Just carded my first customer … the rush was incredible … just think, I might have prevented a CRIME FROM HAPPENING.
Fortunately for the wheels of justice, which, ever-turning, bend the flaming chariot of history towards Valhalla, the customer was old enough to buy wine. And so guess what I did? LOL, that’s right, I sold the ’em some wine!
“Virtue is its own reward … but wine doesn’t hurt either.” (New motto for the police? I will call and find out.)
Come and get that wine … three back-to-back sales … my fingers are burning up the cash register buttons … “Bottle of Chardonnay? You got it. Take this one. BUY IT.” “Your wish is my command, Mr. Wine-Store Helper.” And bingo-bango, another sale for the history books!
Urlshorteningervicefortwitter.com is on the hunt, and the bodies are piling up. Reader JKK alerts us to the demise of another URL shortening service:
I think you just crushed one of your url shortening service competitors. Cli.gs is shutting down its service.
But is there really any question as to why they couldn’t make the cut? WTF is a “cli.gs”? As if that doesn’t make anyone but the most elite software architects spin in their seats. I don’t know what an RSS feed is yet I’m also supposed what a cli.gs is? …
Keep up the fight.
One down, hundreds to go! Bit.ly, you better start sleeping with one eye open …
LET’S GET SHORT.
Guess who’s back in the wine store? Yes, it’s true, I’m here.
Reds and whites, come and get ’em. I’ll sell any wine in the store, that’s my promise to you. I’ve been working on my customer-service skills … I even saved an in-flight magazine from Delta (yes, I flew on a plane last week, I’m that rich) that had an article about different wine regions of the world. Did you know they grow wine in Australia? Crazy times.
Anyway, good morning to one and all! “It’s time for wine.”
I got carried away with “live-blog fever” last night. I apologize. From a reader:
whoa – I think yr supposed to say ‘spoiler alert’ before you get that detailed in yr live blogging …
You’re right and I hope I didn’t spoil last night’s episode (or was it a rerun? Couldn’t tell, there was too much food everywhere) for anyone.
They’re messing around with some food … the one lady is saying something about ingredients … one of the guys is wearing a hat and talking to the camera …
It’s swine flu season, and JR asks an important question:
I’m taking a take home epidemiology exam, and question 9 asks “discuss how Twitter reduces the potential for a pandemic.”
Is there some way your new service could help with this?
Happy to oblige, JR. In the event of a pandemic, apply twitter directly to your respiratory system. Make sure all your twitter links are created with urlshorteningservicefortwitter.com, or else your lungs will panic when they see bit.ly and tr.im and is.gd links tumbling down your trachea like exploded spelling bees. Keep calm, drink plenty of red wine. The end.
Your grade on your home epidemiology exam is now: 100% A+. You are officially a doctor!
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Reader JF writes:
This is the cover of an audiobook called “Server Down”, but I think it could be put to better use illustrating the dangers of using anything but urlshorteningservicefortwitter.com when sharing links with a senior citizen:
“Hey, Grandma, did you ever get the recipe for razzleberry pie I tweeted at you?”
“No, dear, no I didn’t. I guess… the server was down…”
Of course, the server wasn’t down, but she interpreted the bizarre jumble of letters and numbers and dots and whatnot provided by a conventional shortening service as an error, because it was incoherent.
Exactly. You can’t tell me this doesn’t look like the result of an exploded server:
“Say what? A bunch of wet, greasy squirrels are nesting inside the computer server and now it’s spitting out random-looking sequences of characters?”
On the other hand, check this out:
http://urlshorteningservicefortwitter.com/x0qzh
“Ah, an internet link! I simply must click on it!”
Game. Set. Match.
Let’s get short!
Don’t forget.
People have asked if I’m doing any URL-shortening jokes. Alas, no. I’m doing lottery-related jokes.
Reader JT thinks we’re making fun of senior citizens:
Now sonny I am getting complaints from the elders like myself who I “hipped” to your site a while back, saying that you are “dissing” us…. So can you lay off the hate just a while now until we all pass, or at least type in high frequency fonts so we can’t hear it.
THIS IS NOT A JOKE! Urlshorteningservicefortwitter.com is a fully functional URL shortening service. If you don’t believe me, click here. My webmaster made it using “PHP” code or something, I don’t understand how exactly, but it works!
Believe me, “Old people don’t understand the internet” is the lamest kind of humor, a full 3 steps below “White people do stuff like n and black people do those same things like n-prime (where n = “this” and n-prime = “that”).
We’re not trying to make you laugh, or chuckle, or chortle. We’re trying to provide you with a URL shortening service for twitter that works … that makes intuitive sense … whose URL isn’t trying to be all intimidating and esoteric like other such service (cough, cough bit.ly … cough, cough is.gd)…
If you think this whole thing is a big joke, how do you explain that we already have 120 followers on twitter??? THINK ABOUT IT. Then shorten some URLs!!!
“Let’s get short!”