IN SOME WAYS, 2013 WAS NO DIFFERENT THAN ANY OTHER YEAR: When we reached for our documents, they were right where we left them … under our turtle paperweights. As the commercial used to say: “You love turtles! You love paperweights! Do the math!!!”

Need we say more? No. In that case, take a deep breath and “fasten your paperweights,” because we’re about to take a high-speed whirlwind of a joyride through 2013’s greatest turtle paperweights.

Ladies and gentlemen, here are the TOP TEN TURTLE PAPERWEIGHTS OF 2013:

10. Classic turtle paperweights

9. Unusual turtle paperweights

8. Beloved family turtle paperweights

7. Sports-themed turtle paperweights (i.e. Super Bowl turtle paperweights, NCAA turtle paperweights)

6. Glass turtle paperweights

5. Multi-turtle turtle paperweights, in which an entire family (or group) of turtles is represented, rather than an individual turtle

4. (TIE) “Yo dude, I dig your new turtle paperweight, you gotta tell me where you bought it, it’s drivin’ me crazy” / Hall-of-Fame turtle paperweights

3. Some of the nicest turtle paperweights

2. America’s favorite turtle paperweights

1. World’s greatest turtle paperweights