Best Of 2016: FASHION

From the runways of Milan to the edgy sidewalks of Bushwick, from the streets of Tokyo to the boulevards of Paris, fashion was all about raw energy in 2016 — and raw energy is always where it’s at.

Fashion is the most intimate of art forms: It literally “clothes” us in creativity. Whether it’s a new scarf from a fashion-forward boutique or a handsome blazer scored from a vintage shop, if it’s fashion you’re after, then you’ll always find what you’re looking for … after a fashion.


And 2016 was no different. We saw styles that separated the men from the boys … the bridesmaids from the brides … the goats from the ghosts (this is fashion-insider lingo, I bet). The point is, when it comes to stylish clothes? Fashion is still the only game in town.

Here are the TOP TEN FASHIONS OF 2016:

10. Raggedy-ass fashions no sane person would ever wear, i.e. the definition of “hot mess,” i.e. don’t burn your fingers on that mess — it’s THAT hot — Tsssss! (sizzle sound) … ACK! I tried to warn you! Now your fingers are burned and I need to drive you to the hospital — my soup will get cold on account of this inconvenience! All because of that stank-fart outfit nobody would ever wear … I hereby take a lifelong pledge of “extreme nudity” in protest of these failed fashions … chicken noodle soup

9. Decent fashions

8. Men’s fashions

7. Comfortable fashions

6. (TIE) Shoes / Dressy women’s fashions

5. Red-carpet looks showcasing blue-collar authenticity*

4. Mom and Dad got dressed up to go out to dinner

3. When the end comes, just make sure I look good and am wearing my FINAL FASHIONS

2. Fashions we can believe in

1. No joke? The greatest fashions ever created, bar none, gold medal for these fashions

(*This description came to me in a burst of inspiration, I think I have cracked the code of fashion with this entry.)