Oscars Liveblogging?

I’m gonna liveblog the Oscars if they’re televised. The Oscars, for those of you who have been living under a rock on Mars, are like the Olympics of Hollywood. They take place on Sunday night.

Like the Olympics, there will be an opening ceremony, multiple events, separate categories for men and women, and a huge, menacing flame that can never be extinguished.

Also, North Korea will not participate.