I just realized why it’s so slow in the store today: There’s this thing called “Strawberry Festival” going on down by the river. You can go eat strawberry shortcake and buy crafts and listen to music and whatnot.

Meanwhile I’m sitting here in my own personal wineberry fiefdom! If you like strawberries, you’ll LOVE wine. It has all the sweetness of fresh fruit but also goes well with nachos. Can you say that about strawberries? Answer: No.

Wine = 1, Strawberries = 0. The End.