle … damn this kid can jump … he is a truly a warlord — “of the ice” … he’s got a full-on ice kingdom going right now

10:03 PM We’re waiting on the judge’s scores for “Spinderella.” Time for some commercials: This one is about a pharmaceutical, I guarantee it–whoa actually it’s for Diet Coke supporting breast cancer or something … OKAY now we’re waiting Stephane Lambiel’s scores … man he looks really happy and relaxed … I would like to be friends with him … judges say — 84.63. Oof. He doesn’t look happy … but it’s a personal best and he’s in third place …

10:02 PM Nice spin-move! Weird yet pretty. Here comes the footwork sequence … “insane,” per the announcer (Scott Hamilton?) … it’s the Lone Ranger music! Oh shit, cowboy time up in here! He’s dancing and prancing … “considered the best spinner in this competition …” true, he’s spinning like a “meh-feh.” Still spinning … spinning … even more spinning … OH SHIT HE JUST SPUN THE SHIT OUT OF THAT SPIN

10:00 PM Gave up 4.7 base points b/c he didn’t do a triple axel … he goofed the quad-toe, just lost more points … he looks good though … he’s dancing on the ice … WHOA THAT WAS a funky move …

9:59 PM Okay, time for another figure-skater … A Swiss guy … the flag-bearer of the Swiss Olympic team … wearing kind of a steam-punk outfit … this must be the BoingBoing Olympics … his name is Lambiel … okay here we go “His costume looks overpowering … burdensome …”

9:58 PM Again with the Canadians trying to trick me into visiting Canada …

9:55 PM Documentary about famous snowboarder Shawn White … he built his own private half-pipe on the side of a mountain so he can practice in secret … ARGGHH the class-warrior in me must root against him…

9:52 PM Commentator on snowboarders: “It’s not enough to be good. You gotta be cool, too.” Words to live by.

9:50 PM Awaiting the scores for Takahashi (the emo guy who just killed it) … here we go … some kind of delay … OH shit, 90.25!!! “It’s on!” We got an ice-skating contest on our hands!!!

9:48 PM HELL yes! “Welcome back! WOw! Thta was done with such personality …” The other commentator: “That was HOT!” No argument here, we’re knee-deep in the hoopla right about now …

9:47 PM This Japanese emo kid is CRUSHING … THE OLYMPICS ARE BACK!!!

9:45 PM OH FUCK YEAH WE AT THE OLYMPICS NOW, BABY “Beautiful triple axle” hell yeah, analyze these jumps!

9:44 PM Ice skating rules. WHen you see some dude skating around wearing a freaky sparkling outfit, you’re like “It’s Olympics time.”

9:43 PM OKAY, HERE WE GO Men’s figure skating. THis Japanese skater has emo hair!!! Is this the first emo-hair-olympics? EMOLYMPICS …

9:42 PM Here’s what’s going on in my house: Last night’s leftover popcorn with smushed up tortilla chips and lime and hot sauce … INTO THE UNKNOWN …

9:37 PM Man I need to drink a beer about this.

9:37 PM Whoa whoa whoa Bob Costas– no pocket square??? WTF WORST NIGHT OF OLYMPICS EVER … dontchanow …

9:36 PM I’m kinda bummed for Jacobellus … those post-race interviews will be brutal … “What went wrong for Lindsay Jacobellus…” replay now … she landed wrong or something … over-corrected … dude she’s BUMMED … her dad is bummed … “no chance to silence the critics and fans alike …”

9:33 PM Guess what? Jacobellus just completely flamed out!!! WHOA she went off the course … “I”m still in shock” … she’s gotta be hating life right now … this was her chance to avenge herself … OMG she’s bummin’ …

9:31 PM Actually I’m kinda feeling the blue lines on the snow on the snowboardcross track … reminds me of TRON … did any of you guys see that movie, it was great … that was one of my favorite video games, too … that joystick was glowing and see-through like a “muh-fuh.” Some lady just won another snowcrossboard race contest, btw …

9:30 PM More snowboard-cross racing … I wish I had that special kind of satellite dish where you can watch every single thing at the Olympics, I would be all over some ice-dancing right now…

9:27 PM If any of my readers are at the Olympics right now reading these posts on their RSS feed, could they please go to the snowboarding track and hold up a sign that says “http://www.mnftiu.cc rules” when the camera sweeps by? Thanks …

9:26 PM This commercial has a gorilla in a car talking about annuities or some such shit I can’t even understand …

9:25 PM A show where marriages in crisis are analyzed by Jerry Seinfeld??? “What will they think of next?”

