Saturday Night Olympic Liveblogging, Part II

11:00 PM PST: Okay, everyone. I gotta go. Thank you so much for supporting this west coast edition of MNFTIU OLYMPIC LIVEBLOGGING. Thanks to my west-coast hosts. I’ll blog again before you know it … please keep it locked to MNFTIU for all your Olympics needs! PEACE

10:59 PM PST: Know what? I don’t think McDonald’s commercial was made in America. I think it was made in Europe — and i should know, b/c I’ve seen it 100 times in the four days I’ve been blogging the olympics.

10:58 PM PST: Oh man someone should give me a gold medal for the dessert I just invented: Blueberry pie with crushed up chocolate fudge cookies on top. “Fuggedaboutit.” That was tasty as a mehfur.

10:47 PM PST: Just savoring the glory of the fact that people from my country did a good job to race their bobsled so fucking fast.

10:45 PM PST: Another day, another bobsled race. Here comes USA team. Big black bobsled. Looks lethal, like a stealth bomber raining death and destruction on evildoers. Currently ahead of Canada… .can they do this??? CAN THEY CAN THEY???USA in the lead???

10:44 PM PST: Bobsledding interview! My new favorite cultural phenomenon! “What were you doing in that sled?” “I was racing it.” “Did you have a good run?” “We got +.022 over the previous semifinalist, so we were happy.” “Great, God bless you and your bobsled.” “Praise God.”

10:43 PM PST: Excuse me ladies and gents, I’ll just need a few minutes to get excited about more bobsledding… (see you in 20,000 years)

10:40 PM PST: GREAT COMMERCIAL ABOUT MOMS from Proctor and Gamble. If my mom wasn’t crying at that, you must be crazy.

10:39:55 PM PST: Bob Costas: “The crafty Ohno advances.” Oh lord, not more bobsledding! The only reason they have this sport at the Olympics is b/c Bob Costas invented it! (Get it, “Bob(Costas)sledding?” GET IT? GET IT???)

10:39:50 Ohno advances … I hear mad crazy booing?

10:39 Damn Ohno schooled ’em!

10:38 Oh snap Ohno! Oh snap!!! Ohno ohno

10:37 PM PST: Goddamn could those ice-skate blades be any longer and more gold and deadly looking?

10:36 And they’re OFF! This is Apolo Ohno’s big race. If he wins, the King of Olymipcs will let his family live.

10:35 Roller-derby-grade drama on the ice course. not sure I approve. Are they all gonna skate with fake names now? And yet ANOTHER false start? guys, let’s get it together. It’s the Olymipcs, yo.

10:34 What happened with CElski? Crazy stuff. maybe he’s in the wrong sport. He should be in that other winter sport– the one that looks kinda like his last name: SKI(ing).

10:34 Celski DISQUALIFIED!!!! he threw the guy off! MIND-BLOWING!!!!

10:33 Incredible so-motion replays.

10:31 PM PST: This race is going well, so far no crashes. No bad language on th eice, please remember. making his move … creeping up … trying to pass. . the american is trying to break away inside….SHOVED THE DUDE OFF HIS ASS??? Crowd is booing like a madman!!! Replay … JR Celski’s foe was gettin’ cozy all up in that butt …

10:29 PM PST: HOw about that guest-blogger, huh? She did a good job. Liveblogging is harder than it looks– it takes a deep knowledge of whatever you’er blogging about. And you have to be a good fast typist. and know how to spell everyhtint correclt.y 😉

10:28 PM PST: Short-form speed skating! Let’s go! They should have an ice-skating race that’s only 5 feet long, or 1/20th of one lap.

10:27 PM PST: Okay, what did I miss? Dutch people celebrating the victory of an ice-skater. “Only in the Olympics, ladies and gentlemen!”

