Although 2016 has been one of the most dispiriting, disorienting, and disgusting years in modern history, there has been one bright spot: The knowledge that my year-end lists are coming. At first, I was so disgusted with this year I thought I wouldn’t make my lists. But then, I used my intelligence to determine that my lists have never been needed more.
They say it’s always darkest before dawn, which means my lists will be the bright new dawn. (Because it’s so dark right now it’s insane.) DO NOT DESPAIR. These lists will be the greatest lists we have ever seen — in fact, some say they will be the greatest lists ever conceived by humanity — and so I will share them with you so that you will remember not to give up hope, and that some things are worth fighting for: My lists.
My lists will begin soon.
a.k.a. “The King of Lists, Now and Forever”