I just noticed that it’s been raining non-stop for like 5 weeks. I’m not even kidding. My relationship with my sump pump has entered a more profound level of intimacy and trust.

Hell, I might as well list some other things I’ve noticed recently:

1. The Pope is a freak.
2. Whole-wheat cornbread tastes good if you let go of society’s prejudices about cornbread.
3. The best podcast in the world is “Philosophy Bites.”
4. It’s hard to motivate yourself to swim when the entire world is already sopping wet.
5. “Chicken Battle 2000” is the greatest work of art ever. (More on this soon!)

I’m listening to the song “In A Big Country” by the band Big Country and I’m really enjoying it. If you can, listen to it on a good stereo and pay attention to the bass.

I thought I had strep throat so I went to the doctor. They did a strep-throat test and it was negative. I was positively gobsmacked — for the love of God, if this wasn’t strep throat, what was? Turns out I have a sore throat.

Then on my way out of the doctor’s office, I heard “Let the Music Play,” by Shannon, one of my top favorite jams of all time.

And that’s what life is like for America’s favorite blogger, i.e. ME.

Okay folks, this is going to be our biggest comedy show yet. Our goal is to make Beacon, NY the hottest comedy town in America.

Please come out for this night of hilarity. Charter a bus from New York City with your friends. Rent a limo and drive up from Westchester. Steal a helicopter and fly in from Texas. Use your teleportation ring and zap in from South Dakota.

Patrick Borelli is very funny. So is Sam Anderson. I’m not sure about this Count Andrew “Dice” Dracula guy, but my friends insist he’s funny. We’ll also have special guests and a brief charity auction and all sorts of fun stuff. Be there or be squashed.

I’m relaunching Friday Face-Offs tomorrow. Get hyped!

To celebrate, here’s some freestyle computer-typing Friday Face-Offs art:

/////////FRIDAY/////////////
///////////FACE/////////////
///////////////OFFS////////
////////Happy Music///////
P+A+R+T+Y=FRIDAY!!!!!
////////////////////////////////////blades of grass/////////
//////////waving in breeze/////////////of music//////////
/////time to mow the grass//////////////////////////////
////find the BEST VIDEOS ========of the HOTTEST SONGS
FRi
day
face
offs……………….>>>>>>>>>>> 🙂

I have a new man-crush! This guy is my new hero …

Dr Grigori Perelman, a reclusive Russian genius, is refusing to accept the prestigious $1 million “Millennium” mathematics prize awarded by the Clay Mathematics Institute in Cambridge, MA.

Perelman was awarded the prize for solving the one-hundred-year-old Poincaré conjecture, one of the most complicated mathematical problems in the world ….

The 44-year-old Perelman currently resides with his mother and sister in his hometown of St. Petersberg, living extremely humbly. One neighbor told a Moscow newspaper, “He always wears the same tatty coat and trousers. He never cuts his nails or beard. When he walks he simply stares at the ground, rather than looking from side to side.”

Another neighbor told of a time she had visited Perelman’s apartment due to problems with cockroaches ….

After performing some teaching in American universities in 2003, Perelman has apparently given up on mathematics, dismayed at the intellectual and moral failings of his peers. Instead, according to reports, he likes to play table tennis against a wall in his apartment. “You are disturbing me. I am picking mushrooms,” he told a journalist who managed to get in touch with him.

C’mon: Is this for real? It reads like a “Balloon Boy” hoax for nerds. This guy combines the best features of Immanuel Kant (everyone in town recognizes him walking around like a freak), Ludwig Wittgenstein (“Even though I’m a super-genius I’m quitting academia because it’s just a bunch of sellouts”), Rain Man (“1001010100001, I’m a human computer y’all”), and the Unabomber (“Watch me play ping-pong by myself”). It seems too glorious and crazy to be true.

Also, look at that photo. When I first saw it, I thought, “This must be an article about the latest advances in prosthetic eyebrows.” Instead you’re telling me that’s a real guy, who really looks like that? It seems suspiciously perfect — the Platonic ideal of what you imagine a reclusive-Russian-mathematician-who-turns-down-million-dollar-checks would look like.

I hope and pray that this is all a stunt perpetuated by someone who wants a reality show because that would be a great reality show! I hope it’s called “Long Russian Fingernails.”

“You are disturbing me. I am picking mushrooms.” That’s my new catch phrase.

I think I’m about to sell a bottle of tequila.

Yep … another bottle down the hatch … cash register ringing like the bells of Old St. Mary’s Parish in Brightford-Upon-Heretoforshire …

Can I just say? England is fascinating. It’s like America, yet ever so slightly different. A good example is how they have a band called Rolling Stones, and we have a beer called Rolling Rock. Weird, right? But I think God loves both of our countries.

Cool.

Okay, I’ll talk to you soon on my blog.

Wine store ======== bottles of red wine /////SUN WARMS THE WINE

MOON CHILD WINE WHITE WINE FROM THE MOON ———–> )

sliver of moon ))))))))))))))) moon flies through space towards a wine-bottle SPACE SHIP////

+!+!+!+!+!+!++!+!+!+WINE!+!+!+!+!+!++!!+!+!+!

this looks like a plaid pattern from Scotland+!+!+!+!+!+!+

+!+!+!+!+!+!+!+!+!+!+!+!+!

!+!+!+!+!+!+!+!+!+!+!+!+!+!

Scottish wines ……………………….//////>?>?>?>?>?>?>?>?

Here’s a nice bottle of Malbec:

O
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/ \
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Damn, can you taste it? It tastes so good, it makes you go like this:

: – )