10:24 PM PST: David here. Back in charge. Time to restore the brand. Thanks to special assistant blogger SL for helping out. Not sure how much Oly-info she gave you, but have no fear: I”M BACK. On the other hand, she blogged for free. And I appreciate it. “You are apprciated.” Now … game ON

10:22 PM he is reclining and concerned about how he looks in the photos. olympics are yesteryear

10:21 PM david is getting too comfortable not blogging i can TELL

10:21 PM sexy black boots woof woof

10:17 PM what is this? david says it is a mini-documentary about the mounties… our attention is divided between the mini-doc and the photos (well they are really, really into the photos, especially the ones we took tonight, and some of katherine’s nephew) — i feel lonely watching the mounty thing. nice bright red outfits.

10:17 PM info about canada.

10:16 PM armchairs and a fireplace and a chat.

10:14 PM david says (he is looking at photos of me and katherine from a trip) “write down on the blog that you guys are still friends!” and now he tells me “write about canada is winning the gold medal”–ooh that guy singing oh canada is cute. david says he is the one who went so crazy…

10:09 PM i feel some pressure to say something about the next race. katherine and david are talking about relationships. this is difficult and i’m going on break!!

10: 06 PM a new race. those guys aren’t really watching it. can i get them to turn their attention towards the television? i like this kind of racing how they touch the ice with their fingertips. those guys are talking about having a film night.

10:04 PM katherine is showing david photos during the commercial. “this is my weekend last weekend.” (the commercial is for safeway.)

10:03 PM david is eating soup and i sarah am your guest blogger for the next couple of minutes. katherine is sorting her photos. no olympics are on.

9:57 PM Top o’ the hour soup break …

9:56 PM PST: “Can you just reach out and pinch his butt?” (One of our party, re: the rules for speed-skating)

9:55 HOW can five guys run in a circle on the ice like that without poking each other’s eyes out with their deadly ice-skates on their feet? “Will wonders ever cease?” They sometimes look like they’re doing roller derby, the famous smash-em-up game.

9:54 PM PST: Here comes more hot speed-skating! FALSE START??? What is this, amateur hour? (Well, technically, yes, for Olympians must be amateurs [I think]) Goddamn ANOTHER false start? What is this, a Hollywood woman’s bosom? (b/c they all have false breasts out there)

9:49 PM PST Conchords-guy in the lead, Ohno in third, two anonymous dudes fill inthe rest . These dues are allowed to touch the ice? “What’s happened to standards?” Oh shit Ohno creepin’ up … advances to next round … which is called the “Semis,” whatever that means (I never understood that stuff: Semifinal, Quarterfinal, etc., how about we just call it all “Fun adventures” and leave it at that?)

9:47 PM PST Here comes Apolo Ohno, whose name I think I have spelled correctly for the first time. Holy shit his dad looks badder-asser than a “murg-furg.” And now we got some Flight of the Conchords-lookin’ dude trying to take the crown from him! Four nations compete on the track .. four teams vie for the gold … one liveblogger tries to capture the action … and WE’RE OFF

9:45:40 PM PST: Seattle people! Did you just see that commercial for the hot-tub company??? How many freakin’ jets and nozzles did that hot-tub have??? OMG that was off the HOOK

9:45 PM “Short track skating is chaos on the ice.” (My new quote)

9:42 PM PST: Lindesy Vonn being interviewed about “How do you ski so fast? What’s your favorite ski? What songs do you like about skiing? Do you ever drink wine when you’re racing down the mountain?” I WISH THOSE WERE the questions — back to you Bob Costas, talking about how Andrea Fischbacher’s great grandpappy invented skiing or some such trivia. now he’s all like, “The weather affects how people race on the ski-slopes.” Really? I’m skeptical.

9:41 PM PST: Just had an interesting conversation with our host about rearranging her furniture so she can look out the window better. Losing interest in skiing.

9:39 I love Brooke Shields’ colgate toothpaste commercial. No way is that her real house, right? That’s gotta be a fake bathroom.

