I hope the name of this band is “The All-Other-Motherfuckers Destroying Machine,” because that’s basically what they do here:

OMG, 0:55 FTW!!! LOL at how hard that bangs.

Friday Face-Offs! “We’re gonna light it up like it’s dynamite.”

Three videos left!!! Everybody go put on all their favorite brands for the top three videos!!!

This is a reaaally sloppity-gloppity chop of “Dynamite,” but the keyboards sound soooo freakin’ amazing, I had to sneak it in. It sounds like a brontosaurus throwing a rave against the wall. And the zhweep zhwoop is BANGING.

Still thinking about all my favorite brands, and how I’m gonna wear them to the club tonight. ALL OF THEM.

Anyway, here’s a chopped mash-up of “Dynamite” with “California Gurls” (ugh) by Katy Perry. It was boring me until (1:47), when things started sounding real nice. Again, sloppy, but sometimes that makes it more exciting. Just ask the Replacements.

But uggh, yeah, I am not a fan of Katy Perry. It feels very pandering to me. Why is that? And is California Gurls biting from that MGMT song, the one that followed Kids?

“So many questions.” Friday Face-Offs!!! It’s DYNAMITE.

I was just thinking: One of the best things about me wearing all my favorite brands is that you can tell what kind of guy I am just by looking at me (and my brands).

Anyway … it’s candle time. Time to chill.

Okay, confession time: I almost sorta got goosebumps the first time they really hit the chorus (1:03). Am I a sentimental sap? I dunno. It just looks like they’re having such a nice time, like they said: “Look, our tans look awesome, you play guitar, I play keyboards, we love rockin’ the club, and I have this big-ass scented candle. Should we make a web video or what???” And then lo and behold, they made this nice video for you to enjoy on Friday Face-Offs!

FFO FTW!!! (”Friday Face-Offs For The Win”)

Keep it locked … next contestant coming up!

My favorite thing about this great song “Dynamite” by Taio Cruz is that it uses the “Zhweep Zhwoop” sound from “Party in the USA,” which is a song I can’t stand for some reason. Both songs were produced by Dr. Luke, who is the producer of the moment (look at the charts and every song you’re humming is by him). So he’ll take a zhweep zhwoop and just run it into the ground. I can respect that. It’s like a late-night infomercial style of producing:

“Do you love the zhweep zhwoop sound but you’re just so tired of having to listen to Party in the USA in order to hear it? The inconvenience, the headaches — it’s just TOO MUCH! Well, now there’s Dynamite, a great song with the zhweep zhwoop sound you’ve come to love! No more hassles, no more headaches! Call 1-800-FRIDAY-MY-FUCKING-FACE-OFF to hear more!”

Anyway, at first I was gonna give the 7th place medal to this guy:

But then this guy showed up …

… and once you see 0:22, you’ll understand why he had to win. That’s some pure, artisanal foot-Mozart, right there! I love moments like that. Beat kicking in soooo hard.

Friday Face-Offs! I’m wearing all my favorite brands all day!!! Habitat for Humanity, Doctors Without Borders, and Adopt-A-Minefield!!! NOT TO MENTION GUCCI, PRADA, AND KATE SPADE BAGS!!!

Set if off like dynamite! S**t is blowing up like a m*****f****r in this video!

Check out the intensity at 2:35. You know he’s just barely keeping it together during those punchy keebs. I know the feeling. Those keyboards sound really good. But he doesn’t lose control (which is ironic, since I think one of the themes of this song is totally losing control in the club and wearing all your favorite brands).

OMG, FFO FTW! It’s good to be back!

Friday Face-Offs! “It doesn’t get any more faced-off than this.”

Stay tuned, next contestant coming up quick!

Oh my dear, dear mnftiu reader: You thought I’d forgotten about Friday Face-Offs, didn’t you?

You thought I’d gone all “Joe Hollywood Pencil-Sharpener?” Please.

You thought all I could do was liveblog “Minute To Win It” and “Frogs?” Don’t make me laugh.

Friday Face-Offs!!!

Welcome to the 23rd installment of the greatest thing on the internet since computers.

It’s been too long, so let’s get to it. There’s no time for pussy-footing around. It’s Friday, so let’s Friday-Face-Off our fucking faces off.

This week’s song is “Dynamite” by Taio Cruz. Watch the original video here:

I love this song. If it was more mindless, it’d bill your HMO for the lobotomy. And in honor of this song … for this one day only … I’m wearing all my favorite brands.

“Y’all know me!”

First contestant is up next! You do remember how awesome FFO is, right? BUCKLE UP.

Friday Face-Offs!!!!!!!!

Putting away the blog in order to concentrate on this movie. It’s just too many frogs to keep track of otherwise.

“Frogs attacking windows? Snakes in chandeliers? Those aren’t exactly normal things.”

“You’re out drinking in that speed boat all day and all night. Well, I hate it.”

“The frogs are driving me crazy, too.”

Interesting racial subtext alert! And “Frogs” begins firing on yet another cylinder …

… meanwhile the frogs are jumping every which way in the swamp.

And now we’re at a dinner party in the mansion, but the daughter can’t stand the sound of all the frogs! “That sound is driving me insane! Won’t they ever stop!”

Now the rich people are complaining about how their taxes are going up because of the anti-pollution regulations. Somebody needs to remake this movie, like, TOMORROW. And fuck M. Night Shyamalan and “The Happening,” nobody’s trying to be scared of a tree waving in the wind. We need some COLD-BLOODED FROG TERROR up in here!!!