Oh man, I almost got so busted! The UPS guy just showed up with a package while I was blasting “The Evil That Men Do” (famous Iron Maiden song) on my laptop. Fortunately this MacBook (bought with donor funds, thank you once again I love you all) features a MUTE button, which I was able to hit just in time …

Wine Store Mondays, you don’t stop …

Oh boy, check this out. “Me want.”

QUESTION: What wine would you pair this with? My initial thought was to pair it with a Pinot Blanc(?), one of those see-through white wines, since the record is see-through.

But on the other hand, dropping the needle on this LP is gonna be a heavy, exciting experience. A special occasion. So maybe I’d go with a lush, medium-bodied bottle, like maybe Domaine Henri Boillot’s Clos du Roi 2005, a 90-point Pinot Noir ($94.99). Sure it’s almost a hundred bucks, but in this scenario I’ve just spent $1,000 on a record, so I’m like “Run up that Visa bill, it’s party time.”

Besides, this bottle “generous and balanced,” according to some metalhead named Allen Meadows, so it’s gonna be worth the money …

Anyway, I would really appreciate it if one of my readers would buy this $1,000 Iron Maiden record and then invite me over to listen to it with them on a high-end stereo system. Thanks.

Classic Iron Maiden riffage. (Seriously, I think I’m getting into Iron Maiden for real: “You take my life but I’ll take yours too”? How does that even work?)

I could see pairing this song with a nice, full-bodied Malbec … maybe Gozzo’s 2007 organic vintage ($14.99). From the wine-store owner’s description: “(This wine) will go with just about anything hearty, from braised sauteed pork chops to braised beef …” to a classic Iron Maiden jam called The Trooper!!!

Come on by the wine store, let’s make this happen.

By the way, all is quiet on the wine store front right now. Listening to some Nick Drake over the store’s stereo system. Later I’ll unpack some cases and organize the new bottles. Getting psyched for that …

Maybe I’ll bake some bread later this afternoon, in anticipation of Iron Maiden fan MH‘s visit, where he tries to get me to admit that he’s been right about Iron Maiden for 20 years, ever since he had that “Live After Death” cassette that he used to listen to all the time while I was listening to Schoolly D.

Anyway, I’ve got over 100 bottles of wine for sale … come and get ’em … I think there’s even some wine here from 2001. (In wine, though, that’s okay, because sometimes wine takes a while to reach its full potential … just like all of us! Wine metaphors, better recognize!)

“Up The Irons” is a phrase I saw a lot during my 30 seconds of Iron Maiden research last week. What does it mean? I thought it had something to do with the heavy-metal devil-horn thing people do with their hands. Turns out it has to do with SOCCER, of course:

Iron Maiden frequently use the slogan “Up the Irons” in their disc liner notes, and the phrase can also be seen on several t-shirts officially licensed by the band. “The Irons” has been used to refer to the London football club, West Ham United, of which founder Steve Harris is a fan. Fans of Iron Maiden have been known to use the phrase as a greeting or sign-off to other Iron Maiden fans.

Why are British people so crazy, with their soccer and pints of beer and chanting and whatnot? This is how I knew not to be honestly scared of Iron Maiden when I was a kid, in spite of their scary album art: Because if they really were devil-worshipping sadists, would they really mention lager and soccer in their liner notes, and give everyone fifty nicknames?

Okay guys, let’s get into it. Here’s the Wikipedia entry on Iron Maiden. We’ll crowd-source the analysis; let me know if you find anything interesting.

WE LEARN TOGETHER SO THAT WE MAY ROCK TOGETHER.

I am inside the shop … I turned on all the lights and opened the register … I’m ready to sell you some wine. Burgundy, Merlot, or Pinot Gris, all are sitting here waiting for you …

WELCOME TO WINE STORE MONDAY.

Guys, this is one of the most incredible emails I’ve ever received. I simply must share it with you. Old friend and sometimes reader MH graced my inbox with his presence … chastising me for once again being late to the Iron Maiden party …

dude this is your best friend calling. Via internet. I was reading your blog for once, (love it! –ed.) and–have I NOT BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU SINCE 8TH FREAKIN GRADE that Iron Maiden is the best band ever?? I’m coming up there to that wine store on Monday so you can live-twitterwineblog about me telling you yet again, two decades later, that Iron Maiden is the best band ever and I, and I alone, along with VH1, deserve the credit for you knowing this.

Monday is shaping up to be a true red-letter off-the-hook banger. Iron Maiden + Wine Store + best friend who’s been trying to get me into Iron Maiden since 1986? Are you kidding? They might have to slow down the earth’s rotation just so we have enough time to process everything that’s about to get set off on Monday.

I just hope MH remembers to bring that “Live After Death” cassette he’s been rocking since the Reagan administration …

Monday can’t come soon enough!!!

Breaking my own embargo … get ready for a big week on Monday … up the irons …

People are already chiming in about the MNFTIU Iron Maiden Week rumors …

Reader JT imagines a full-on investigative project:

I would like to go on record fully supporting further journalistic investigation of the type that only you are capable of into all things Iron Maiden.

I think we can all agree that I would bring home about 50 journalism awards if I went into all-out investigative mode re: Iron Maiden.

Reader DS accidentally gets his mind blown:

So I read mnftiu via Google Reader rss feed along with other such notable blogs as the “Roger Ebert’s Journal,” wherein Roger Ebert is presently holding it down at the Toronto Film Festival, and while reading your Iron Maiden post I became momentarily disoriented and wound up believing that I was reading a Roger Ebert post about how much Iron Maiden is still rocking hard and how much of a Maiden superfan Roger Ebert is about to become.

LOL DID MNFTIU MAIDEN WEEK JUST BLOW MY MIND VERY MUCH BEFORE EVEN OFFICIALLY SETTING IT OFF????

Thank you, DS, for inspiring my latest fantasy New Yorker Festival panel: David Rees in conversation with Roger Ebert: “What We Talk About When We Talk About Iron Maiden.” Let’s make it happen.

My promise to you: I am going to win the first Iron-Maiden-related Pulitzer Prize.