“Minute to Win It” Liveblogging, Part II

8:59 PM They’re going home with $125,000. And that’s the end of the show. Guy Fieri, can you feel me breathing down your neck? I’m coming for your JOBS, son.

8:57 PM Damn he nailed it in like 10 seconds! This kid Kyle is a world-beater! Everybody is hugging each other! It’s like a rave with gadgets and gizmos.

8:56 PM Level 7: Propeller Head, based on a Chinese Toy from olden tymes. Launch a propeller into a basket. Can they do it? First they must discuss it in complete sentences and articulate their fears and desires. Kyle’s going for it! Big pressure …

8:53 PM “Super Coin,” bounce quarters into a water jug. Do it in a minute and you win one million dollars. They just got an audience member … here he goes … plucked from anonymity to destiny … flicking quarters for a cool million … GO FOR IT … He will never, ever, ever, be able to do this. This is worse than a carny game! Guy Fieri: “That one, had it been over about 8 inches, woulda gone in.” LOL, pretty close.

8:51 PM Who knew Uncle Ben’s microwave rice could make such a hip commercial? Wait, I’m really down on this Swiffer ad b/c it makes fun of regular ol’ brooms! WTF, brooms rule! Swiffer sucks! I don’t trust Swiffer; they irradiate the mop heads or something, right? They’re messing with molecules and that’s not right. I don’t trust Swiffer … and that’s that.

8:49 PM They’re going for $125,000. That’s more money then I’ve ever seen in my life.

8:47 PM Emotional moment, here. Kyle is speaking about his grandfather and getting choked up. Hug from Guy Fieri … and guess what? Papa Jack is on the line! Music? Tugging at heartstrings … Papa Jack? Totally reading from a script. C’mon, Papa Jack, just freestyle. Don’t read some producer’s script!

8:45 PM Guys, she failed. They only have one life remaining … One Life to Live, as it were. The decision has been made: Kyle will attempt Raisin the Bar for $75,000. He better flick those bottles like a champion … Flick one: NO Flick two: YES Flick three: YES Flick four: YES And we’re in Monkey Mode yet again! This guy Kyle is really good at this gameshow.

8:44 PM Time for Lisette to do a challenge called “Raisin the Bar,” where she has to find a single raisin in McSorley’s. (j/k) She has to flick a matchbook out from under a bottle. Where’s the raisin? I’m confused yet again by my favorite new show…

8:42 PM Okay, here’s Sticker Picker Upper: They gotta use a goddamn EGG to pick up stickers off a platter without cracking the egg? “Yagottabekiddinme!” The guy is going for it: “I practiced this one at home.” Do they know the games ahead of time? I’m confused. The woman: “Balance is all about breath.” That’s some yoga-wisdom, right there. Oh, he’s CRUSHING this! WIN! “Level five, complete!” $50,000! Blast that happy music! Is that NeYo? It’s what I imagine NeYo sounds like? (BTW am I typing NeYo with sufficiently esoteric typography?)

8:41 PM One thing I like about this show is how people all over America play the challenges at home and then post their videos on the internet. MTWI FTW!

8:40 PM I like this commercial. I’m gonna buy a Jeep. “I live, I ride, I am. Jeep.” That’s me in a nutshell.