The Jamba Juice website highlights its “natural energy from nutritious ingredients.” Yet it’s actually impossible to get a smoothie made with a base of plain old real milk: Only soy milk can be substituted for the frozen yogurt and sherbet in the “classic” smoothies, and the light smoothies are all made with a mysterious “dairy base” that contains the artificial sweetener Splenda.
Remember, guys: You can make your own smoothies at home! It’s easy and healthy.
Everybody should watch “America’s Next Great Restaurant” on NBC Sunday night because I’m gonna live-memory-blog it for New York magazine Monday morning!
Basically, this is a show about a contest where people pitch restaurant ideas and then the winner gets a real restaurant!!!
I’m happy to say that my comic RELATIONSHAPES — the only comic made exclusively for the Modern Woman — is now appearing on The Hairpin, the premiere web site for ladies.
Did you watch this show last night? It was good. I recapped it for New York magazine’s “Grub Street” blog:
America is crazy about food. Some of us eat it every day. Others of us have conversations like, “Have you tried that amazing new kind of toast?” and, “Last weekend at the farmers’ market we watched a goat give birth to a jar of marmalade.” Because America cannot love something without turning it into a reality show, we’re enjoying a superabundance of cooking-related TV. NBC has decided to dive into this simmering goulash of food shows with America’s Next Great Restaurant which promises, at the end of its nine-week run, to give America its next great restaurant. So now you know: Any restaurant that opens between now and the conclusion of this show will not be great. It will suck. You have NBC’s word on that. I happened to watch the premiere of America’s Next Great Restaurant at a dinner party (I invited myself; I’m an incorrigible freeloader). The hostess was kind enough to lend me some earphones I plugged into the TV so I wouldn’t bother the other guests.
I’m chillin’ in the wine store … just sold six bottles … hate to brag, but yeah, that’s a lot of wine … I had to pack them in a box because they don’t make bags big enough for so much wine … six bottles at once … I told you this wasn’t a joke. I processed the customer’s credit card with utmost speed and due diligence. Believe that.
Have any of you blog readers ever heard of an obscure Chapel Hill band called Metal Flake Mother? (I’ve probably written about them before because they used to make me so happy.) Anyway, one of the guys from that late, lamented band is back with a new band and I just found this video on youtube and I’ve been listening to it for, oh, say, 45 minutes straight.
So come on by and get that wine and let’s talk about classic Metal Flake Mother songs like “Deem On” and “Wingtip Lizards,” especially the moment where it breaks open into that three (four?)-part vocal harmony, oh boy that’ll give you shivers every time.
It’s morning in the wine store. I just finished wiping the dew off all the bottles. Amazing selection of wines this week: red wine, white wine, pink wine — we’ve got it all. And it’s all for sale.
We also have tequila and whiskey.
Later today I’m going to shelve some bottles. I will DEFINITELY keep you up to date on that project.
BREAKING … BREAKING … MUST CREDIT MNFTIU.CC … I just made my first sale of the day: THREE BOTTLES. Two red wines and one white wine. I processed that credit card like my name is “Card-Swiper Jones.”
More soon. Buy that wine!!!
Oh, nice — Elliott Smith just came on the store’s internet radio. He’s one of my favorites. It’s definitely feeling mellow up in here all of a sudden.
Yes, that’s right: I just sold another bottle of wine. It was a white wine. People think you can’t drink white wine in cold weather, but that’s not true. You can drink white wine from February until October.
A wine salesperson (distributor?) just dropped off a list of wines for sale. Should I order some wine for the store owners, as a surprise?
“Hello, one of your salespersons just dropped off your list of wines. I’d like to place an order for my wine store.” “Which wines would you like to buy?”
“How about ALL OF THEM.”
Guys, I’m not gonna lie: I’m bumpin’ NPR pretty hard right now. If you want to buy some wine while listening to the news, now is a great time to stop by the wine shop.
This is my logo for KALE CITY, my fantasy restaurant I’m starting in my mind. Can you make a better logo? Send it to kalecity@artisanalpencilsharpening.com and I will post the best submissions with next week’s recap of America’s Best Restaurant.
