Now that I’ve done yoga a few times, I’ve picked up some tips you might be interested in if you’re about to enter the “YOG-ZONE.”

1. When you’re doing “Downward-Facing Dog,” stick your butt way up in the air so it’s easier for yoga to totally kick it.

2. When you’re doing “Warrior” (?– the one where your legs are apart and your arms are outstretched), bring a real bow and arrow to hold so you look like a real warrior.

3. Whenever the teacher says, “And now we’ll move into Child’s Pose (the one where you collapse like a wimp and lie there, panting and defeated),” reply with, “ABOUT TIME, GODDAMN ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME WITH ALL THESE POSES?”