Attorney General Eric Holder’s decision to try 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed in New York City is proving more controversial than the Obama administration anticipated.
Liberals assume that granting KSM a civilian trial will show off the “ideals” of the “American justice system”– which is more important than maintaining the safety of New York City residents.
Everybody else realizes the obvious fact that trying these terrorist fiends in the very city where they flew planes into 9/11 will lead to more terror.
Here’s how it works: Khalid Sheikh Mohammed will take the stand in his own defense. Instead of answering the prosecution’s questions (“Where were you on the morning of 9/11?” “What happened to Osama bin Laden?”), this bearded devil will insult the victims of 9/11, denounce America, and call for more terror attacks to distract New Yorkers while he breaks out of prison. However, he will say all these things in the secret Muslim language, so we won’t realize that he’s putting us in danger.
While the court scrambles to translate his rantings and ravings, KSM will switch to English … to spout pro-jihadist propaganda that seduces all who hear it.
“Cover your ears! Cover your ears!” yells the quick-thinking bailiff, but for some, it’s too late: KSM has instantly converted members of the jury to jihad. They will recuse themselves from jury duty, throwing the entire process into jeopardy!
The judge barks, “Order in the court! Order in the court!” but the terrorist mastermind will ignore him, saying “I only answer to Allah, the magnificent sun god of my people!” This will make New Yorkers so scared, they’ll start whimpering and crying. The fiend will say, “Ah ha, look at you all shuddering beneath my mighty power! Death to America!”
Then he will turn his wild eyes to the judge and hypnotize him: “Judge, look into my eyes … you are growing sleepy … sleepy … give me your little wooden mallet … yes, yes … now I hold the mallet … NOW I’M BASHING YOUR HEAD IN WITH YOUR WOODEN MALLET!!!”
As the courtroom screams in terror at the judge’s brains flying all over the room, KSM will vault out of the witness box holding the judge’s mallet like the mighty Thor. He’ll pound the mallet against the floor: “By the power of Asgard, grant me strength!” Then his muscles will grow super-huge and his robes will turn blindingly white and his beard will turn into a writhing tangle of snakes chanting “The Yankees sssuck!”
New Yorkers will scream and scatter as KSM breaks through the brick walls of the courthouse and begins a murderous rampage on the streets of Manhattan. And we will all be powerless to stop him, because he’s an invincible terrorist mastermind!