Liveblogging The Emmys, Part I

8:12 PM Now he’s giving a speech. Somebody is crying in the audience. His speech is about how nice everyone on the show is. Good speech. Sincere. I am completely bored out of my mind. LIVEBLOGGING ENDS NOW.

8:11 PM Here comes “Mad Man” Jon Hamm and “Golden Girl” Betty White to present an award. Betty White is actively breaking my heart with her incessant sexual jokes. They’re presenting an award for “Best Actor on a Comedy.” Goddamn I haven’t seen a single one of these shows, ever. WINNER: Eric Stonespeak(?) from “Modern Family.”

8:10 PM Verdict: I need to watch more television so I understand its reality.

8:08 PM They’re gonna do a comedy retrospective about all the great comedy we saw on our TVs this year. Two fat schlubs accidentally touched their butts together; that got big laughs. Also, pratfalls and silly voices are making an appearance.

8:07 PM Jimmy Fallon is doing the Demetri Martin thing where you tell jokes and strum a guitar.

8:06 PM Now the Emmys are starting. The song is over. My verdict: I love Joe McHale(?), he’s totally cute. I also love the real Bruce Springsteen. Jimmy Fallon is hosting the awards. In case you didn’t know, Fallon got his start at Bananas Comedy Club on Route 9 in Poughkeepsie at the Best Western hotel, which I have been to.

8:02:30 PM Already bored at the Emmys!!! Time for my first break … see you when the awards actually start.

8:02 PM Okay, Betty White. Maybe it’s time to act dignified.

8:01 PM Okay, this is some kind of pre-taped comedy video short. I can’t liveblog this because I don’t know who all these people are.

8:00 PM The American Academy of Television Awards begins now!

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