Hello everyone! I got busy with the census and organizing my pencil sharpening business and also staring out the window, so I neglected the ol’ blog for a hot minute. But now I’m back. Am I better than ever? Usually when someone comes back, they’re better than ever. So let’s assume I am.

To prove I’m better than ever, I’m going to link to this amazing article about Daniel Pipes, who is one of my favorite conservative pundits/theorists. Daniel Pipes is one of the leading experts on “Islamofascisto-terrorism-amists,” the Muslims who would do us harm. And his “Islamofascism-dar” is so sensitive, he can pick up on threats the rest of us don’t even see.

Like for instance, the new Miss USA is Muslim. You might think, “That’s cool, I’m glad not all Muslim women wear veils,” or, “I’ll take a bikini over a burqa any day!” or “Mama mia! That’s a sexy Muslim lady!” But Daniel Pipes finds it all very suspicious. He refers to the “surprising frequency of Muslim women winning beauty contests.”

First of all, Daniel Pipes looks like an R-rated hypnotist. “Tonight at the Laff Barn: R-rated hypnotist DANIEL PIPES will have you rolling — AND BLUSHING — in the aisles! You’ll see your friends do things they never thought you’d see them do! Get ready for raunchy, randy fun with Daniel Pipes! Opening act: The outrageous insult comedy of Norman Podhoretz! $20 cover / 2 drink minimum.”

Secondly, maybe all those Muslim women are winning beauty contests because they’re totally beautiful! And isn’t that a good thing? We should be in favor of Muslim women prancing around in bikinis and winning American beauty contests because that’s precisely the type of thing that must drive al-Qaeda up the wall. What better evidence that American culture’s gravitational force is irresistible? Ha ha, we win! and all that.

But of course, Daniel Pipes doesn’t want Muslims to assimilate into American culture because then who would he get paid to make everyone afraid of?