“Hey dude, congratulations on the band! I heard you guys opened for the Decemberists and played Bonnaroo and signed with Matador!”
“Ugh. We totally broke up. I realized there’s no point in trying to make music.”
“I was watching Friday Face-Offs, and there was this video of some band called Rubberband 101 doing a version of ‘Umbrella,’ and while I was watching it I realized I was the biggest, most pathetic poser of all time. I can’t rock. I know nothing about rock. Those dudes shamed me with their rock.”
“Any particular moment when you realized that Rubberband 101 was operating on a higher plane than 99% of all other bands?”
“Well. . . you could say that the Elvis Costello move (1:55 – 2:05) kinda destroyed my sense of self and made me feel about one inch tall.”
“Can I tell you something that might make your head explode?”
“That video you watched? That’s not even Rubberband 101’s best version of ‘Umbrella.'”
I’M SORRY DID YOU THINK THERE WERE OTHER ROCK BANDS ON THIS PLANET BESIDES RUBBERBAND 101? BECAUSE I THINK YOU ARE MISTAKEN. BECAUSE WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THESE VIDEOS IS SOMETHING KNOWN AS “MAKING SOME ROCK HAPPEN.” CHECK OUT 1:40, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ALL OF A SUDDEN LIGHTNING BOLT SOUNDS LIKE ESQUIVEL.
FRIDAY FACE-OFFS!!! We have a winner!!!
Rubberband 101! Putting all other bands on notice!!!
FRIDAY FACE-OFFS!!! NOW YOU KNOW!!!
Have a great weekend. I hope you spend it working for the presidential campaign of your choice. See you Monday . . .