If there’s one thing we love more than umbrellas, it’s UMBRELLA MISHAPS. There’s just something about watching a man walk down a rainy sidewalk with his big black umbrella, and then a gust of wind blows the umbrella inside-out, and the man thrashes his umbrella and yells, “You no-good piece of shit umbrella!” It doesn’t get any better than that, as far as I’m concerned.
2011 was a great year for umbrella mishaps: From celebrities fighting with pink umbrellas, to government officials knocking over top-secret documents with their umbrellas, this was a year defined by man’s vexing relationship to his favorite rainy-time accoutrement. Sometimes it felt like all we did was laugh and shake our heads at umbrellas acting up. Defy this analysis at your peril.
Here’s my list of the TOP TEN UMBRELLA MISHAPS OF 2011:
10. “The big rainstorm is coming and I can’t find my umbrella!”
9. “My umbrella just broke when you stepped on it!”
8. Wet umbrella dripping on newspaper; newspaper is now damp
7. Shaking off umbrella and spraying water on lover’s plate of spaghetti; lover throws umbrella out the window in a rage
6. Umbrella fails to open properly; user experience is compromised by exposure to rainwater along the transverse (Diagnosis: n/u4002)
5. Woman caught in thunderstorm; wind yanks umbrella out of her hand
4. “This umbrella isn’t big enough for the both of us.”
3. Attending funeral in the rain; only umbrella available is neon-pink promotional umbrella for BRATZ dolls; mourners are offended; fight breaks out; somebody accidentally falls into open grave
2. Umbrella pokes somebody’s eye out
1. Flimsy umbrellla