9:23 PM “Play smart, play fast …” snowboard koan from the announcer … Jacobellus is burnin’ … the snow is all like “Swoosh, swoosh,” here we go, huge jump … last turn … she won the race! Advances to the next round …

9:22 PM Her outfit is psychedlic … very “BOb-COstas pocket-square” … riders ready … GO!!! … they’re off … Jacobellus in the lead … somebody fell …

9:21 PM Oh shit this is important! The woman who screwed up last time doing a triple hangie-louie (or whatever) is back for the gold!!!! Her name is Lindsey Jacobellus … expect hardcore liveblogging … NOW…

9:20 PM Cool, the guy in the GEICO commercial looks like me! (Liveblogging at its finest … get pumped …)

9:18 PM Just FYI, we’re resetting the soul-patch count for tonight’s liveblog. Current tally: 0 (Women’s snowboarding, dontchaknow…) (Is that how you spell dontchaknow? Dontyaknow? Huh? I’m gonna crack that nut, figure out how to spell it, and then use it all night …)

9:17 PM BestBuy makes computers???

9:16 PM Seriously, with the snowboard cross, guys? With these blue lines spraypainted all over the snow? The crowd hooting and hollering like savages? Why can’t the Olympics just be figure skating? I don’t like events that look like Xbox commercials. “Editorial content provided by your blogger …”

9:14 PM Whoa, Gabrielle Union is really pretty! Now I’m watching all these Canadian celebrities try to convince me to visit British Culumbia (sp) whatever that is … some kind of island colony or something …

9:12 PM By the way, tonight I’ve traded wine for stout. Expect a darker, more brooding intensity to my blog posts …

9:11 PM WHAT’D I MISS??? SOME SNOW???

9:08 PM Okay, gimme a minute to go grab my bowl of rice and beans.

9:07 PM WTF, another Omega watches ad? … “Some say time is an illusion …” I think we’re in for a night of some deep-ass metaphysical ads about wristwatches …

9:05 PM Cool ad from Omega watches … understated, elegant … just like my blog …

9:03 PM Damn, one of these ladies is wearing a total motorcycle helmet! It looks bad-ass! Why don’t figure skaters wear motorcycle helmets, they certainly crash enough … Am I right or what people … we’re doing this … liveblogging …

9:02 PM: Let’s do this. More snowboarding tonight … looks like women this time … goddamn snowboard cross AGAIN???

I’ll be live-blogging the Olympics again tonight (unless they’re already over). Things pop off starting around 9:00 PM EST…

BREAKING NEWS … someone please donate some PayPal money so I can go buy a bottle of wine for tonight’s wine-blogging. You will get a full shout-out during the blogging …

Thanks!

Reader RS chimes in from the great wintry wilds of Brazil:

cheers from sao paulo, brasil!

loving the live-blogging of vancouver games, plz keep it up. i’m watching here (there are five brasilians in these olympics) and thankfully there are few commercials . . . but sadly no bob costas, and therefore, no pocket square…your description has me googling an image to satisfy this curiousity…it must be good, i feel it.

Umm, yeah, you could say that! By the end of the night, I was laughing out loud (or, “LOL”ing) every time they cut back to Bob Costas and his pocket square.

From longtime reader MR comes this heartfelt appreciation of what an awesome job I did last night when I basically live-blogged the Olympics into the ground:

I haven’t had a television since I was nineteen years old, so as you can imagine it’s been a long time since I watched the Olympics. Now, thanks to you, I feel I have watched them all–all those lost glorious years returned to me through the magic of wine blogging. I just really appreciate it. I love America now.

