FFO: WEEK 3

Friday Face-Offs: Fortunate Son — WINNER!!!

Congratulations, all other rock bands throughout history. You have just been destroyed.

“I believe the children are our future /
Teach them well and let them lead the way”

–Whitney Houston

(PS: Yes, he is singing the chorus in the affirmative, i.e. exactly wrong, i.e. exactly right.)

FRIDAY FACE-OFFS! WE WIN AGAIN!!!

Have a great weekend! If you live in Wilkes-Barre, PA, look for me knocking on your door.

Friday Face-Offs: Fortunate Son – 2nd Place

I know I’ll get angry emails saying this doesn’t deserve 2nd Place:

Whatever. You think I’m gonna apologize for being mesmerized? I never apologize! AND THIS BLOG NEVER APOLOGIZES!!! I’ve made my decision, you deal with it!!!

Here’s how I feel about this video:

And her smile. By the end, when she clearly knew she was doing well, it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America. This is a quality that can’t be learned; it’s either something you have or you don’t, and man, she’s got it.

LOL, actually that’s Rich Lowry talking about Sarah Palin, LOL times ten million!

PLEASE let this lady get in a room with Sarah Palin! Would this lady get very imperious and wave her head around and pull out that spoon and make Sarah Palin look about four inches tall? Answer: YES.

FRIDAY FACE-OFFS! WINNING VIDEO IS NEXT!!! (WARNING: IT’S A DESTROYER.)

Friday Face-Offs: Fortunate Son – 3rd Place

User’s description of video: “This song is very common in vietnam war movies so i decieded to play it on the bass”

My description of video: “The guy’s username is ‘lynyrdskynyrdgod2112.’ How are you NOT watching this?”

Okay, something beautiful about this video: Mike Watt (who, as we all know, recorded the greatest version of “Fortunate Son” ever, which is not at the top of today’s FFO only because I have recused the Minutemen from FFO competition, lest they win every week, even for songs they never recorded) learned to play bass by plucking along to “Down on the Corner” by Creedence Clearwater Revival. And you know what? When Mike Watt first started playing bass, it probably sounded a little like lynyrdskynyrdgod2112.

So all we can say to lynyrdskynyrdgod2112 is, keep practicing that bass. The world needs more Mike Watts.

Friday Face-Offs: Fortunate Son – 4th Place

HELLO THERE.

IT’S TIME TO CHANT “FORTUNATE SON” AS IF IT WAS THE GREAT LITANY AT CHURCH.

Pare down that melody and let ‘er rip.

And for all the haters, let me add that this is the first time I’ve ever understood the “When the tax man comes to the door” lyric. “It looks like a rummage sale.” FINALLY. I never knew what the deal was when the tax man came to the door.

Thank you for enunciating, sir.

Friday Face-Offs: Fortunate Son – 6th Place

LOL, if only the people in this video were enjoying themselves.

By the way, LOL, is the lead guitarist holdin’ shit down very hard at 3:42 – 3:51?

PS: You know what I just realized? This Sleater-Kinney gig was at the Cat’s Cradle in Carrboro, NC! TARHEELS REPRESENT!!! How we do!!! (Go to Visart after the show, rent a video . . . LOL, that’s some local knowledge I just dropped.)

FRIDAY FACE-OFFS! EVERYONE GET ON STAGE!!!

Friday Face-Offs: Fortunate Son – 7th Place

Teacher of the year. (0:57)

Can I just say? That guitar tone? Sounding not very bad-ass? Also, sounding very QUIET? Mom’s probably happy when the band rehearses while she’s trying to watch her shows? Because when that band rehearses? It’s probably pretty easy to hear Alex Trebek? Because that guitar is quiet???

One more thing? Girls in the audience? Screaming pretty quietly at the end? Dudes in the band, probably feeling pretty sad about that?

One final thing? Lead singer? Kickin’ very much ass? Voice sounding weak? Tummy looking small at 3:20?

Friday Face-Offs: Fortunate Son – 8th Place

Remember how I said tempo was crucial to a successful performance of “Fortunate Son?”

This guy totally nails it:

LOL, I hope you didn’t think this guy didn’t own a copy of the original “Fortunate Son” 45 RPM single. LOL, if you thought that, this video must make you sooo mad and frustrated!!!

Another thing about this video: BEST TRACKING SHOT OF ALL TIME? Better than “Touch of Evil?” Better than “Russian Ark?” See, this is how you KNOW the dude owns a copy of the single — one take, baby. No cuts. Zoom on the label: BAM. Then he starts moving the record towards the turntable, and you’re like, “Awww shit, we’re about to hear a hot jam,” and then, before you know it: BAM. The record has been placed upon the turntable. Basically, at this point the dude officially enters “I’m-about-to-set-it-off” mode.

And then: BAM, the highlight of the video — 0:15, when he’s like, “I’m outta here; nobody wants to see me — they want to see my “Fortunate Son” 45 RPM single, which I totally own!”

At that point, it’s basically all about you watching a digital video of an analog record spinning around . . . and enjoying a quality jam.

But then the most amazing thing of all time happens: 0:53 – 1:05.

And then . . . what can I say? 1:37 – 1:50. (Was the guy very pumped and excited when he did that? He was probably thinking, “Fuck it, you only live once. Let’s give ‘em something to remember.”)

HONORABLE MENTION:

FRIDAY FACE-OFFS! WE’RE SPINNING AROUND AND AROUND!!!

FRIDAY FACE-OFFS!!!

Dinosaurs and debates! Wow, I thought we couldn’t pull off a week crazier and wackier than last week, but we did. Hooray for us.

But now the week draws to a close. Saturday and Sunday beckon us. Must we drive to Pennslyvania to knock on peoples’ doors for hours and hours? We must. But before we do, we shall draw inspiration from:

Friday Face-Offs.

Welcome to the THIRD INSTALLMENT of an internet legend!

This week’s FRIDAY FACE-OFF is: “Fortunate Son” by Creedence Clearwater Revival. Watch the original version here:

Guys, I have watched dozens and dozens of versions of “Fortunate Son” over the past few weeks. And one thing I’ve come to appreciate is: TEMPO IS EVERYTHING WITH THIS SONG. If you’re playing a straight-up arrangement of this song, you better hit this tempo exactly or it’s gonna fall apart and sound like ass. Kudos to Creedence Clearwater Revival for nailing this tempo.

Another thing I’ve come to appreciate is that I have the world’s best taste in music. This is one of my all-time favorite jams, and you know what? FULLY JUSTIFIED. This song is, basically, four dudes holding down a groove so freakin’ hard you can’t believe it and you can’t get up.

One more thing: People always talk about this song’s relevance vis a vis our current President. I never talk about that.

Why?

Because that man doesn’t deserve to be in the same conversation as this all-American jam.

Check back later this morning for our first contestant. . .

FRIDAY FACE-OFFS! WE BRING IT STRONG LIKE DINOSAURS!!!