World Cup Liveblogging, Overtime Edition

5:02 PM Game over. Spain is the soccer champion of the world! Congratulations to all the team who participated in this year’s World Cup. You will never be forgotten. World Cup 2010: The Legend Continues.

5:01 PM Come on, big orange!

4:58 PM Nederlands is screwed. Spain is dancing on their grave. All the tulips are turning black and dying. All the hash brownies are losing their mystical powers.

4:57 PM Things are looking grim for the Dutch. Time is not on their side, the numbers are not on their side, and soccer is not on their side. Can they pull off a Dutch miracle?

4:55:10 PM glglglglglglglglglg Nederlands is PISSED! Card out. There’s a card out! Was Spain offsides? What’s going on? Comedy and tragedy, we have it all!

4:55 PM Gl gl gl gl Spain scored!

4:54 PM Come on, guys. Score a goal. Bounce-off! It was a total bounce-off! Arrrggh

4:52 PM Looks like a penalty kick situation. I’m not sure because I’m so bored.

4:51 PM I wish they would show celebrities watching the game in the stands. Why don’t they do that? That’s like my favorite thing. “Celebrities, they’re just like us.”

4:49:12 PM Cards, whistles everywhere! Players are getting sloppy and frustrated. They definitely should not operate heavy machinery right now … they’d run somebody over with a forklift.

4:49 PM Nederlands is hurting. Free kick 21 meters from the goal. And … they biffed it. Spain sucks eggs from a hen.

4:48 PM No dice! Red card! red card! The worst card of them all! Free kick against Nederlands! Chaos! Vuvuzela overload! The Nederlands just lost a player. They are officially FUCKED.

4:47 PM Everybody’s tired. Spain surrounded by Dutch players. What font is that on the Dutch uniforms?

4:46 PM My promise to you: If someone finally scores in this cockamamie soccer game, I will NOT type GOOOAAAALLLLL! I will type “gl.”

4:45 PM Throw-in. Here we go. Spain on the march. Nederlands goalie grabs it. No dice. Do the math. Make it work. Just do it. Kick it. Can’t touch this.

4:44 PM The ball goes one way, then it goes the other way. That’s soccer in a nutshell.