It was my pleasure. Not sure if I’ll be able to blog tonight; it depends on multiple factors beyond my control. I would suggest checking back in around 9:00 PM EST.

The verdict is clear: After 3+ hours of frenzied wine-blogging, mnftiu.cc became America’s best source of real-time Olympic news and analysis. I’m gonna go buy a pocket square.

Also, my head hurts.

11:56 PM “The Russian streak is over.” China on the rise.

11:48 PM Has it really been 3+ hours of blogging? I’m getting tired. I’m more tired than an ice-skater on a downhill luge with fifty snowflakes flying out of their butt.

11:43 PM I think we’re gonna see some Chinese people on the podium tonight. THey did good.

11:42 PM Finally! SOmeone got thrown in the air and spun around and didn’t fall down. Feels good. These two are rippin’ the ice to shreds. Shit is about get melted into water, son.

11:40 PM Are you kidding me with how far that guy just threw that girl up in the air when they were on ice skates?

11:36 PM Mr. Brown Trousers did pretty well … damn, bro, talk about your “buns of steel” … the cameraman just got an eyeful …

11:34 PM Yulia Tymoshenko

11:33 PM Mad upside-down shit goin’ on right now … the woman’s hair reminds me of that one lady from Ukraine … you know who I’m talking about? The Princess Leia blonde woman?

11:32 PM Figure-skater-wearing-brown-trousers alert …

11:27 PM Strong finish by the RUssians, but still … “Fine line between wanting it and wanting it too much …” Maybe that will be the Russians’ downfall? “Surprisingly disappointing performance”– just like this live-blog, NOT!!!

11:23 PM The Russians are looking solid … good leg extension … he’s dragging her around by the leg … now they’re smiling … she skates for Russia but she was born in Japan … for her, skating comes first … audience is clapping along, in the spirit of the moment … ACK SHE BUSTED FLAT ON HER ASS … OMG now he’s holding her upside-down!!! “Not prepared for a performance like this at all” … maybe they got in over their heads?

11:21 PM Here they come: The RUssians. Can anyone stop them? They’re in the #1 position right now … they will skate last … WAIT … they’re skating NOW … repeat … Russains skating NOW …

11:19 PM Costas going DEEP on the figure-skating analysis … of course, my attention is fixated on a certain pocket square … why does it make me laugh so much? I dunno, but I like it … goddamn what is this guy talking about, I can’t even focus on ice-skating analysis anymore … He’s like, “In pair skating, two must skate as one…” What is this, Kung-Fu For The Chicken Soup of the Soul? Am I right or what people …

11:16 PM Did I just watch a commercial about a special faucet that you can turn on with … your hands? Huh??? And now here’s goddamn Morgan “Migraine” Freeman going on about VISA once again … ENOUGH …

11:13 PM Watching a mini-documentary about this American snowboard woman who lost the gold medal last time b/c she tried to do a front-side ollie or whatever (some kind of trick like in Thrasher magazine) and she busted on her ass and came in second … now she’s back and ready for GOLD … we wish her peace and all blessings in her quest …

11:08 PM Of course he has a soul patch. That brings the count to 5.

11:08 PM “Back-to-back golds for Seth Wescott.”

11:07 PM Guys, seriously, snowboarding is jammin’. I didn’t know you could pass a guy while snowboarding.

11:07 PM ALL OF A SUDDEN I’M TOTALLY INTO SNOWBOARDING!!!

11:06 PM OH SHIT YOU’RE FUCKING KIDDING ME HE WON THE GOLD MEDAL IN HIS BLUE JEANS!!!

11:05 PM This American guy Seth Wescott (sp) is about to maybe win back-to-back golds in snowboard-related program activities … let’s see what happens … it’s for the medal, now … snowboard cross or whatever the hell it’s called … uh-oh, Wescott in fourth … Nate HOlland is DOWN … no chance for a medal … Seth Wescott passes the French guy … go Wescott … comin’ up … oh shit, Wescott is burning … OH FUCK OH SHIT

11:01 PM Whoa… they showed a little teaser about Russian figure skating that was so intense I got a little scared … can anyone stop the Russians?