Olympics Live-Blogging Part II

9:14 PM Wait a minute: Is this all pre-recorded? Am I live-blogging a bunch of pre-recorded stuff? I thought this was live!!!

9:13 PM Goddamn, NBC just flashed so much figure-skating data on the screen, my head started hurting.

9:12 PM Thank god, figure skating. This is what I was waiting for.

9:10 PM Oh snap, Bob Costas just called out his outfit and his guest’s outfit! “We look like the glee club at a boarding school,” oh shit, he must be reading my live-blog … much love to you BOb Costas you always look great!

9:09 PM You gotta be kidding me, they’re doing a special report about tight finishes in the Olypmics, about how things are measured in 1/100ths of a second? WHo cares, man? “If you can’t measure it with a sundial, it’s bullshit,” that’s what I say … I think everyone who finishes within 10 seconds of each other should be considered a tie … Yeah, I said it: PUT ME IN CHARGE OF THE OLYMPICS

9:07 PM Bob Costas is back … sitting at a desk this time … talking to some guy with wrinkles … he’s wearing a blazer with a vest … I like that style, actually. AND a tie. Very preppy look, but it works for this guy. Bob Costas’ pocket square is still jammin’ so hard …


9:05 PM Not feeling this new Gilmore Girls rip-off starring Lauren Graham (sp) from original G.G. …

9:03 PM Winter Olympics Soul-Patch Count: 3

9:02 PM Okay, this is the third Snowboard Cross race event in a row. I’m getting bored. (Or should I say, “board,” given that the event features boards?)

9:01 PM That Lou Reed commercial again! What in the world?

9:00 PM “How do you stop a killer who’s still in jail?” A thought-provoking question from a movie commercial I just saw.

8:59 PM They’ve got Morgan Freeman recounting classic Olympics moments, but his voice is such a cliche now, I can’t get excited. Plus he’s doing it for VISA, an evil financial-services company … THUMBS DOWN, MORGAN FREEMAN.

8:58 PM Oh shit they’re doing more Snowboard Cross racing! Helmet cam, are you kidding me? Will wonders never cease. I think the Russian is winning … okay they all just made a jump … this is like the quarterfinals or something, ANOTHER WIPE-OUT??? No, he recovered– thanks to his snowboard. Goddamn some dude just flew through the air like a maniac on his snowboard … photo finish … “too close to call” … people are yelling and cheering … first place goes to … waiting … waiting … where are the results … come on … who won the snowboard race? … waiting … “barely a quarter of a board-length…” the Austrians won the race … “an explosive semi-final!”

8:55 PM Winter Olympics Soul-Patch Count so far: 2.

8:54 PM I thought this was called Snowboard, but it’s called “Snowboard Cross.” OMG it’s like a snowboard race with multiple dudes going all at the same time! … SOMEBODY FELL … our thoughts are with his feet and ankles … the snowboarders are flying through the air … one guy is way out front … I think he’s American … I get it: It’s like surfing, but with snow. I understand. Okay, two Americans were eliminated but two will advance in this event.

8:53 PM Whoa, they just put some statistics in an ice cube!

8:52 PM SNowboarding! This should be good … a hot new sport … I’ve never watched it before …

8:50 PM Why is California making a commercial about itself? Nobody’s trying to move to your broke-ass state that’s always on fire.