9:37 I love that “T. Maze won Silver in Super-G.” Could that sound more like a track Lil Wayne does a guest-verse on?

9:34 PM PST: This skier is “T. Maze.” GREAT NAME. It’s like if you get lost inside a hedge row inside T. Pain. WWHOA WHOA WAIT did T Pain just take the gold from Fischerbacker??? What’s going on? I muted the TV so not sure what the announcers are saying. Jus tusing my eyes to get information and I can’t tell what’s what b/c all the skiers look the same. What Happened? Now Chelsea Marshall is up, looking like she don’t take no shit in her official olympic photo. She looks like a bus driver, no offense — just gives off that “no nonsense, get on the bus” vibe– but today? SHE IS A SKI-DRIVER, and the fare-price is ONE GOLD MEDAL. (j/k no way is she getting the gold b/c she just crashed realy, real, hard.) Ouch glad that wasn’t a bus. 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁

9:32 PM PST: Mandatory disclosure: I am watching the Olympics with my gals Katherine and Sarah. Katherine is recovering Facebook addict; please do not contact her via Facebook for 7 days. This is not a joke.

9:30 PM PST: Who’s going to the Harry Potter Wizard theme park with me? Can you really ride a broom through the sky?

9:28 PM PST: Now yet another person is racing. This person’s name is “Paerson.” That’s pretty cool. think about, guys: A person = Paerson. It’s called an anagram, homes. Get used to it. Whoa I just got incredibly bored with all this skiing. Why dont’ they jsut show figure-skating every day all day? Didn’t we decide a few nights ago that figure skating was the best?

9:27 PM PST: Is this event really called “Super G?” Huh?

9:26 PM MPST: Fischbacher takes the lead over Vonn? Are you kidding me? With that slapdash jump where she almost landed on the end of her skis??? Amazing– but the clocks don’t lie. the time is the time. And the rules are the rules. Vonn is no longer in the lead! Fischbacher is in the lead! “The student is the master, and the master is the student.”

9:24 PM PST: Can anyone beat Vonn? this woman name Fischbacher is going to try … using her skis. She’s going down the hill … had a bit o’ wee trouble … “She’s not panicking” .. neither am I — God has a plan for each of us, so just lay back and chill…

9:23 PM PST: We went with a nice Manhattan for a drink. Thanks for everyone’s suggestions. Bloody Mary was voted down as not a dinner drink… 🙁

9:21 PM PST: While I was eating my soup, Lindsey Vonn went on her skis.

9:11 PM PST: Soup break! Soup break! THe soup is ready …

9:09 PM PST: Here comes the German Riesch … previous warrior champion … she was out of bounds… they must have big leg muscles to go on their skis! I liker her rainbow outfit. Those would be some killer pajamas.

9:08 PM PST: Also, I prefer drinks that aren’t too sweet. Are there any drinks that have pepper in them? (Seriously)

9:07 PM PST: Reader NF recommends sloe gin fizz for my next drink. But we don’t have soda water. Any other suggestions?

9:06 PM PST: No, Cyndi Lauper. Please.

9:04 PM PST: Next up? E. Brydon, another skier of gender. She just bumped into a flag or fence-post or whatever … she’s Canadian, which makes her the home-town favorite. BIG SMASH BIG CRASH she just biffed it right where Mancuso did, but instead of jsut going out-of-bonds, she made a fat face-plant into the ice “Ouch, that’s brutal!” <-----announcer 9:02 PM PST: Here comes J. Mancuso, going down the mountain so fast. Wait a minute, didn't we see this a few days ago? Is this a new kind of ski-race or what? Maybe it's longer? Or has more squiggles in it? Uh oh, Mancuso went off-course... too much speed, too much passion ... can't obey society's rules ... like a wild animal uncaged ... she will be penalized for her transgression on the slopes ... expect an angry fax from Vatican City ... 9:01 PM PST: "American Ski Divas" time for some "FEMALE SKI WARS"