Ten Classic St. Patrick’s Day Jokes

St. Patrick’s Day and a horse walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What can I do for you?” The horse says, “I’d like a pint of hay.” The bartender gives the horse a pint of hay. Then the bartender turns to St. Patrick’s Day and says, “What would you like?” and then St. Patrick’s Day says, “I’d like everyone to get drunk!!!”

What did the leprechaun say to the ghost? “Shiver me timbers!” (Say in Irish accent)

What kind of car does St. Patrick drive? A Prius … because it’s “green.”

How can you tell if a leprechaun is sad? He turns from green to blue.

Why do Irish people come to our country and steal our jobs? Because they love our GREEN money.

O’Connor and O’Guinness are walking down a country lane when they see O’Donnell sitting on a stone with a tear in his eye. “Why are ye weeping then, O’Donnell?” asks O’Connor. “Alas, my heart is broken, O’Connor,” replies O’Donnell. “And why is ye heart broken, O’Donnell?” asks O’Guinness. O’Donnell sobs and says, “Because a leprechaun gave me a social disease.”

Why is St. Patrick’s Day like the band Green Day? BECAUSE THEY BOTH SUCK. (Just kidding … they’re both great.)

What’s the difference between a leprechaun and a goat? One has a pot of gold and the other eats old tin cans.

What’s the best thing to drink on St. Patrick’s Day? Bud Light, because it has the best St. Patrick’s Day banners and because it tastes great.

What did famous Irish comedian Yakov O’Smirnoff say when he fell into a huge vat of Guinness? In Ireland, Guinness drinks YOU.